


We?

by Deandeanmoose



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Age Difference, Developing Relationship, Episode: s18e02 Making a Rapist, Episode: s18e03 Imposter, Episode: s18e09 Decline and Fall, Episode: s18e15 Know it All, Episode: s19e03 Contrapasso, Episode: s19e08 Intent, Episode: s19e10 Pathological, Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Love Confessions, No Strings Attached, Shit just got complicated, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2018-11-08 03:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 73,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deandeanmoose/pseuds/Deandeanmoose
Summary: It's just stress relief..... Right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reader doesn't know alot of Spanish, so some he repeats in English and some is translated for you.

I felt my throat go dry, head rush, and eyes focus on him Infront of me...   _ **We?**_

* * *

_**background** _

It started by accident, a bad case left me at the bar to drink alone. Who knew it was the bar he frequented either? Rafael Barba didn't seem like the type for a dive bar like this. It was a block from the courthouse and was cheep with good service, only down side was all the tourist and the noise. And that's where it started, a bad case and a accidental meeting at the bar.... Five drinks later we were both drunk but he insisted on walking me home. That lead to drunk sex in my apartment and a awkward morning. 

I figured it was a one time thing, just blamed the alcohol. Then a few days later we met again by accident and drank again.... Then we made out in the side alley before running to my place in the rain. Then it became a strange unspoken arrangement. We went to the bar when we needed no questions sex or a ear to tell our woes to (that would somehow lead to sex), if the other was their... We fucked each other like it was our last night alive. If the other wasn't.... Well I never had that happen.

That's when things got interesting, one day at work he texted me during a meeting where I was two feet to his left beside carisi. He asked to meet me in the stairway in ten minutes, so I went along. After the meet, I waited ten minutes then slipped away. He was waiting there and as I walked up, he grabbed me and kissed me like a mad man clinging to his last shred of sanity. I felt dizzy, his lips pulling from mine so slowly. 

"I'm sorry... But I'm under so much stress." He swallowed and locked eyes, "I need a little relief."

"In the stairwell of the precinct?"

"Help me now and I'll return the favor tonight.... Por favor?"

That's probably when it started getting complicated, fellating him in the stairwell of the precinct and he push me against the wall of the alley at two a.m. and made me cum harder then I ever remember. That's also when it became a text booty call relationship. That's also when it became great. Ninety percent of the time was at his place, eight percent in random places (the precinct, his office, alley way, even a squad car not that either of you would admit to it and with nothing to prove it.) But the last two percent was my place. Though it was rare because I lived close to carisi and it wasn't worth the risk.

It became a regular thing to text each other dirty things and try to make the other blush, keep up the professional front we both needed so much. I was younger of course, way to young and the idea of friends with benefits with the ADA was Bazar... But oh so good. So after six months of this arrangement, it happened.

* * *

_**A week ago** _

We caught a horrifying case, the man we released after being falsely imprisoned for a rape he didn't commit.... He was the only suspect in the rape and murder of the old victims daughter. With every turn, more shit hit the squad and I needed a release. So I did what I always did, while we sat in a meeting I texted Rafael and teased him into a booty call.

> _I don't care what this meeting is about... Your penis spends way to much time outside me._

I pressed send and watched in my peripheral to see his reaction, and I got one. He looked down and read it, shifting slightly to cover his now growing bulge. A smile placed firmly on my face as I listened to the details but watched him. A vibration drawing my attention.

> _Then crawl over here and let them see just how bad you are. I'm more then hard enough to make you scream..... Again._

_**Touché... How do I top that?**_ I smiled and attached a photo I took this morning, bright red lace underwear and the tiny see through bra that did nothing but draw your attention. I sat on my sink in the bathroom against the mirror... A perfect view of my ass in those cheeky panties was enough to drive him wild. I waited.... The vibration returned as Liv was about to hand out tasks.

> _Tonight. My place. That lingerie. I am going to tie you down and teach you not to sext photos during work._

A smile covered my face as me and carisi was sent out to canvas a possible lead that wasn't our original suspect.

> _Only if you spank me Councilor._

I was out the door as Liv wanted to talk to Barba in her office, he had declined and made a comment about her being bossy.  _ **Now who is being unreasonable.**_

* * *

My shift had just ended, with a new suspect found and removed. Tomorrow me and carisi would talk with him and hopefully pin point the murder. For now, I was on my way to raf's place when a text came through.

> _Change of plans, your place. I'll be over in twenty._

I roll my eyes and went to my place instead. Once in the lingerie, I sat on the couch and waited a mere four minutes before there was a familiar knock. Opening the door, I smile and he pushed me back as he attached our lips. He kicked the door shut walked me to the couch backwards without our lips breaking. 

"Turn around." He panted and I turned as he demanded.

I felt cold metal against my wrists, then he kissed my neck, "who's your papi?"

"You are."

"Come on you can do better." He purred in my ear and pushed his bulge against my ass.

"You're my papi... Rafael Barba is my papi." He rewarded me with a kiss and a hard swat to my ass.

"Good girl. What do you want papi to do?"

"Please... Raf..." My words were cut off due to a hard twist to my nipple.

"Ah, ah, ah... Try again."

"I need you papi... Fill me up. Please papi please." I whimpered as he adjusted my bra back over my boob.

"Of course niñita...Culo arriba. Boca abajo. No quiero escuchar un sonido." He paused and smirked into my neck, "Ass up. Face down. I don't want to hear a sound." He smacked my ass again as I shifted into position, "yes or no?"

I bit my lip,  _ **We've done this alot.... I haven't been with anyone else. I doubt he has really with our work schedules....**_ "no."

He kissed my back before he moved the underwear to the side, "you sure?"

"If you give me a STD I will kill you councilor."

"Don't worry, I'm clean." He rolled his eyes and smacked my bare ass, "now use my title or face the punishment."

I nodded and he lined up, "color?"

"Green."

He pushed in as I gasped, this made him slow way down, "Tranquila niña No me hagas castigarte."

My face was of confusion, he smirked, "quiet little girl. Don't make me punish you."

 _ **I hope that's what he said**_. My lips quivered as he pumped, not pushing all the way in me until I was adjusted.  _ **Even with his ego, he makes sure I'm ready. Damn him and his good sex.**_ He sped up and started hitting harder as I bit my lip to stop from making noise. He always did know how to turn me on, even when we were both drunk.... He is like a god but I'll never admit it. Before I could think more, he pulled out and lined up at the other hole.

"If it hurts, tell me to stop. If I get too rough, tell me to stop. Entender (Understand?)"

"Si papi."

"Good niñita (little girl)." He pushed in slowly as I gasped and arched my back, "color?"

I whimpered and he stopped with just his head in, his own throat holding back a gasp.

"Talk...  Tell me."

I was lost in the sensation, he caressed my face and turned it to see him, "(y/n), I need you to tell me now or I pull out."

"Gre...en." 

He stroked my hair back and pushed in further. I was struggling to keep quiet, he was way to big for this.... But God it was good. I wanted it so bad.

"Almost there," he growled and gave a hard push to bottomed out, "Dios, estás apretado." As if reading my mind, he kissed my shoulder, "god you're tight... Damnit detective."

I was speechless, it was a beautiful mix of pain and pleasure before he even started moving. I felt his hands pull me up against him, one slipping under my panties to push in and the other bracing my chest. After three fingers were in I couldn't breath.

"Just remember... Tell me if it's to much."

I nodded as he started in. He kept slow calculated thrusts, a fast prodding with his fingers, and a tweeked nipple here or there. I was on overload and speechless. I didn't feel like I was getting air much less able to make a noise. He didn't sound much better, as time drew out. I felt his hips stuttered, my walls tightened on his fingers.... And a knock at the door. He stopped immediately, my whimper loud but still not heard over the second knock by anyone but him.

"Hey (y/n), open up."

My eyes went wide,  _ **damnit carisi... Why now. Why not in a half hour when were laying in bed relaxing.**_ I sighed as he pulled out, his hand over my mouth for a second as he spoke.

"Get rid of him and meet me In the bedroom. Might want to cover up first... I won't have a threesome with carisi." He kissed my ear and grabbed his clothes before shutting the bedroom door.

I tugged on my hoodie and opened the door after a few deep breaths, "hey sonny... Not a good time."

"Oh you have company." He caught his shirt still on the couch, "oh that company. Sorry I'll just go and get all the details tomorrow."

He turned and my face dropped, "it's not like that."

"Yeah it is... Have fun with your booty call." 

My eyes went wide,  _ **Shit, now everyone is going to know.**_ I shut and locked the door, walking back I threw his shirt at him as he chuckled.

"Now carisi thinks I have a booty call and is going to tell everyone."

"Let him," he smirked "Como si alguien le creyera(as if anyone would believe him.)" He pulled me on his lap, "I'll give you a free ride in my office to make up for it."

My blush was strong, "can I hear that in English?"

"No." He laughed, "now... Make papi cum and I'll clean you out."

I kissed him and ground down on him, "really? Papi need to cum?"

He stopped my hips with a bruising brace of his hands, "tease papi and he'll make sure you can't walk."

"Prometo papi? (Promise?)"

He held in his chuckle and slapped my ass, "get to work."

 I pulled off the hoodie and kicked my panties off. I reached for the bra but he stopped me, a warning glare I knew to well as 'i'll tell you when to do that'. I gave him a kiss to his shoulder as his hands loosened so I could adjust to slip him in. With his head applying pressure, I rest my forehead to his.

"I bet carisi would've promised me back." I pushed down and slipped slowly around him.

"And I bet... He... wouldn't be able too." He was trying so hard to not make a noise, didn't want me to get the satisfaction so quickly.

"I don't know, have seen those tight pants he wears. He looks as big as you when he gets a stiffy in them." I bottomed out and rolled my hips, "I bet he wouldn't make me do all the work either."

"First off, this is a bet... You win something if you can do it." He tipped his head back trying to keep a steady voice, "second, my pants are still tighter. You said it yourself.... My ass fills it out nicely."

I bounced and gave a small squeeze and he broke, a moan escaping as his head came back up, "oh don't worry... It does papi."

He smirked and lifted his knees as he leaned back, "I'm close."

"Good, now..." I put my hands to each side of his arms, my chest hanging down close to his chest as I start a fast pace on him, "fill me up."

He looked so happy, his face was rosey and a smile on his face as he would gasp. The only time I really seen him smile genuinely was when he was on a high, when he right at the point of orgasm and I just knock him over.  _ **God I wish he would wear a smile like that more... He never looks that happy, never.**_

 "Mierda (fuck).... (Y/n)!" He growled out my name as I felt him emptying every ounce in me.

 _ **Shit.... Should've bought more condoms yesterday.**_ He grabbed my hips and held me down as he slammed into me a few times to extend his orgasm. My hips felt bruised and I could already recognize the feeling of bruising on my hips and thighs.  _ **It's definitely going to hurt Tomorrow.**_ I moan and he smiled as he slipped out with a soft 'pop'.

"Sorry for the bruising." He panted and smiled as I laid on his chest.

"It'll be fine... You probably going to put more there tonight anyways." I kissed his chest, "you have to clean me out."

"You couldn't just let me wear a condom?"

"I'm out.... Forgot to by them." I blushed as he chuckled.

"Or you just love my 'clever' tongue in you." He pushed me up slowly to sit up on him.

"I do, but it couldn't get me pregnant."

He rolled his eyes and dragged me up to sit on his face, "that's why your on the pill and I'm so good at this."

His tongue licked my dripping hole, then again, then pushed in. Much like how a cat would drink milk, Rafael licked himself out of me. A finger to help here or there, his nose rubbing my clit softly between licks. When I whimpered and tried to pull away, he wrapped his arms around my thighs so I couldn't pull away from him. My head was thrown back, as I gasped for air... He was hitting all the right spots as usual. My leg squeezed his head and i dropped my head as my toes curled in, barely catching his eyes looking at me as I cried out. 

"Paaaaaaaaaaaapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

He slowed down to soft licks as I came down from my high. My vision blurred, head went dizzy as I slowly leaned against the wall panting. He slid me off his face and watched me struggling to gain control again. His hands slid my waist down him slowly, one hand catching me before I fell on top of him. He lowered me down to the bed, laying me on my side as my eyes closed. I fell asleep as two arms wrapped around me and rubbed my bruises.

"Good niñita (little girl). Always so good for me." Raf whispered and kissed my sleeping face, "Dulces sueños (Sweet dreams)."

He leaned me up to his chest, spooning as he fell asleep right behind me.

* * *

The next day after a long hot shower to regain some feeling in my sore body, I met carisi and charlie on the roof. We started out questions and walkthrough.

"You were standing here, right? Now tell me tell me exactly who you saw." Carisi started as he stood with the kid by the ledge.

"I saw a white man."

"About his age?" I asked pointing to Carisi.

"Right. And he dropped something in the trash bags, and I wanted to know what it was, so I went down and got it." Charlie nodded.

"Right, the knife." Carisi asked and charlie nodded.

"Right That's great, Charlie." I smiled softly, "We got that, all right? So let's let's think about something else, maybe."

"Like, what about the time? You said you saw the man after Shyvon got here." Carisi looked back to Charlie who nodded.

"Yeah."

"Good, now was it before or after you and Shyvon had sex? Before, maybe." I asked.

"Uhhhhhh."

"I need you to be sure." I asked as Charlie seemed to focus on me to shake his head.

"You sure? After." I got worried as he nodded, "It was after."

"I'm not good with times." He frowned at me."

"Okay." Carisi nodded.

"Befores and afters like that." Charlie shook his head as Carisi looked around for something to help him remember better.

"Okay, you know what, Charlie? I like you, and I know you want to cooperate, right? Listen, so I need you to focus." I pull out my phone and held it up for him to see as I swiped through the line up, "I'm gonna show you these pictures one at a time. All right, you just you let me know who you saw."

"I can do that."

"All right." Carisi watched on, "Because you want to help Ashley, right? You liked her. We know you liked her."

"Yes, I did."

"Okay." I started to show him photos.

"She was pretty like you." Charlie added.

I chuckled softly with a light blush,  _ **I couldn't feel less comfortable with his flirting... Please stop.**_ I flipped through three photos and caught Charlie fidget just a little on our suspects photo.

"What about this guy?" I asked.

"Uh, if I say yes, would... would that be helping Ashley? And you?"

"We just want the truth, Charlie. Okay? That's all we want." I looked in his eyes carefully, making sure he isn't lying.

"Don't say yes if you're not sure." Carisi advised.

"It's okay." I started only for him to Interrupt, "Yes, I'm sure."

I looked at Carisi and nodded. We finally had Roberts and proof. We thanked Charlie and left to tell Liv the food news. The whole way back, Carisi hounded me about my booty call and I groaned in annoyance. We got back and Liv called Barba with the good news. A few minutes after she hung up, I got a text.

> _Good work detective. If you can find a excuse to come over here in about a hour... I'll keep my word from last night._

I chuckled softly and went back to work, not able to get over there. But Barba wanted to keep his word partially... So he invited me over and repaid me for helping with the case. I walked in to his apartment using the key he gave me so I wouldn't knock all the time. He gave me a kiss and carried me back to his bed, kissing me roughly but not bruisingly.

"What got into you?" I giggled as he dropped me on the bed and continued to kiss my neck.

"I want to repay you for the evidence. I finally have a strong case." He started on undressing me, "what would my niñita (little girl) like for tonight?"

"Anything you want to give papi.... Just make me forget the horrible booty call jokes I suffered through all day."

He smiled and stripped me down carefully, smiling as I laid out under him completely nude. He gave a small show of stripping down and before he took his tie and blindfolded me. He cuffed my hands again tied that to the bed. He spread my legs and nestled between them.

"Just relax. Focus on the touches and don't try so hard to figure out what I'm doing. You'll enjoy it more that way." He whispered in my ear, as I felt his fingers massage my sides.

I nodded and slowly opened my mouth to his kiss as I felt his hands work lower. The familiar pressure of him at my entrance set Sparks down my spine. I pushed up to relieve the burning pain and he chuckled as he pushed in breaking the kiss. I moaned and he moved his hands back up to my breasts.

"That's it, relax." He kissed down my jaw, "just relax and let me do the work."

I could feel his soft thrusts and slow withdraws, he was so much more gentle with me then usual... It was amazing. His hands squeezed softly, then the pads of his thumbs rolled my nipples. He worked soft circles before pinching softly and lifting up ever so slightly till I gasped and he would drop. He repeated and occasionally run his fingers up the sides, tracing imaginary lines and figure eights. His lips feather light against my skin, a occasional tongue trace down the jaw or up to the ear. Each alone was enough to drive me crazy, but together was overloading the senses. I could hear and feel his soft exhales as he tried to stay soft and slow, feel the small twitches his cock gave inside me as he got closer, and the way his body dragged against mine giving what little rough friction wanted. This wasn't the usual sex... This was amazing and...  _ **no... No. This is stress-relief. This is no-string attached sex and a good fuck to forget the cases we work. Don't go catching feelings type of fucking where you barely can walk tomorrow..... Don't even think it.**_ I gasped as the sensation won, I started shaking and spasming as I didn't just cum... I squirted on him. He let out a primal growl that I never heard before, full of want and need but a underline feeling I couldn't place. 

It went quite aside from the panting from both of us. He slowly slipped out and sat up. I felt my hands being released and a set of hands rubbing each wrist where they were probably going white from the Lost of blood flow during my orgasm. After a minute or two, my wrists were laid down on the bed beside me. I was waiting for the blindfold to be removed but that took several more minutes... Or my it was only seconds but it felt like forever. His hands slowly undid the blindfold, and pulled it away so I could see him. 

"Wow..." I whispered up at him, "that's one hell of a thank you."

He smiled but he kinda looked sad underneath that, he slowly stood up and wiped himself off with a towel before wiping me up as well. He was feather soft in his touches, just like before. Once he was satisfied I was cleaned of our juices which took longer get then usual, he laid down beside me and pulled me to his front.

"Glad you liked it." It sounded empty, "now let's get some sleep."

I frowned but went to sleep in his warm embrace.  _ **Was I falling for Barba?**_

* * *

The next day, court started. Rafael was on his game as usual. He was quick worded and strong on his attacks, his usual swagger was at a all time high.  _ **I guess the sex really worked.**_ I held back a smirk as court went to recess and he grabbed me in the hall as I talked to Liv and fin.

"Excuse me detective, how about lunch? I have something we need to discuss." He looked so normal in that moment I shrugged.

"If your buying, I'll follow." I followed him down the steps after turning back to give a shrug to Liv who looked just as confused.

Once we were around the corner, he looked over, "So Charlie, he's good to testify?"

"He's a little nervous but he's consistent."

"Good, so detective...  What would you like to eat?" He looked smiled softly as I stopped.

"You really taking me out to eat councilor?" I said holding back the shock.

"Of course, that's why I asked." He looked worried, "why?"

"I told Carisi I would meet him in twenty and make sure Charlie is good till after lunch when he takes the stand." I sighed, "sorry councilor, I just thought you wanted to talk or something real quick."

He looked slightly wounded, "no, go ahead. Witness is the priority."

"I can always...." He cut me off, "don't worry about it. We'll just do our take out tonight as usual."

He walked away quickly as I fought the urge to chase him down.  _ **why did he look so depressed? Was that suppose to be a date?**_ I frowned and ran to meet sonny,  _ **Stop thinking so much girl.**_

* * *

Charlie was called to the stand as I sat behind Barba with Carisi beside me and Liv beside her. Amanda was behind me and fin insisted on staying outside Incase he needs called up.

"My girlfriend and I had just had sex on the roof, and that's when I saw Sean Roberts leave the house and toss something in the trash." Charlie watched Barba carefully.

"What time was this?"

"1:15."

"Then what happened?"

"I went to see what he tossed." He straightened up on the stand clearly nervous, "It was a knife. I picked it up."

"You saw Sean Roberts leave the Harper residence at 1:15 and throw a knife in the trash?" Barba clarified for the jury.

"Yes."

"Okay." He walked to the table and held up the knife in a bag, "The knife has been previously entered as People's Exhibit A. The same knife has been determined to have Ashley's blood on it."

Barba sat down as Buchanan approached, "Hello, Charlie. So, you had a fun time on the roof with your girlfriend. Lucky you.Can I ask you something?" He stopped by the stand, "Had you been smoking pot or drinking alcohol?"

Charlie laughed, "We smoked a little weed."

"So, high on marijuana, through the black of night at 1:15 in the morning, you're absolutely positive you saw Sean Roberts down on the street?"

"I think so. It looked like him. Plus, Detective (l/n)..." My stomach contents rolled in my belly at his words, "...uh uh, yeah, I'm positive."

"Plus Detective (l/n)? Did she tell you to say something?" Buchanan looked happy.

"No, not really. I said I thought I saw Sean's face."  _ **Charlie no...**_

 _ **"**_ And she encouraged you to say it was Sean? Maybe she nodded or smiled."

"She patted me on the shoulder and told me it was okay." He nodded, "I thought she wanted me to say it was him."

_**Please stop... Charlie stop.** _

"Did she help you figure out what time you saw him, too?"

"I guess."

Barba looked over his shoulder at me pissed as Carisi shook his head when Liv looked my way beside him.  _ **Oh shit...**_

 _ **"**_ I...I...I wasn't sure if I saw Sean leave before or after Shyvon and I had sex."

"But she... She what?" Buchanan seen Charlie looking at me as I froze, the proverbial deer in headlights, "I know she's attractive. But don't look to her for help. Look at me, Charlie." Buchanan gained Charlie's focus, "Why did you say what you did?"

"I thought she would like it if I said after. And she was really nice."

"So Detective (l/n) encouraged you, no flirted with you to say you had seen Sean Roberts leave Ashley's home at 1:15?"

"Objection: Mr. Buchanan is putting words in this witness's mouth." Barba quickly stood.

"Overruled," the judge looked over, "Answer the question."

"No. I just wanted her to like me. And she needed to solve her case." Charlie reasoned.

"So Detective Rollins encouraged you to see Sean Roberts, then you made her happy by saying you had seen him at 1:15 exactly?" Buchanan pushes.

"That's a good way of saying it." Charlie nodded as I fought the urge to vomit right there.  _ **Why Charlie?**_

Buchanan scuffed, "Nothing further."

Recess was called and Barba quickly grabbed Liv at the door, "you three, my office.... Now."

* * *

  _ **Present**_

"We got a guy on trial who was wrongfully convicted on bad eyewitness testimony, and you don't tell me that the kid waffled on the ID or the time." Barba held back his voice from the yelling he wanted to use.

He turned behind his desk as Liv shut his door.

"He waffled. He did not lie." I shot back.

"There is a big difference? Now you're parsing degrees of deceit." He spat back as I resisted the urge to jump his desk and strangle him.

"Listen, Buchanan is gonna turn this into you manipulating the kid to defend Fin." Liv steps by the desk to make sure violence will occur.

"Charlie's telling the truth. He saw Sean leave the house, toss the knife after he and his girlfriend had sex, which was around 1:15 or so.That's the truth." Carisi spoke confidently.

"I can't help it if the kid has a crush on me, or..." You were interrupted.

"Hold on so you were aware that he had an affection for you that he had a desire to make you happy?" Barba spat at me as he leaned forward on his desk.

"Lieutenant, listen." Carisi turned to Liv as he realized Barba wasn't going to listen, "I was there, all right? Rollins didn't lead him."

"Don't make excuses for her." Barba caught Carisi's eye with that, "That's not what the jury thinks."

"Oh, come on." Carisi turned to Barba looking just a pissed, "You know what, Counselor? It's not (y/n)'s fault that Buchanan spun that kid upside-down and you didn't know how to stop him."

"Okay, thank you." Liv pointed at both of them, "We're done. So where do we go from here?"

"They're not gonna convict on Charlie's testimony. Not anymore." Barba shook his head, "We need to double down on the physical evidence."

"We'll get started on that." Liv motions me and Carisi out with her.

"Wait, (l/n)... Can we talk a moment?"

"I will have a long chat with her later," Liv pushed me slightly.

"Not like that. Please."

I nodded, "go ahead. I'll head to the squad afterwards."

I watched them leave Before turning to Barba, "if you yell, I leave."

"Mira (Look), i...I...I... I just... In court Buchanan accused you of flirting with Charlie. It didn't sit well for me." He looked down, "did you flirt with him?"

"No. I smiled, I patted his back after he said he was sure.... But I didn't flirt with the kid." I walked to the desk and leaned towards him, "he's not my type."

"I know but... (Y/n), I...I... I think we need to talk about our arrangement. With everything happening here lately I...I think that....maybe...maybe we... We could..." He shook his head obviously stumped on words.

_**We? Is he... He catching feelings? No...no can't be that. He's old enough to be my dad and he is a co-worker. That's a no no. This is just stress-relief. Always has been. Stress-relief.... Just friends with benefits, no strings attached sex.... Simple fucking. But if he actually liked me....no..no...no.... You don't like him like that. You can't...  Shit.... You can't.** _

"Don't."

He looked up confused, "uh?"

"Don't.... Please don't." I backed up, "we can't...  We work together, your old enough to be my dad.... It can't." I looked at his broken face.

"What about last night? Was that just a simple fling?" He looked like a boy that just figured out santa isn't real.

"There is no we... There can't be a we." I shook my head, "Barba... No."

I watched his whole body basically crash in that second, his eyes watering slightly as it all hit him. I knew the use of his last name would cement it, we never used anything but first names or pet names except at work.... _ **God... This really was a relationship.**_ He looked down, his fists curling up and turning white.

"So it all meant nothing?" His whisper was enough to kill me.

"Don't do this... It'll only make it worse." I turned towards the door, "goodbye Barba."

I walked out and composed myself, head back to SVU the long way.... Needing the air dearly.

* * *

It had been a few days and I was yet to see Barba after his office meeting there. No texts, no sex, no jokes, and no glances during court. I didn't even go to court the last three days as the case was closed and Sean went to jail. Carisi made a few jokes about the booty call but never pushed it... Probably because I was stressed and depressed. As the next case came along, I was tempted to just walkout.... Then it happened.

> _We need to talk._

I rolled my eyes and ignored the text from Barba.

> _Please (y/n), let's talk._

I pushed down any feeling bubbling up, refocusing on work until he poked just right to make me snap and end it.

> _I need to talk to you. Just talk to me one last time then you can break off whatever this was/is.... Please (y/n), I love you._

My heart dropped, _**i can't take this anymore.**_

> _Don't. You don't even know me._
> 
> **_R_ ** _:I do._
> 
> _What is my favorite flower? My favorite song? Best book I ever read? Tell me my eye color even! Tell me one thing and I'll talk to you._
> 
> **_R_ ** _:(y/n)..._

I sat my phone down... More like threw it in the trash can from across the room as everyone stared. I took a deep breath and got up to walk it off, Liv walking to the door and watching as I went to the small gym downstairs to blow off some anger. 

* * *

A half hour later, I came back up to Liv's office and apologize. She waved me off and sent me back to work. As the day dragged, hours went by... It was almost quitting time when a delivery boy walked in.

"I'm looking for a detective (l/n)?"

"Here," I raised my hand and watched as he walked over a dozen roses and a note, "what's this?"

"Your delivery, looks like someone wants some of your attention." He smirked as you signed his board.

He walked out and i looked at the roses,  _ **He wouldn't... He knows better then to do something like this.**_ I sat the flowers down as everyone comes walking over to check them out. I opened the note and carefully read it.

> _Roses aren't your favorite but they make you smile anyways and most flower shops can't deliver (favorite flower) on a moment's notice. Your favorite song is (favorite song) because you heard it so much as a child and it reminds you of home. The best book you ever read was (favorite book) and you own four separate copies of it including special editions._
> 
> _Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of (eye color). I see them in my dreams.... Believe it or not, I did listen when you talked. I did pay attention to everything not just the sex. You love (favorite show) and (favorite activity), talking about your childhood and why you wanted to be a cop.... You always said age was just a number and that if it was love, you didn't care. I'm just asking to talk, to show you the truth._
> 
> _ \- R _

I felt sick,  _ **He really does pay attention... Maybe I was harsh.**_ I sat the note down and held back tears, the Amanda reaching for the note as I let it go. She read it out loud as I stared at the roses,  _ **God you know how to make me feel stupid. Damn you.**_ I pulled out my phone and quickly got up to run out as I texted him.

> _Ok..... let's talk._

I didn't tell him where but I knew where it would be. I stepped into that dive bar and walked to the second barstool, a deep breath as I started to cry.  _ **He should've beat me here... Why isn't...?**_ A hand grabbed my shoulder and I jumped as I turned to see Rafael standing there.

"So.... I take it you got my roses." He gave a shy smile.

"Yeah... To bad you couldn't get the (favorite flower). I would've ran to your office after those." I threw my arms around him, "Did you mean it?"

"Yes... I love you (y/n)." He smiled.

"I think I love you Rafael." I whispered as his lips closed the distance between ours.

"I'll take it." He kissed me and pulled me in, "how about a booth... Less witnesses."

I chuckled and followed him to the booth, sliding in beside him and finishing the make out session I had been needing. His hands brushed my hair back, caressed my body carefully, and rubbed my inner thigh softly. I focused on the kiss, let my hands occasionally drift down from his face to his chest or pants. Before we could get much further, or well past the fourth drink, he went to the rest room as I waited at the booth. I tossed down a tip, knowing Rafael wouldn't let me pay for the drinks themselves. I fixed my hair and straightened my clothes just a little as I waited impatiently.

* * *

The squad walked on for drinks after work.

"(Y/n) ran off in a hurry, she gets flowers and that note and she barely touched the floor as she ran out." Amanda smiled.

"Has to be her booty call from the other day." Carisi chuckled, "she couldn't even say bye."

"I can't blame her, If I got a note and flowers like that.... I'd be on vacation for a while." Liv laughed.

"Good for her, she could use someone in her life.... She doesn't need to end up like the rest of us.... Divorced or single and never married. She might be the one to break the pattern." Fin adds, "she is smart enough to do it."

Everyone sat at the table and ordered drinks as they started chatting, and looked up and caught a familiar person, "hey, it's (y/n)."

Everyone turned to confirm, she was sitting at the booth smiling like a idiot as she tossed down a few bills.

"I thought she would be out with flowers dude?" Fin looked over.

"I think she is, look she sees someone." Carisi pointed out.

Liv turned back to the direction she had been looking and let her jaw drop, "you are kidding me."

Everyone looked at Liv, before they could ask Barba walked past the bar and over to the booth she was at. He tossed down a few bills and pulled her up and kissed her briefly as she giggled breaking it off. There was a little chatting and he took her hand and spun her around softly towards the door and rested his hand on her ass. They walked out the door almost attached at the hip, laughing as the bartender collected the tip.

The squad was shocked to say the least.

"Barba... (Y/n) and Barba?" Carisi almost choked on his drink.

"Oh my God." Amanda looked over at the door dumbfounded.

"Way to go councilor," fin smiled, "I didn't think he had it in him."

"This is bad.... All the cases we've prosecuted could be reopened because of this." Liv shook her head, "this is bad."

"How long could this have been going on?" Carisi looked to the door, "and do they realize that he is old enough to be her father?"

"I doubt they care," fin shrugged, "I wouldn't blame him.... A woman that young. It could be like therapy, make him feel younger."

"That's gross," Amanda looked at fin, "that is two of our co-workers. You see them daily and your are talking like you could see it."

Carisi covered his eyes, "oh god... I can almost see it."

"Everyone stop." Liv warned.

* * *

I grabbed his jacket lapels and kissed him as he pressed me firmly against the wall. Are lips sealed together, teeth clacking and tongues pushing through as he rested me on his waist. He pinned me to the wall as he undid pants and tug them down. 

"Raf please."

"I thought it was papi?" He smirked and carried me with my legs around his waist to the bed. 

"I'll call you god if you make it feel like last time."

He smiled and pulled the pants off, shirt tossed and bra pulled. I laid there naked under him as he stripped down slowly, having me help with the buttons and letting me rub his chest as it was exposed. He kissed me once for every button that popped open, then he kissed my ear as I undid his pants. His eyes locked on mine as he kicked his pants off.

"I need to hear you say it." He whispered as he lined up, "please."

His eyes pleaded with me as I smiled, "I love you Rafael."

He pushed in as I moaned, his name carrying through my apartment. He kissed my forehead to make me look at him. He wanted to see my reaction to all of it, to see if I really meant it or was just wanting more sex. He held my eyes as he pushed all the way in, bottoming out and rocking. We were glued together, moving with each other smoothly to hit a new high. A hand running through my hair, stroking my cheek... Caressing my torso. He was careful in his touches, only the softest and briefest ones to put my senses in overdrive. I curled my hands under his arms and cup his shoulder blades, pulling me closer to him. As his eyes closed I let go with one hand and grabbed the sheets instead.

"Papi.... Please." I whispered as I held back.

"Estoy cerca ... Sólo un poco más (I'm close.... Just a little more.)" He panted as he was pushing himself along, I didn't know what he said but I could tell he was close.

"Por favor papi." His eyes lit up and I couldn't hold back.

We both orgasmed as we locked our eyes on each other's. They were wide, a brilliant green burst from his dark pupil out...I could see the Bliss feeling sweeping over him. He must've seen the same, because as we came down...he kissed me. He went to pull out, my hand cupping his ass to stop him.

"Don't... Please."

He nodded and rolled us over so I laid on him, his hands stroking my back and hair. I just hugged tight to him.

"Rafael?"

"Hmmmm?"

"I. Love. You." I kissed his chest between every word.

"Te amo demasiado hermosa ... Nunca quiero dejar esta cama." He hummed.

"What was that?"

"I love you too beautiful.... I never want to leave this bed." He smiled as I looked up at his darling eyes.

"I love you... God I love you."

He chuckled and kissed me as both our phones rang, texts coming through. He pulled his over and groaned.

"Liv... She wants to talk."

I pulled mine and sighed, "same exact words."

"They know," he sighed, "at least she does."

"We fucked." I hid my face, "I'm never leaving this bed again."

"Me too... Me too Hermosa."


	2. Confession

The night went quick, both of us never wanting to leave the other. Our feet were intertwined, legs crossed over, hand pressed to the others body... Nothing could make us feel close enough to each other. The only problem we had was with the morning coming in far to quick, and the realization that we had to admit what had been, or well, what is.

He rubbed my back, kissing my forehead to make me look up at him, "I think we need to wake up. As much as we hate too."

 "I know... But I really don't want to face Liv much less the rest of it." I sighed, "we have to disclose to Liv and the DA or... Well."

He kissed me to quiet me, "I know.... I just wonder who all knows."

"Hopefully just Liv," I frowned, "I thought the booty call jokes were bad, this will be a thousand times worse. It's the age difference, co-workers... We gave them way to much ammunition for jokes."

"I know... Let's get dressed and go see Liv." He slowly nudged my shoulder so I would sit up.

He stood up first and helped me off the bed, he lead me to the bathroom and sat me down on the toilet as he started the shower and pulled the fresh towels from his small linen closet. He adjusted the water and smiled at me, trying to warm me up to the idea of going to work and honestly... Just leaving his apartment.

He walked over and rested his wet hand on my cheek to kiss me, "nice and hot... Just like you (y/n)."

I gave a small smile and let him pull me up and to the shower, slipping me under the water first, "do we have to tell them?"

He nodded, "if Liv knows we need to. If we don't disclose it then it'll only get worse.... I don't think you want all our past cases reopened due to are little secret." He tipped his head to the side, "why?"

"Is it really the best thing? I mean disclosing this?" I watched his face drop a little before I felt guilty and tried to fix it, "I didn't mean it like that. I really do love you, last night was real... I just... I don't know if disclosing our relationship is the right thing. Why tell the squad and all our co-workers that we're dating?"

"Es realmente tan malo?", He looked a little better, "is it really so bad? We could acknowledge it in public and actually feel safe to talk without fearing someone is listening in.... Someone could blackmail us with it."

"But... I... I." I lost my words, nothing was sounding right.

"I'm almost twice your age. Twenty-two years isn't so bad... And I really couldn't care less about the jokes I'll hear." He smiled and turned me around to face the water, slowly starting to wash my hair for me, "and I can name a thousand more cliche things then a ADA and a detective dating."

"You really don't mind? I mean, I'm only twenty-four and still so new to everything with this job. They always address me as the kid and assign me the annoying things to do.... You are so much more experienced and... Way better at the job." I sighed as he rubbed my sore neck as he rinsed the shampoo from my hair.

"You have yet to name anything major... It sounds more like second thoughts." He rubbed in the conditioner slowly, pulling me back closer to him as he slid past to block the water, "just say you aren't sure about dating a older man."

"I love you Raf..."

"You just don't love the age or gray hair... Or everything that come with being a old man." He finished my sentences a little harsher then what I was going to, "just say it... say it bothers you and you want to end this. Deteneré o teñiré el gris..." He paused before answering my look,"... I'll stop or dye away the gray."

"No." I leaned forward and kissed him as I ran my fingers through his hair, "don't you dare touch your hair. Peppered looks good on you... And I don't want to end this. I just want to make sure that we are both on the same page. That this fling is a relationship and not going to break down right after we disclose."

He smirked and took my hands, holding them tight between our chests, "I love you (y/n). I want to call you my girlfriend and kiss you in public. I want to make everyone jealous because this old man gets a young beautiful woman that hardly looks twenty. I want to try."

"Ok... How do we do this disclosure thing?" I spoke after breaking the kiss that lasted way longer then expected, his hands tipping my head up as he pulled me close so the conditioner didn't get in my eyes as he rinsed it out.

I slipped a little of his shampoo on my hands and ran them through his hair as he smiled bigger then I ever seen him smile, "well, we should just tell Liv since she probably knows.... But we write up a formal letter saying that we are dating and have been for a while. A copy goes to Liv, another to the DA and then we wait to hear their thoughts. One of us could get moved if they think it Interferes with the job."

"Does it Interfere with the job?" I dragged his head into the stream and smile as he grabs a wash cloth from behind me and lathers it up with the soap.

"I don't think so but... We have had office and stairwell sex at work and it can open up possible retrials if they think it could've interfered with the case." He started with my shoulders and slowly worked down my back before moving to my chest, "for example, Charlie accusing you of flirting with him. Buchanan can try to claim our relationship caused that through a fight or something. It didn't but he could try."

"How likely is that to work?" I frowned as he went down my stomach and started prodding my folds as I tried to stay focused.

"Not very, I doubt they would find you flirting with him so the claims would be shot down." He kissed behind my ear before he dropped down to get my legs.

"So we should be good?" I asked as he slipped the wash cloth over the finger he thrusted in me then removed.

"Unless you did anything during a case for me... Yes, we should be good." He pulled the shower head and rinsed me off, spraying between my legs and making me moans faintly before letting me pull the wash cloth to use on him. "Are you still not sure about this?"

"No... I think I'm good." I started low as he finally stood back up completely, spending a good minute on his privates, "I'm guessing you will type up the letter?"

"God yes...." He moaned before i moved the wash cloth up to his tummy, "I mean yes... I'll take care of that." He caught my hand over his chest and pulled me into a kiss, "are you good to go in with me to talk to Liv?"

"I guess." I smiled and pushed him under the shower head to rinse off, "it'll only be worse if I don't go with you."

"Then it's settled, we'll head straight over to talk to Liv then I'll write the letter." He kissed my wet forehead, "are you ready for this?"

"Yeah... As ready as I can be."

He reached back and shut off the water, reaching out and tossing my towel at my face as he took his and patted down before wrapping his waist. I tucked it to make a sorta dress as he took a small towel and started drying my hair. He hummed a little as he did so, kissing my shoulder before stepping back and toweling off his hair. He tossed the towel in the hamper and walked back into his bedroom. Right to his closet where he stepped in and skimmed his fingers along the short line of suits before pulling a dark blue one. He was going through his drawers of ties and pocket squares as I slid behind him and pulled my jeans and a blouse from my small area of his closet. I stretched my back and kissed the base of his neck as I slid back by to get dressed.

Once he finally picked one, silver tie and whiteish yellow pocket square, after I start making a few jokes, he was dressed in no time and styled his hair perfectly. I pulled my hair back and had shoes on as he walked out and sat beside me on the bed. He made no move to slip his shoes on, just looked down at his feet. I slid a arm around him and kissed his cheek.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'm finally starting to feel nervous about this...  I text Liv and asked her to meet us at a coffee shop so we don't have to go into the squad room with everyone there." He turned his head with a soft smile, "it just... It's just a lot."

"I know... But you already said we had to." I stood up and pushed his shoes closer to him, "besides, I want to kiss my boyfriend in public without worrying about repercussions."

That won a smile as he got his shoes on and wrapped a arm around me as we started out his door. We chose to walk, his arm around me as we took our time getting there. The whole way we talked about what could happen and how we were both just nervous. He stopped at the door and opened it for me, motioning me to sit and he'll take care of the rest. I found a table off to the side and sat down staring at my hands, my heart had sped up and I was fighting the urge to run. Before I could think more I heard a familiar voice and looked up to see Liv.

"(Y/n), where's Barba? We need to talk." She sound casual but it wasn't helping my nerves.

"He was ordering, probably be here in a few minutes." I shrugged as she sat down across from me, tossing her jacket over her chair.

At that moment, Rafael decided to come over. He handed me a hot chocolate and a apple cinnamon muffin, then sat a coffee in front of Liv before sitting next to me. He took a sip and left a small pause.

"So, you said we needed to talk. Should we start or do you want to?" He had his normal facade, the good lawyer was ready to do this.

 "How long have you two been dating?"

 _ **jumping right to it... Oh yay!**_ I bit my lip, hoping raf would do all the talking.

"Just today... Before it was....we were strictly friends with benefits." He didn't seem phased as I flinched.

"Ok, how long have you two been sleeping together?"

"About six months." He shrugged.

"Almost the whole time she's been here? And you didn't disclose?"

"It wasn't a relationship exactly. There was no need to disclose it if it wasn't a relationship." He paused and turned his head to her, "who all knows?"

"The squad. We seen you two kissing and leaving a bar last night when we went out for a drink." Liv looked at me, "I told them to keep quiet until I straightened this out."

"We will disclose before the end of the day, lieu." I spoke so softly as they bother looked over after hearing me speak for the first time in this meeting.

"Ok... I want it on my desk before the end of the day and I'll review your file."

"My file?" I looked up surprised.

"I have to look over your file and see if it will be a issue." She sighed and was about to get up and leave with the coffee as I froze.

* * *

   _ **Rafael's POV**_

>  She had turned towards the door and was walking out when I quickly caught her just out side the door, only waiting a second before chasing after her.
> 
> "Liv!" I jogged down the side walk as she stopped and turned, "Liv don't do this to her."
> 
> "It is mandatory I give a recommendation when a relationship is disclosed, I was just telling her the truth." Liv sighed as i pushed on.
> 
> "She scared to death you are going to transfer her for this. You know you can't.... Your short staffed, (y/n) is a damn good detective, and this relationship thing hasn't effected work yet." I pleaded with my eyes, "you can't transfer her."
> 
> "That's my decision... But your right. She's a good detective and could easily climb the ranks in the department. But... Relationships like thisakes things complicated. I don't like complicated with my detectives." She sipped her coffee, "I need to think this over. I'm sorry."
> 
> "Liv come on..."
> 
> "I have had a lot of eyes watching me and to many things gone wrong since I took over this squad.... And Dodds is watching for a mistake at this point. After that little scene in my office and what happened to Mike... I need to think his through. I need to thank with more then just my heart when it comes to this job."
> 
> "Liv...." I tried but she shook her head.
> 
> "Thanks for the coffee. Make sure I get that letter.... And give me space. Goodbye Rafael." She turned away and kept walking as I had to turn back.
> 
> * * *

I sat alone for only a few minutes before I felt his hand on my back. I looked up and gave raf a small smile as he helped me up.

"What did you say? What did she say?" I looked a little panicked.

"She said to let her think it over, she has a lot on her plate and a lot of people watching her command at the moment." He kissed my forehead before tossing away the trash on the way out the door holding my hand, "Just go about work as usual. I'll get that letter typed and sent. And try not to worry about it."

"How? I'm way to young and new to this detective shit for this to end well... I look worse then just a new guy, I look like a fucking child." I sighed as he pulled me into a hug.

"Have faith, I have known Liv for a few years... She wouldn't do anything like this without weighing all the facts." He tugged me out the door and walked me slowly to the precinct, "I promise I'll come over tonight and take your mind off things."

"Ok sure... But what about work? I have to face the squad knowing they know but not letting them know I know." I frowned.

"Just breath... That was a little jumbled and hard to follow." He smiled down at me, "everything will be fine."

"I hope so.... I really do."

My phone dinged and I groaned as I answered the text from Carisi.

> _Crime scene at a hotel, Liv wants us there ASAP._

I took a breath and closed my eyes as he stopped and stopped me, "hey... Text me if you need to. Just make it through today and then we'll worry about tomorrow."

"Yeah raf... Thanks." I gave a small smile as he pulled me to the street and flagged down a cab for me.

"Now go build me a good case niñita." He gave me a quick kiss and opened the door for me.

Once I was in and down the road, I turned around to see raf watching me leave his view. He gave a short wave and started towards his office.  _ **ok...ok maybe I can do this.**_

* * *

I arrived at the hotel, stepping in with Carisi as he arrived at the same time. He wouldn't really look at me as I tried to not notice it. We get up there and talk to fin and Amanda about what evidence we had, just so we can go to the hospital with the victim that was now awake. Liv was going through everything and pushed for us to find more. So after she left, me and Amanda started towards the door with Carisi.

"Coming along sonny boy?" I smiled.

"No, Barba set up some interview with this ada in Brooklyn." He fixed his jacket as me and Amanda both smiled.

"Oh Brooklyn?" I teased.

"You gonna grow a beard and start making artisan pickles?" She laughed with me as carisi rolled his eyes.

"I'm just seeing what's out there, all right? For the record, I like artisan pickles." He straightened his jacket out perfect, "how do I look?"

Me and Amanda looked at each other, before she said it, "like a cop."

We had just started looking back through evidence when I got a text. 

> _How are you doing?_

I sighed and looked over at the nightmare of a case, Liv was calling it rape and I wasn't exactly sure.

> _Fine at the moment. Case not so much._

Amanda kept looking up to me, as if trying to catch sight without being obvious... To bad I'm a cop and have to notice everything.

> _I'll pick you up from the precinct around 6? I can drop off the letter then and steal you for work for the night._
> 
> _Does Japanese sound good or should I buy you drinks as usual?_

I smiled at that, even though the thought of him picking me up for a date from the squad was horrifying. But I wouldn't waste the chance, a quick reply and I was back to work... And a Amanda trying to make small talk.

"So you look happy?" She smiled, "Is it flower dude?"

"Yeah, flower dude just asked me out to dinner."

"Where you going? Hope it's fancy if he's gonna send roses and a sappy note to your work."

"I think... Japanese.... Or a few drinks at a bar because that's what we usually do."

"Have you two actually, well, went out on a date or just got drinks?" She looked over.

"Well, we go out to drink. We stay in to drink and order take out.... Hopefully soon we'll go out to eat and just drink at a actual restaurant." I shrugged and she shook her head.

"When do we get to meet this guy?"

"Honestly, he insisted on picking me up tonight at work." I watched her shocked reaction.

"Really?"

"Yeah... I guess you'll meet him then."

* * *

 After all day going back through the evidence, we think we found our suspect. It was late so Liv told us to get some sleep and come back tomorrow ready to get this guy. As everyone was grabbing their stuff, Liv gave me a small 'I'm waiting' look as I look towards the door.  _ **Come on Barba... Please be on time.**_ Before anyone could get more then a few steps, fin started to as why I didn't move. Then he came in.

"Hey Liv, I have the letter for you." He handed her the letter, "the other one is already taken care of."

"Thank you Barba." She watched as he walked over to my desk.

He stopped by my chair and looked at me with a smile, ignoring everyone else in the room.  _ **God I wish I had his guts... How is he so calm right now?**_ He stretched his hand out to me, a soft smirk as he motioned with his eyes to the door.

"Ready to go?"

"Uhm... Yeah." 

I took his hand carefully and grabbed my bag as we walked past everyone else in the group. He waited till we were on the elevator and no one was around.

"Are you ok with this?"

"You not giving a shit if anyone knows we were friends with benefits until yesterday." I turned towards him with a smile, "I love it. That Smirk looks good on you councilor."

He laughed and stole a kiss before the elevator stopped, "keep that up and I doubt we could make it back to the apartment much less the restaurant to eat before."

* * *

Surprisingly, we did make it to the restaurant. Rafael knew enough of the menu to help me decide what to get and then force sushi on me. Since I had never tried it, he gave me a small piece so he could laugh at my reaction to the first taste. He loved it and I smacked him for saying so as I decided between eating or spitting it out. This new side of him I was finally seeing, it was beautiful. It felt like Everytime before but with something special tucked in, like a real date. 

By the time we finished, he was pulling me out to the door for a cab. His hand trying to wave one down as his other held mine. I hugged him tightly from behind and kissed his back, smiling as he interlaced our joined hands. I let my other hand slowly trace up and grab his chest as he tried not to laugh due to a cab finally stopping for us. He tugged me under his arm and broke down laughing as he helped me in the cab before slidding in. He pulled my face right to his for a kiss before pulling back.

"Is that really what it feels like to get groped?

"Uh-huh."

"No wonder you like it." He smiled and pulled me into a heavy make out session.

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact we were In a cab... It would've been car sex. He slipped a hand down into my waist band before just groping my ass and smiling between our heavy kissing at how my hips rolled back to give him more to hold. When the cab finally stopped, he wasted no time paying and dragging me out and to the elevator. He pinned me to the far wall and used his body to block mine as he kissed down my neck. He started running his fingers under my shirt and playing with it before nosing my neckline down for more skin.  _ **Just when I thought the sex couldn't get much better... He finds a way.**_ My leg flew up around his hip and he pushed me against the wall a little harder. The moment was intense until we heard the elevator start to ding and he quickly dropped me and turned to face the front as two younger teen girls got on. His face was bright red at how hard he was and how impossible it was to hide it in his suit pants. I bit back a laugh almost painfully as the two girls smiled and looked away after getting a good look at the bulge he was trying to hide. They were exchanging giggles and looks back as I leaned on his arm and whispered in his ear.

"This is payback for the sushi."

He held in a laugh as the elevator stopped and they got off on the same floor as us, he tugged me down the hall to his door and opened it quickly. He pulled me In So he could lose the witnesses, the door shutting and me immediately being pushed against it. The same position as the elevator, feeling the pressure right at my core as he bit my pulse point lightly on my neck.

"That was embarrassing. Why didn't you help me?" He hummed and stopped his attention, waiting for a answer.

"Because I didn't feel like explain why I dropped to my knees and was giving you a blow job in front of two teens." I smirked as he pushed me up the door to get a better hold to move me.

"Then how about right here? And a good amount of time of you bent over the couch." He smirked and laid me back on the couch softly.

"I don't know... Maybe I shouldn't." I teased, his face getting a small evil smile as he bent down to kiss up my stomach as he pushed my shirt off over my head.

He hummed against my chest and nipped the soft flesh beside my bra strap, his hands rubbing my sides just right, "you treat me, I treat you."

I giggled softly as I wrapped a arm around his neck so he could pull me up. He lifted me up and kissed me ferociously, stealing all the air from me he could before pulling back and letting me drop down to 'treat him'. I kneeled on the floor, my nose running along to trace his bulge. His muffled sigh was beautiful as his hand quickly removed his belt and pants, one Swift push down revealing his manhood. I kissed the tip and looked up to make eye contact, I want him to watch me as I fellated him. One hand holding his ass still as the other helped me to work his member over. My lips part just enough for his head, his moan was beautiful... Almost angelic as I sucked softly. 

"Mierda ... Dios (y / n). Cómo haces esto tan bien?(Fuck... God (y/n). How do you do this so well?)"

I chuckled without moving my lips causing his head to fly back. I stopped and waited for him to look back down before I took more in. He got the message, _**don't look away or I stop.**_ I had him pressed at the back of my throat, a small breath as I swallowed and his hips jumped forward. I wouldn't do this to much longer, or he wouldn't be any fun. He pulled out and pulled me up for a kiss.

"Perfecto (perfect). You are amazing (y/n)." He stroked my cheek as he pulled away, "turn around."

I turned around and let him bend me over the couch. He tugged my jeans down, and traced the lace lining of the panties I wore. Feather light touches slowly tugging them down before I received a hard smack to the right cheek.

"That's for the elevator," he smacked the left cheek, "that's for being a smartass," one last smack that almost filled the whole room as I whimpered, "that's just because I can."

He rubbed your bruising cheeks, "you know you look beautiful in red."

He was expecting a reply, and when I didn't open my mouth in fear of another wet whimper he stopped. His hand soothed the sting and he slowly turn my face to see him, studying me.

"Was that too hard?" I shook no and he frowned, "the truth."

I shook yes and he lifted me up carefully, being gentle and dodging my now red ass. He turned us around and laid down on the couch and laid me against him. He turned me on my side so my ass wouldn't touch anything and he kissed my cheek.

"Lo siento," he kissed me again, "I'm sorry."

"I didn't say stop," I smiled at him softly as he chuckled.

"Saddle up?" He raised a brow as I nodded and straddled his waist, his hands guided me down carefully as gasped and tipped my head back.

The silent understanding being found, he doesn't need to hold back anymore. He slipped me down over him, sparing a moment to adjust before raising his knees and forcing me to lean forward.

"Tell me if it's to much... Don't hold back." He kissed me after I nodded, the distraction needed to start moving in me.

He rocked me forward, my eyes rolled back and I gasped. His hands holding me still as he reached up to kiss me. My hips rolled with his, arms shaking as I struggle to hold myself up above him. He kissed my wrist to his left, then to his right. I was hitting a overload point, my eyes struggling to focus in as I felt the small burn in my belly.... Then a small tug and I black out.

* * *

_**Rafael's POV**_

> I smiled as I felt her clamp down, watching her body spasm with the sensation. Then she collapsed on me quickly and I struggled to catch her before she hit her head against mine. I rubbed her back, kissed her cheek and slowly laid her against my chest.
> 
> "Are you ok?"
> 
> No response.
> 
> "(Y/n), did you..."
> 
> Her eyes were closed and breathing shallow.  _ **She passed out... I actually made her pass out.**_ I huffed and lifted her up the best I could to carry her to bed. Tucking her in against me as I drifted off.
> 
> * * *

The next morning, we went our separate ways as I ran to catch up with Carisi. We found Tom Metcalf in a bar with a girl, so we went to pick him up. We found him taking to a girl and decided to make a little show of it. 

"How do you know all that, Tom." Carisi sat down beside him.

"Tom?" He shook his head, "my name is..."

I interrupted, "is Aldon." He looked at me confused and worried so I lean down and in my best seductive and sarcastic voice finished with, "let's go back to my place."

Carisi pulled him up, and we took him to the precinct. Carisi took him in to the box to interview as i sat doing paperwork. Amanda and Liv were watching. I looked up to see Tom leaving with a small smirk towards me as is held in my gag. Liv ran off saying something about meeting Barba for some warrants.

The searches turned up some good evidence, so Liv brought in Metcalf. Her and Barba were in the box offering a deal as I sat at the desk. Everyone else was off on some task and Liv three days later still haven't given me a clear answer on where I stood on this squad. She also was very insistent on me not doing any of the work that wasn't paperwork. I was getting frustrated and was just trying to help get this case over with so Liv would just transfer me or keep me so I wasn't flipping out anymore. Apparently he said no because Liv was cuffing him as Rafael walked out.

"(Y/n), hows work going?"

He stopped next to my desk as I looked up, "shitty. I am doing nothing but paperwork."

"Liv just doesn't want you to damage the case." He sighed, "it'll be fine."

I nodded and heard a door click as he sat on the edge of my desk. We both look to see Liv walking Metcalf to be processed. He looked over with a small smirk before continuing down the way. Raf stood up and straightened his jacket, leaning over the desk for a kiss.

"See you later."

"Bye Barba."

 He left quickly as I continued the paperwork, completely missing Liv walking back over. She stopped at my desk and caught my attention.

"I finished the first stac....."

"Good, not why I came over though." She gave a small smile, "let's chat in my office."

"Ok." I got up and followed her in, my head spinning as i sat down on the couch and watched Liv sit down next to me.

"So... You and Barba." She looked closely at me, "is it serious?"

"Before.... Not really. Then you seen the flowers and note. It got really serious, really quick." I wanted to look down but knew better.

"Do you want a relationship?" She was picking up on my nervousness.

"Yes. I definitely want a relationship with him, I love Barba."

"Then why are you nervous to talk about it?" I noticed she relaxed, not studying me anymore.

"Because I know how it looks. The age Gap and the cliche... I seen how Amanda looked at me and how carisi is trying so hard not to bring it up or act differently. Calling it a relationship in public is complicating my work." I sighed "and the constant desk duty."

"(Y/n), I want you to stay... But you have to understand that work is separate. Anymore little things like Charlie before... It can blow up in both you and barba's face."

"So we're good?" I smiled.

"Yeah. We're good." She smiled, "just remembered I'm here to talk if you need me or have any more secrets you need to confess to."

I stood up and left her office with a quick 'thank you', running back out and over to see Barba at court. He was taking the motions before a judge and trying to get the video evidence in for the trial. Liv was thinking I might want to wait on him and Inform her on the outcome. As i sat outside the door going on the fourteenth minute,  Rafael emerged and i caught his wrist in the hallway carefully.

"Hey cutie." I smiled.

"Cariño, what's up?"

"Liv sent me to see how the hearing went, wants me to report back." My smile was wide as he raised his brow.

"Then why are you so happy?"

"Liv said I can stay on... I'm good."

He smiled and wrapped me in a hug for a second before pulling back and giving a soft kiss on my cheek, "perfecto cariño, told you everything would be ok."

"Yeah... So this hearing. Tell me about it so I can tell Liv."

He chuckled and took my arm and walked out the back entrance, explaining everything before letting me go to walk the other way as a judge approach him. I shrugged it off and left to tell Liv the bad news.

As it would turn out, our relationship wouldn't be the bump in this case. It would be the lack of a law for the crime and shots at barba claiming he was being political and trying to gain support to run for office... Which would result in a lot of sex to clear his mind. And a strange beginning to our new relationship.


	3. Decline then awe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the Hendrix case, you get thrown off your game.

The most recent case for SVU was a lot more disturbing then I care to admit. A young girl, Sarah, was raped at after catering a party for a rich 80 year old Playboy, Lawrence Hendrix. Turns out, he raped her after his grandson had consentual sex with her earlier that night. After a investigation and proof he had sex with the girl, and tape admitting it, we arrested him and took him to court. Then his daughter got a order naming Lawrence Hendrix mentally incapacitated. This sent the squad, and raf, into a new issue on the case.... Finding someone or someway to prove he doesn't have dementia.

It was after court the first day, his insanity plea working well. Raf caught you in the hallway and tugged you to the side.

"(Y/n), how are you doing today?"

"Better then you it seems." I gave a soft smile, "we'll get this guy, don't worry."

Lawrence and his girlfriend stepped out in the hallway. His eyes shifted to us talking. I stole a kiss from raf to keep his attention, a idea clicking in my head.

"Maybe his girlfriend knows his tricks."

"And help convict the millionaire she's sponging off of? Doubt it." His eyes rolled up to catch him staring at us as well.

"Love you Rafael," I rested my hand on his cheek... It must finally be clicking in his head.

"Te amo niñita (I love you little girl),te veo esta noche hermosa." He pulled back a little, starting to walk away.

"Edios me amor." I purposely butchered his language to tease him further.  _ **Noche is night and Hermosa is beautiful.... Why the hell does he have to mix tongue so much around me?**_

"Adios mi amor." He corrected, "see you tonight beautiful." 

_**Ok... That makes sense. Your starting to pick it up now.** _

I watched him step on the elevator before I turned to walk past Hendrix now alone as his girlfriend stepped into the bathroom. He watched me as I started to walk by, and just like I thought... He took the bait.

"So you like older men sweetheart." He smiled.

"No, I like that older man." I shrugged it off.

"Don't think that this white hair means I need a pill. I could show you a fun time." He smirked, "maybe buy you some nice things."

"Sorry, I'm not a fan of drugs." I started down the steps, "or rape."

I rushed out the door and caught up to Carisi as he explained Barba called and asked her to grab the girlfriend and go to his office. She told us to just look at the paperwork and work the other cases. I frowned at my partner before starting out the door.

"So how are you and barba?"

I looked over and shrugged, "good. I mean I don't seem any problems."

"I still can't believe you're dating him." Carisi shook his head, "four months."

"Four months since we called it dating," I corrected, "ten months since we started 'seeing' each other."

"Do it bother you?" He looked over.

"Does what?" I was about to be extremely offended but sonny saved it.

"This case. The billionaire with the much younger gold-digger girlfriend and raping the very young girl." He paused, "even Barba is playing up the ages."

"No. Not really." I stopped on the sidewalk, "one was rape and the other is just about money. The man will flaunt his money and drug women... Me and barba, it's not that. I'm not dating him because of money and even if he lost his job tomorrow and I had to support him... I wouldn't let it shake me."

He nodded, "I didn't mean to offen..."

"You didn't. Just drop it carisi." I moved on and he caught back up.

* * *

 Court the next day, raf had the girlfriend, Sue-Ann, on the stand. Apparently my first idea worked well, as raf questioned her.

 "After I heard what the girl said, I took the pills from Lawrence's bedroom and I put them in Eric's. I know it was wrong. I just panicked." She sat up there clearly saving her own ass.

"How did you know the pills would be in your boyfriend's bedroom?" Barba stopped and looked over at the defense table, "Ms.Daly?"

"He likes to use them when he has sex." She looked anywhere but at her boyfriend, "When we do it, he puts a Quaalude in my drink and gives it to me."

"With your consent?"

"No. I mean, he tries to hide what he's doing, but I know, I-I see." She blinked and looked at the jury, apparently the situation finally felt real to her.

"No more questions. Thank you." Barba sat down as their defense attorney stood.

"Ms.Daly, what else do you and Mr.Hendricks like to do in your private time?"

"We talk, watch movies, listen to music." She smiled feeling more comfortable.

"Mm, what what does Mr.Hendricks like to talk about?"

"Old friends. People he used to hang out with in the New York clubs or the Playboy Mansion."

"Mm, and and the movies and the music, what does he like?"

 _ **Are you kidding me? We get it the dude is a fucking dinosaur. He is old... But he doesn't have dementia.**_ I caught raf looking slightly annoyed and confused at these questions.

"The Godfather. Jaws. Smokey and the Bandit."

**_In that case... I think I might be a eighty year old man. God knows I can tell you every line from those movies basically.... What defense is this?_ **

She was excused from the stand, walking to take a seat as Hendrix was called up. The old man knew his part well, I doubt if he will slip... But I can hope.  _ **Come on raf, show them why I call you papi.**_

"Mr. Hendricks, can you tell us what year it is?" Timmins approached.

"You know what?" Hendrix exhales, "I'd rather not say."

"And why is that, sir?"

"Well, I keep seeing dates past the year 2000 on, uh, newspapers, magazines, and such. I'm trying to understand what's going on." 

_**Oh good he is milking this.... Please tell me the jury isn't buying this.** _

"So, Mr. Hendricks, uh, we've heard testimony here, sir, that you've given women Quaaludes as a prelude to sex."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes those pills are just thigh openers. Everybody uses them. No big deal." He shrugs it off.

_**Now that wasn't acting, that was real.... The man is repulsive.** _

"Even if the women don't know?"

"How could they not know? If they're coming to party, they know what to expect."

That got the same reaction from a lot of the audience, especially Liv looking like she wanted to throw up and hit the man. Her audible huff of disgust, how ever shared by most people, wasn't appreciated in the court room. It wasn't extremely loud but Barba turned to give a warning glare at me and Liv as we sat with the poor victim. Then he looked back as the next question was given.

"And there's a young woman who's, uh, accusing you of rape."

"I don't I don't know what's going on with her."

 _ **You raped her and said she wanted it... And you drugged her.... Your her problem.**_  I bit my tongue a little and kept eeriely silent as not to let my thoughts slip out.

"And she says you drugged her without her knowledge."

"After she had sex with Eric, she was already partying. They came out of his bedroom. I had a drink with them. Eric went to sleep, and then it was my turn." He said it as of it was common knowledge.

"And you see nothing wrong with that?"

"Why should I?"

"Thank you." Timmins sat down and raf started his questions from his seat.

"Do you ever use a desktop computer?"

"Of course. Marvelous things."

"You're aware that they did not exist in 1975?" 

Barba was on his game, I couldn't have been more thrilled... He wasn't going to let Hendrix look disabled.

"What do you mean?" Hendrix scoffed, "How do you think we made it to the moon a few years ago?"

'Here's a photo of Avalon headquarters in 1975. Not a computer in sight." Barba stood and clicked the remote to showed the photo on the screen. He walked over to the tv and pointed out there was no computers in the picture.

"Oh, the desktop models came in just after that photo was taken. We're a very successful company. We can afford the newest technology." Hendrix turned to the jury and was almost definitely trying to sell his company....  _ **as if any of them want to shop their after hearing this.**_

"And you can certainly afford to expand." Barba pulled a file and opened it, "Let's see, in 1975, Avalon had 22 stores. And now you have 900...Uh, are you telling me you're not aware of the difference?"

_**Pull back, your starting to look very bias... Come on papi.** _

"Mr. Barba, if you understood business, you'd know how rapidly a successful company can grow."

"From 22 to 900 like?" Barba snapped his fingers.

"Well, the planning has been going on for years." Hendrix paused, "You really don't understand this, do you?"

"Do you know what this is?" Barba lifted his cell phone up for everyone to see.

"A telephone."

"Really? This looks like a 1970s telephone to you?"

"My God." Hendrix chuckled, "I remember when phones were attached to the wall. They had this little, round dial, you'd put your finger in and turn it."

"Back in the '70s." Barba finished.

"Uh, actually, 1950s, but I may be a little older than you." 

"You're certainly more experienced, sir." Barba's look was a little more firm, "So, um, the night of, this, uh, party, where you gave Sarah Morrissey Quaaludes, what were you celebrating?"

"My birthday."

"Your 75th." Barba gave him.

"That was a gag." Hendrix chuckled softly.

"How old are you?" Raf asked, and I say raf because that cool persona I see from him at work had cracked... He wasn't getting through, he could tell the jury wasn't buying that Hendrix was mentally sound.

"As young as I feel. And I feel pretty good."

"One last question. Are you aware that drugging and raping women was illegal in 1975?"

"Objection!" Timmins glared.

"Withdrawn." My man exhaled, obviously feeling the defeat, "Nothing further."

 Recess was called for the day and Barba need something more, and he wasn't afraid to tell us. Liv decided that calling the grandson out on leaving out the drinks with grandfather Hendrix there would hopefully get him to flip. Her and Barba went that route as I stayed in the hall with sonny for a moment before he left and I decided to wait for Amanda. She had been sitting with the victim waiting for the room to clear a little as Hendrix was rushed out the other side. It took no time for him to catch me waiting.

"Waiting on me sweetheart."

"Only in your dreams." I sneered and looked at the door.

"The A.D.A... he's only a little bit younger." He smirked.

His daughter rushed out and ushered him off,  _ **He isn't worried? Why is he focused on me?**_ I sighed as Amanda came out with Sarah, walking them out and waving down a cab as Amanda talked her through the next part of trial. Of course my brain was now turning... I bet smoke was coming out my ears if someone looked just right.  _ **He is jealous... Hendrix is jealous that the younger man got a even more beautiful and younger girl then his girlfriend. It's the same with his grandson.... it's jealousy.**_ I missed Amanda speaking, but her hand jolted me.

"(Y/n)? You in there?"

"Yeah sorry."

"Zoning out are we? Come on, let's get back to the squad room."

"Yeah," I started walking with her as she watched me, only serving to make me uncomfortable.

"What are you thinking about?"

"This case."

"Comparing it to you and barba?" She said nonchalantly until I stopped and looked at her.

"No... Why the hell does everyone keep asking that?" I shook my head as she frowned.

"You mean Barba didn't tell you?"

That got my attention, "excuse me?"

"Barba talked to Liv about it. Made a few comments to all of us as we have been going through this case.... I though he talked to you about it."

"Excuse me, I'm gonna just go wait to have a chat with Barba." 

I did a perfect 180 on my heels and started towards his office instead of the squad room.  ** _I'm tired of this... Why the hell is he telling all the squad he feels awkward in this relationship but let's me think we're good. The fucking nerve he has..._** I was bubbling over in anger as I reached the steps of 1 Hogan place. I needed answers to this issue that I recently discovered... And I wanted the truth even if it killed me.

I stepped in and stopped by Carmen, I wasn't about to interrupt case work. She obviously could tell I was pissed and immediately moved to take messages instead of forwarding the call in to him. I started to sit but found that my leg wouldn't stop bouncing so I stood back up and heard some yelling from inside... I struggled to piece it together.

"Shut your mouth!.... hear me? Don't you....er talk that way about...?"

"But I'm not testifying against Grandpa." I heard as out walked Eric the grandson. 

No Liv, no raf.... Then I faintly heard more talking.

"You need help putting my father away? Put me on the stand."

I made out a quick yes from raf and seen the son,  Larry jr exited with Liv. She stopped when she seen me.

"(L/n)..."

"I need to talk to Barba." I watched her nod.

"Ok... See you after your chat." She left with the son and explained how tomorrow would go.

Raf stood in the door, a little shocked. Probably from my demeanor but he just motioned me in. I stepped in behind him and shut his door as he turned around by his desk.

"(Y/n), I'm a little busy. I have to get Hendrix jr on the witness list and write up ques...."

I interrupted, "Do you want this relationship?"

He froze, "what?"

His confusion was clear... But I couldn't make out the other feature.

"Do you want this relationship? Am I wasting my time with you." I kept my voice hard as he dropped his posture.

"Of course I want this relationship, why wouldn't I? What makes you think I don't?"

"You have been expressing plenty of concern to all my co-workers. I have had carisi and Amanda ask about it and now that I'm thinking about it.... Liv did to only much less directly."

"Niñita (little girl)..."

"Don't. Don't fucking call me that right now... I want answers not pet names." I shifted to face him better and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Did I initially talk to Liv about the fact this case gave me second thoughts?.... yes. Did this extend to anyone in the squad that asked me how I was doing?... Yes." He sighed, "just the stereo type of his girlfriend and how they were playing Sarah until he got his dementia ruling... It made me think about us and I questioned a lot of things but never once even thought about doing any of them."

"You were having second thoughts about this relationship?"

"Yes, for a split second. But I dont believe it... I love you (y/n). I don't want to lose you." He reached out and I moved back to keep out of reach.

"You shared that with everyone else except me? I feel like a fool Everytime I told them I was happy and we were good when your standing behind my back saying your having doubts..."

"Only for a few seconds. (Y/n) I want you. I love you. The second thoughts were nothing and stupid and completely on a different topic then us as a couple... The second thoughts were on a different matter. I never meant it about us they just took it that way."

"Then what was it about? What did you have second thoughts about that involved me? Was it us moving in a month ago? Was it letting me get a dog? Was it introducing me to your mom? Please do tell Rafael, what did you second guess about us if it wasn't the relationship? And how did it involve this case?" I challenged.

He froze, his hands in his pocket... I was done with it. I started out the door as he tried to keep me there. He stretched my name and reached for me but I was through the door and shutting it when he even got close. A nice loud slamming of his door gave him exactly what I thought of his answers. I left quickly as Carmen watched, obviously this was uncomfortable for anyone that was watching and that was only her. I didn't try to go back to work, a simple text to Liv saying I needed the rest of the night off. She never replied but I sure as hell knew Rafael would've been talking to her by now to tell her I would be back tonight. Then probably a call to his dear 'mami' for advice. I wasn't holding my breath for anything more tonight... Hell I would be amazed if he came home tonight.

* * *

 After a hour of being home with our fuzzy ball of love, Heero, I was feeling ever so slightly better. The Shiba Inu that I begged Rafael to let me adopt so the poor newborn pup wasn't left on the street. I hid him for about three days with the help of the squad before raf found him when I left him to buy him a small bag of food... I thought we were done then, but rad surprised me and agreed to adopt him. And let me name him.

Heero sat on the couch cuddled with me as I watched the tv, he hugged and nudged my hand.

"No heero... Mommy isn't feeling like it right now."

He nudged again and licked the palm of my hand, "fine. One."

I got up and retrieve a treat and whistled before tossing it up high to almost touch the ceiling, he jumped up and caught it before laying down to chew the small bone shaped treat.

"Good boy," I patted his head as he almost looked like he was smiling, "love you boy."

I was destracted and missed the door opening. Rafael came in and quietly shut the door and watched as I sat with the dog on the floor, spilling my heart out.

"You know what, I love him... I do. But after hearing almost the whole squad tell me that he isn't believing in this relationship as much as I am... It kills me. I like this job, I like his work in the court room... I like what we have and I don't want it to end. I wish you could talk some sense into him." I pouted at the dog and heard the chuckle.

"Maybe I should." 

I turned around and seen Rafael standing there with a bundle of (favorite flower) and that damn pout I can't resist on his face.

"I'm sorry (y/n). It was stupid to doubt us and even worse I didn't just tell you.... Forgive me?" 

I got up and took the flowers, sniffing them softly, "for the moment."

I put them in a vase as he watched me, "I promise to talk to you directly next time this happens. No squad talks, I'll go directly to you."

"Good boy." I walked by and patted heero's head.

"(Y/n)? Is that a good enough promise?" He bit his lip and watched as I walked back towards the guest room.

"I said good boy."

He smiled softly before I turned away and went to the guest room to sleep. Heero joined me after a few minutes and I heard Rafael walked to the main bed. I wished he would be stubborn and come in here to sleep, but of course I made a impression... He slept in the other bed.

* * *

 As court started today, raf seemed to be his usual self until he was tucked away. I seen a slight deflate or something as Liv talked to him before court started. But the moment the judge walked in, he was his usual slightly cocky self. Larry jr was called to the stand and sworn in.

"Mr. Hendricks, how often do you see your father?"

"Once a month at Avalon board meetings." 

"And at these board meetings, does he usually seem to know what century he's in?" Barba approached the jury.

"He's never given any indication that he doesn't."

"Can you think of any reason he'd be faking a mental illness?" Barba asked.

"Objection.The witness is not an expert." 

"He's an expert on his father." Barba challenged.

"Overruled.The witness may answer." Judge siding with Barba.

"Yes, he doesn't want to go to jail."

"Indeed." Barba sat down.

Timmins stood up and approached the stand, "You are aware, aren't you, that your father was recently declared incapable in a civil proceeding?"

"Brought by my sister so that she could take over the company." Larry jr reasoned.

"Right, right. She's next in line to run it, isn't she?"

"Yes, she is."

We all could tell where this was going, now we all hope Barba can fix this.

"Yeah, and weren't you the heir apparent at one point?"

"Objection. Relevance."  _ **Come on barba, you can do this.**_

"Goes to the credibility of the witness."

"I'll allow it."  _ **Damn it.**_

"Mr.Hendricks, isn't it true that your father booted you out of the company a few years ago and installed your sister in your place? And you dislike him for that, don't you?"

"He didn't boot me out.I walked away." Now Larry jr was getting defensive.

"Really? Really? Well Does this, uh, newspaper article from 1996, does this refresh your memory?" Timmins pulled out the article and gave it to Larry jr, "Could you, uh Could you read it, please?"

"Lawrence Hendricks Junior, pictured here with his wife, Monica, and his father, Lawrence Hendricks Senior, toasting the younger Hendricks' appointment as Chief Operating Officer of Avalon Stores."

"You were pretty happy there, weren't you?"

"I guess."

"Yeah, and then, two months later, you're out, exiled to the company's foundation.Do you still insist that you hold no ill will towards your father?"

"It's not a secret that I don't like him very much."

"Right, so you wouldn't mind seeing him go to jail?"

"Objection." Barba interjected, "Argumentative."

"Withdrawn.It's very clear why this witness is here." Timmins walked away to his table as Barba stood back up.

"Mr.Hendricks, why are you here?"

"To tell the truth."

"Thank you." Barba sat back down as recess was called.

Larry jr left and me and Liv decided to follow him out, catching something interesting in his testimony. Liv caught him first and started.

"Mr.Hendricks, you did tell the truth in there."

"Of course I did."

"But I'm guessing not the whole truth." I added.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you tell me." I started then Liv finished, "Your ex-wife's name is Monica, right?"

"Yes. So?"

"So you didn't hear the tape, but when your father was in the park with Sarah, at one point he slipped up and he He called her Monica." Liv watched him carefully.

"He did?"

"Yeah."

I interjected, "Why would he call Sarah, a woman that he just raped, by your ex-wife's name?"

"A mistake."

"May I ask why you and your wife got divorced? Is it Is it something that your father did?" Liv jumped on it this time.

"It's none of your business."

"No, but it's Sarah Morrissey's business." I added before letting Liv finish.

"Your father raped her and God knows how many other women he assaulted, so I think it's all of their business. Look, I don't know if you're embarrassed or you're guilty or you're trying to protect your family name, but I'm pretty sure that Eric is trying to protect his grandfather." She paused and put a hand on his shoulder, "It's time that you told your son what kind of man your father really is. And maybe that will convince him to tell the truth."

Larry jr agreed and he brought his son up to barba's office while I went back to the squad room.

* * *

It was almost ten o'clock as I sat at the bar. The same one me and Barba started at. The time we usually meet up... And as I sat there, worried about the future of us since he had second thoughts about us, I heard a familiar voice.

"Is this seat taken?"

I turned to see Rafael, tie loosened and jacket half off his shoulders as well.

"No but if you're having second thoughts I wouldn't take it... Might be to much." I took a sip as he sighed.

"Corazón (Sweetheart), I love you. I told that to you, in this very spot. I confessed that I loved you wrote a letter to disclose. I asked you to move in with me, I got us a dog.... I love you. I know I love you. The second thoughts weren't about you." He sat down and turned towards me as I watched my drink swirl on my glass, "it was never about you. No podría pasar un día sin ti.(I couldn't go a day without you.)"

I looked over with the classic 'english please' and he repeated, "I couldn't go a day without you."

"Then what was the second thoughts about?"

"Something stupid to think I would ever regret." He smiled and kissed my head, "I cant tell you yet, arruinará la sorpresa." He smiled, "it'll ruin the surprise."

"Why do you keep mixing the languages? You don't do it at work, your almost completely Spanish with your Mami.... Why do I have to get both when I only understand one?" I raised a brow.

"Sinceramente (honestly) .. Pareces linda cuando estás confundido." He smiled and kissed my lips as I refused to budge, "you look cute when your confused."

I slapped his arm as he chuckled, "that is just mean."

He smiled and took your hand, "let's go home my darling."

I couldn't tell you why, but I just went along with it. I couldn't stay mad at him, especially when I knew that twinkle in his eyes and the silent promise it brings that I'll be more then ready to forgive him by the end of the night. He pulled me off my stool and tossed down cash for my drinks. An arm pulling me close as he walked us out for him to hail a cab. My curiosity was spiking at the use of surprise but I didn't want to push it. So I let it drift off and focused on my sweet man, he hugged me close and kept me tucked under his arm until we were in the warmth of the cab. His hand rubbing my hip softly, his lips kissing my neck. I giggled as his hand slid under my slacks and cheeky panties. A firm squeeze as I stole his lips from my neck, only to be interrupted by the cab stopping at our building. He removed his hand and paid before pulling me out and into the building. We were up stairs and in the door as his hand had pushed down my pants.

"Rafi." I gasped as he lead me backwards to our bed, a trail of clothes to prove it.

"Shhhhhhh..... Deja que papi haga el trabajo." He leaned me back until I was laying down.

"Papi..." He cut me off with a blistering kiss.

"Just let papi do the work." He hummed in my ear and moved my wrists up before tying them down.

I felt his hands traced my sides and his eyes trace my form before blindfolding me with his tie. I laid still, heart racing like before... His knees parted mine and a hand cupped my cheek.

"Hermosa (beautiful).... Always so perfect." I felt his nose run up my cheek before a familiar pressure below, "relax and enjoy."

He pushed in as I gasped, his hands rubbing my sides softly and his lips kissing mine, "breathe.... Relax....dejar papi hacer todo el trabajo.(let daddy do all the work.)"

He rolled his hips in and I arched up until he took ahold of my chest and softly pushed down. His lips find my nipple instead now as the other twisted by his fingers. My mouth was wide but no sound came out. I felt a jolt up my spine, my legs spasmed and toes curled as he thrusted slightly harder. It was sublime, a pure Bliss as he had full control.

"That's it, show papi what he does to you."

 My hips raised higher, arms straining against the bed and restraints. Feet hooked around his waist as he sat up and changed angles. My heart was pounding, and then a hand was place over the pounding organ. Soft kisses traced down my throat and chest before I broke. My body spasmed and felt my head go numb... He didn't stop. He kept going as my sensitive body continued it's spasm. My legs squeezed him and my body barley touched the mattress as he tried to hold me down. My second orgasm ripped through and i squeezed him tight enough for him to follow. I heard him panting, then slowly felt him pull out as I whimpered. He reached up and undid the restraints, rubbing my wrists right after my body fell back to the bed. He didn't touch the blindfold, infact he moved to the edge of the bed and sat down. He was still panting, causing me to worry a little. So I slowly sat up and slid down the bed to sit behind him, leaving my legs spread so I didn't have to face the soreness immediately. Once I felt my legs touch his, outlining them perfectly. I quickly let my body embrace him from behind, my hand sliding under his arm and up to his chest so I could feel his heart beat. Next thing I know, he covered my hand with his.

"Why didn't you take off the blindfold." He whispered into my ear.

"You never told me too papi." I played innocent and loyal to the end, always would for him... I'd do anything for him.

"necesita ser capaz de ver ... Ayuda cuando un detective puede ver." He chuckled and slowly reached to undo his tie and toss it on the floor close to the other clothes, "You need to be able to see... It helps when a detective can see."

His hand returned back to cover mine, "I see fine when I'm not having sex with you."

That earned a small smirk as I kissed his cheek and rested my chin on his shoulder. He squeezed my hand to his chest after a small kiss to my palm, his other hand rubbed my leg that slowly started to slide over his. I watched him take a deep breath, felt his body move with it then his eyes flickered closed.

"You ok Rafi?"

"Fine corazon, te amo." He opened his eyes and turned to kiss me, "you just gave this old man a work out."

"Rafi?" I smirked as he watched carefully with curiousity, "your not a old man. If that didn't prove it, we can go again. I love your love."

He took a second to take in my face, watching for the sincerity... And once he seen it he kissed me. Like he always does, he has to see that I mean it because he still can't believe I would be with someone his age. Not that I blamed him on that thought, he was only a few years younger then my parents.

"I think I need some sleep." He rested his forehead to mine and slowly moved his hand from his chest, pulling mine with it.

"Then let's get some sleep baby." I put both my arms around him and hug him tight as I poorly try to pull him back with me.

He chuckled and kissed me as he removed my arms so he could lay down. He pulled me to his chest, cuddling me tight to him as our eyes flickered shut. That night was the best sleep I had in a while, and judging by his chipper morning mood... Rafael's too.

* * *

Eric, the grandson, took the stand and won is our case. He admitted that his grandfather made them drinks and that he was told not to take the first drink he reached for, it was given to Sarah. We had the last piece to the puzzle and grandfather Hendrix cracked. The jury wasn't buying his dementia claims now and he was put away for rape. This case left a sour feeling in our mouths, so we did what we could do. We went out for a drink, the whole squad and my big bad ADA. But like through this whole case, raf seemed weird, I just hoped it wasn't the same thing it had been.

"So (y/n), great job catching that Monica slip up." Carisi handed me a refill, "you too lieu."

"I can't believe that bastard raped his daughter-in-law while she was pregnant with his grandson." Amanda shook her head.

"It makes me sick." I mumbled as fin patted my back.

"Get use to it, SVU is full of these cases." 

Wasn't very comforting but then again, nothing really was at this moment. Raf had walked to the bar to get a second round, but as he returned I seen it wasn't my usual drink. It was champagne and he carried a small present too.

"That better not be for me." I pointed at the box as everyone chuckled.

"I owe you an apology for being distant, I figured a gift would be best." He handed me the box.

Everyone took a champagne flute as I ask the next question, "what's with the champagne?"

"For the toast I want to make. Open your gift first so I know you enjoy it." He motioned me on.

I rolled my eyes and pulled the small bow. Everyone was watching as I picked up the lid and lifted it up slowly. Inside was a book, but not just any book. A first edition, first print of (favorite book). I already owned this but the fact Rafael probably spent a long time tracking this down was enough to make me smile.

"I love it. Thank you." I smiled at him.

"Then why don't you open it up since we both know you already own that copy." He smirked as I gave him a curious glance.

I pulled it out of the box and slowly opened it, the inside cover read '(y/n), Will you marry Rafael Barba?' my breath caught at the author signature underneath and the ring sticking out of the open ring box sitting in the hollowed out pages. I froze staring at the ring, my heart losing rhythm as my mind goes blank. I couldn't speak, hell my mind was void of words until I seen his hands and heard his voice.

"(Y/n)," he pulled the ring from the box and lifted my hand, with it my eyes to meet his, "will you marry me?"

"Yes." I forced out as everyone smiled.

He slipped the ring on my finger and shut the box before closing the book softly. The bar was cheering as I looked at him smiling back. He lifted the champagne, mine following suit.

"Cheers to us." He smirked at my still lack of words, "and finally making you speechless."

"Love you too Rafael." I sipped the glass and lifted up just enough to kiss him, "I definitely never had second thoughts about that."

He smiled, the jokes were welcomed. As was the rest of the night and drinks given to the happy couple.... Me and Rafael, finally a very solid item. Definitely past the fling people believed before.


	4. Know it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael gets in a bind and insists on hiding it from you till the last minute.

Since Rafael proposed, I couldn't be loving life more. Everything was fitting together perfect and I couldn't wait to actually marry the man.... Or actually I could. No date has been set yet, no plans made... The engagement was set more open ending at the moment. Because neither of us wanted to rush it. Life was going amazingly well, almost to good to be true seeming as our job was sex crimes... Then came this case.

 A young woman was found raped and murder matching a series of others that we had started investigating. Liv had a funny feeling about it and insisted on investigating it. Me and raf were unsure if her gut feeling was good enough to continue looking, but Liv pushed on and I couldn't run now. Me and Carisi met the boyfriend and I started to see her side.

"Attention,' what do they pay attention to?" Carisi frowned at me.

"According to their website, everything." I looked over at him as we stood waiting by the door of the office space, "You know, you do a search for a flight to Chicago, you start getting ads for warm gloves and Cubs hats."

"Oh, these are those bastards?" He looked around slightly as I chuckled.

"Yeah, they data mine your internet usage, and then they sell it to advertisers. 'Truth through Transparency' is their motto." I scuffed a little, "They want the world to be able to see everything, no privacy."

"I'd think the police would like that. If nothing can be hidden, there can be no crime. Am I right? Detective (L/n) from (hometown/city), (state), recently engaged and Detective Carisi, proud graduate of Tottenville High, Prince's Bay, Staten Island." A tall nice looking guy came up, "How can I help you?"

"That's great." Carisi looked irritated, "You always do background checks on your guests, Mr. Willard?"

"No, I gather information." He smiled softly, "It's what I do."

"You're a professional Googler?" Carisi frowned.

"No, I'm a little better than that. I collect data. All data. Knowledge is power, right? And my knowledge tells me I know why you're here. It's about my app, isn't it?"

"Why would you think that?" I raised my brow as he lead us back further into the office.

"Look, I've been visited by Brooklyn and Bronx detectives already this past month. I'm gonna tell you what I told them. If some degenerate wants to use my app to stalk women," he turned to look at us, "that's on him, not me."

"Guys use your app to stalk women?" I watched Carisi look of annoyance, probably thinking about all the cases this guy gives us a week.

"That's not what it was designed for. Look the app isn't the problem. It's the solution."

"But that's not why we're here." I stopped him as Carisi finished for me, "We're here about Jennifer Knowles. She's your employee."

"Yes." He now looked confused, "She's not in today. She might be working from home. These creative types."

"But you were with her last night." Carisi asked.

"Yes, why?"

"Until what time?" Carisi pushed.

"Uh, till 10:00? I'm sorry, do you want to tell me why you're here?"

"Ms. Knowles was raped and murdered last night." Carisi spoke softly as I watched his reaction, it looked genuine but something felt off.

Sputtering, the man was trying to work through his mind block, "Jennifer? That's not possible. Are you sure it's her?"

"Her sister made the ID. She was found at a construction site." I frowned and took a glance around.

"Oh, my God. Yeah, it's all over the feeds. What, so you're telling me that lunatic serial killer did this?"

"Possible." Was all I said.

"You say the last time you saw her was 10:00 p.m.?" Carisi adds as they start their back and forth.

"I don't know, maybe 10:30?"

"Well, we understand that she was breaking up with you." I slip in as he looked insulted.

"Yes, we decided to call it quits. What does that have to do with..."

"So it was mutual? No hard feelings?" My partner was back in to take over.

"No, oh, is this from Laura? Look, she's a nice woman, but she's not exactly in sync with reality. She's paranoid. Especially about men. It doesn't help that she drinks too much."

"She said she was in AA." 

"Yeah, she was until she slept with her sponsor and began a downward spiral. I'm sorry, this is overwhelming."

"Did you talk to Jennifer after you left her apartment?"

"What-what was it, 11:00? 10:30, no, I went home. I didn't call her. She didn't call me." He looked confused or maybe frustrated, I couldn't quite tell.

"Do you have any idea why she would've gone out after you left?"

"I don't know, maybe to rescue her screwed up sister again. This is why I do what I do. If everything was transparent, you'd already know what happened, wouldn't you?" That was our cue to leave, and we gladly took it.

As we left the building I looked at Carisi, "that guy was weird right? I see him being a stalker-ish... Controlling boyfriend."

"I don't know, he seemed genuinely sad at the news." Carisi looked over.

"Remorse."

"I don't know... I think your gut is wrong on this one partner." Carisi opened the car door as I did so too, slidding in to head back to the precinct.

* * *

The precinct had caught a guy who admitted to all of the rapes and Jennifer Knowles but it felt off. So we started digging into the case and at the apartment, we found rope. We all believed it now, so Fin went to his rope guy. And the rope guy gave the news we wanted, it matched Knowles' rope. We had our evidence and was ready to give the case to Barba.

> * * *
> 
> _**Barba POV**_
> 
> _"Wait a minute, they're about to build a statue in your honor at 1PP for catching the serial killer/rapist that had the whole city on edge. Now you're telling me this guy didn't do it?" I slowly pulled my coat and scarf to lay over my chair._
> 
> _"He didn't do one." She explained as she followed suit._
> 
> _"Right, because why? Because her boyfriend had sex with her before she was killed?" I laid my jacket over my coat and sat down turned slightly towards her._
> 
> _"Her controlling, emotionally abusive boyfriend whom she broke up with that night." Liv sat facing me as she spoke._
> 
> _"So he killed her in her apartment and transported her," I paused to think, "to the construction site..."_
> 
> _She finished, "...Four blocks away. Completely_ _do-able."_
> 
> _"And then what? And then he left her there with her hands tied with a rope, hair shorn, using the exact M.O. as the Second Avenue Strangler? No, that information was private.Willard could not know those details." I emphasized the private details and I knew she would have the answer for it._
> 
> _"Unless unless he hacked into NYPD's computer system. He's a technical genius. If anyone could do it, he could."_
> 
> _"Okay, so, in your scenario, Willard, with his dead girlfriend in the room, hacked the NYPD, and then tied her with a rope...." She cut me off again._
> 
> _"A rope that the Second Avenue Strangler never used before. A rope that Willard found in Jennifer's apartment."_
> 
> _"Which is your only actual piece of real evidence."_
> 
> _"Which is a damn good piece of evidence."_
> 
> _"True." I conceded._
> 
> _"If the rope matches..."_
> 
> _"The crusading Lieutenant Benson gets her man." I jested._
> 
> _Her phone buzzing Interrupted my reply, or well continued joke/advice. She wouldn't listen but I still offered it._
> 
> _"And upsets a very large apple cart in the process." She_ _looked down at the phone dumbfounded, "what is it?"_
> 
> _She shook her head and got up quickly, "I got to run, raincheck on that drink Barba."_
> 
> _I nodded and watched her shoot off. **It's ok, I don't need to know what it is.** Even I hated the sarcasm I held in that thought._
> 
> * * *

The rope guy had ran, he changed his ID of the rope and was about to commit suicide when Fin and Amanda stopped him. This brought a sour taste to everyone's mouth as Liv went to talk to Barba about saving the case. He promised us warrants and Liv sent us to the attention office for her to join us only seconds after we arrived.

"Hands off the keyboards." Fin started as he walked in, each of us stepping in behind him.

"Tell your employees not to touch a thing." Liv added.

"This is private property, unless you have a warrant, which I don't see." Willard spat.

"It's on its way." I brushed past him.

"Nobody touch a thing until I say so." Liv called out.

"You can't just tell me to stop my business." Willard stood behind Liv as her phone buzzed and she answered.

"Barba, we all set? What? Why?"

"What's going on?" Amanda walked over to Liv as we all turned towards her.

_**Is he ok? Did something happen? Did he not get the warra...** _

"Barba just said he's off the case, and he has to recuse himself." Liv looked shocked.

"Why?" Carisi walked over.

"I don't know." Liv shook her head as Willard got cocky.

"Let me guess, somebody finally realized this whole investigation makes no sense and told you to back off."

"That's not gonna happen." Liv glared as we all left the building.

The squad was looking at me for answers as to why Barba would recuse himself from the case, and I was wondering the same thing. So as Liv, Fin, and me went back with a warrant from a different ADA, I was looking for anything that might explain it.

"My girlfriend was just murdered. This is outrageous!" Willard flared a little rage as me Liv and Fin walked back into the office with a few techs.

"You mean overdue." Liv replied.

"No, I mean outrageous. You're not supposed to be here." He pushed back.

"Why? Because you didn't see it on email or because it's an old-fashioned, handwritten warrant?" I quipped as I pushed past him.

"Officers are searching your apartment and car right now." Fin finished as he started his task, "Hands off your computers."

"You're wasting your time."

"Okay, we will need access to all of your hardware and the servers that they're linked to. NYPD will be transporting them, and they'll be returned to you when our search of its contents is complete." Liv addressed the workers.

"That's quite the speech. Did you rehearse that on the way over here? Where'd you get this warrant anyway? Your friend Barba? I thought he was smarter than that." He glared and I felt my heart stutter.

Fin looked over at Liv and Liv froze for a millisecond.

"Oh, well." He finished.

"You need to step aside. Now." Liv warned as we collected the computers.

Once the computers were collected, we met back up with Carisi and Rollins at the bull pin. I knew what was coming but I was praying they would spare me.... Hoping to dodge the looks and the conversation I didn't want.

"Okay, TARU's got a thousand mega-terabytes or whatever to go through." Fin sat down at his desk.

"CSU says nothing in Willard's car matches anything found on any of the victims, including Jennifer." Amanda finished.

"Well, we know from Jennifer's apartment that this guy knows how to clean up his messes." Liv sighs.

"Liv, listen, when Willard said to you 'your friend Barba'..." Fin started towards the reaction I didn't want.

"He said that?" Amanda looked shocked.

"Yeah, how does he know that you and Barba are friends?" Carisi asked liv but his eyes shifted to me.

"You guys, we have to assume that he's been reading our emails." Liv put it out there on the table and everyone was about to add to it... Except me.

"We know he hacked Bennett, okay? Then he blackmailed him. So if he's hacking Barba..." Fin was cut off by Carisi.

"You think he's blackmailing Barba too?"

"Barba was getting us a warrant, then all of a sudden he didn't?" Fin said as everyone looked down, I assumed because I closed my eyes after the first second in his short pause, "I'm open for another explanation, but it makes sense to me." 

"What do you think, Liv?" Fin look at her.

"I don't know. I think We need more information." She shook her head but gave in and finally looked towards me.

"Like this? A uni found a burner cell in the garbage outside of Willard's apartment. Here's the outgoing call list....Okay, you got one call to Bennett's office." Carisi paused.

 "We knew that." Amanda added.

"And then one call to Barba's office." Carisi continued.

"Told you it made sense." Fin received a glare from me and Liv for that one.

"Who else did he call?" I hoped to get this topic off my fiance.

"There's a bunch of calls to a number in the Bronx. Ashtonja Abreu." Carisi finished with a frown.

"Who's that?" Amanda asked and looked towards me softly, as if I had any clue at this moment.

Liv and Carisi went to see this Ashtonja Abreu and Liv ordered me to go home. I was sitting here freaking out. Raf wasn't home and it was getting late, I tried calling and he wasn't answering. I was thinking about the rope guy and wondering if Rafi would be the same? 

_**What blackmail does Willard have on Rafi? What blackmail is there on Rafi? And who is this Ashtonja, is she being blackmailed? No, he's targeting the case so she is the blackmail... But he called her after Raf, so she has to be the blackmail on him... So who the fuck is she?** _

I bit my lip and just sat there with Heero on my lap. I stroked his head softly and he cuddled up to me, as if to say 'don't worry' and I couldn't help it. Raf wasn't home, he had to have been blackmailed... This was driving me insane. I looked at the pooch on my lap, and sighed as I moved him long enough to change into sweats and a sweatshirt to cuddle with him better.

"Heero, do you think Rafi is cheating on me?" 

He huffed and shook his head softly before scratching his ear.

"Did he tell you about Ashtonja? Not that you can tell me cause your a dog." I frowned as he tipped his head in confusion.

"Yeah I'm sorry, didn't mean to make that sound insulting. Your an awesome puppy aren't you." He perked up and wagged his tail.

"Your crazy (y/n). You've gone completely insane." I mimicked Raf's voice, "muy loco (very crazy)".

Heero snorted and laid his head on my lap, I pet him a little more.... Then spoke again.

"Do you think he really loves me?"

Heero huffed.

"I know he proposed and we're engaged but... Does he love me or does he love not being alone?"

Heero was unmoved by the words,  _ **now my dog thinks I'm crazy. Well I am talking to him like he can solve all my problems... Ok stop.**_ I silenced my worries the best I could and went to my bed to lay down, heero following me as I tucked under the covers... The tears were starting.

> * * *
> 
> **_Barbs's POV_**
> 
> _"You need to speak. Now." Liv came rushing toward me in the bar._
> 
> _"About?" I was clearly confused, but honestly I was hoping this would go away._
> 
> _"About what you did. How Willard got to you. Ashtonja Abreu."_
> 
> _"You talked to her?" I looked away and flipped the page of my notes down as I marked a line, to hold my reading spot._
> 
> _"Yeah, and Willard talked to her too. He seems to think that you're paying her for sex."_
> 
> _"I know. He told me." I shut the books and stacked them neatly in my spot._
> 
> _"He told you? Right before you called off getting me those warrants?" Liv pushed._
> 
> _"Yes, come here." I motioned her to a booth since I knew she wouldn't leave till I told her the story, "Of course, Willard got it wrong. I knew Ashtonja's mother, Marianna. She was a heroin addict. And she was a witness in a case against a guy who raped and killed two women. She was the only witness." I left a long pause as I forced myself to explain, Liv watching me closely,  "On the day of the trial, she showed up so strung out she could barely talk.The judge wouldn't give me a recess. Marianna asked for a loan."_
> 
> _"And you gave it to her."_
> 
> _"Yes." I accepted the shame right there._
> 
> _"Knowing that she would buy heroin." Liv finished._
> 
> _"Yes." I felt my stomach turn in self loathing._
> 
> _"And?" Liv asked._
> 
> _"She bought what she bought and she did what she did, and she got on the stand. She buried the guy." I felt the anger rise up remembering that case and what he had done, the case files flashing through my mind before my face softened, "She sent a really bad man to prison for the rest of his life, and she died of an overdose, eight hours later, leaving behind her ten-year-old daughter."_
> 
> _"Who you've been giving money to ever since."_
> 
> _I took a sip of my drink before explaining, "She lives with her grandmother. They're broke. I help out.Willard must have hacked my bank account, tracked down Ashtonja."_
> 
> _"Why didn't you tell me this?" She asked slightly deflated in hearing the full truth and needing to know why he hid it._
> 
> _"I didn't wanna compromise your case.You might've been accused of having a vendetta against Willard."_
> 
> _"I can still be accused of that." She shook her head._
> 
> _"I also wanted to talk to Ashtonja first. If this if this goes public, she's right in the middle." I almost pleaded, thinking of everyone except myself._
> 
> _"How bad is this gonna be for you?"_
> 
> _"Uh, it depends on the district attorney. I told him everything." I swallowed a lump in my throat._
> 
> _"Does (y/n) know?" Liv looked me in the eyes as I shook my head, unwilling to speak._
> 
> _"Did you even explain why you recused yourself?"_
> 
> _"No. I don't want to lose her." I whispered the truth. **i didn't think of her till after I talked to Ashtonja, I didn't think of how she would feel .... I just know she'll regret everything if I told her.** I was trying to deny the facts in my head **, I ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.**_
> 
> _"Rafael," she paused as our eyes met, "hiding it is worse then telling it."_
> 
> _I took the advice, not that I had the guts to go home and do it,_ _"We might've seen our last case together."_
> 
> _"Is there anything that I can do?" She asked sincerely._
> 
> _"What you always do. Go after the son of a bitch." I finished the glass._
> 
> _She nodded and stood, "(y/n) is at home, I gave her the rest of the day off. She isn't feeling the best with everyone watching her because she knows you best."_
> 
> _She left on that note, and I suddenly felt like actually getting drunk for the first time since I was a young adult. But I knew better, I knew I had to face the punishment... At home and at work, and I couldn't decide which one scared me more._
> 
> * * *

It was late, early morning when I heard the door. I was dried of tears but I knew my face was still puffy and red. I didn't want him to see me, I couldn't take him trying to be sweet and apologizing. I rolled away from the bedroom door and hid under the blanket. Heero was laying at my feet and growled until raf opened the bedroom door and walked in. 

"Hey boy, sorry I'm late." He gave him a small scratch and started to strip down for bed, "sorry (y/n), I know I missed your calls."

The room was silent and then I felt a hand on my shoulder, "cariño? You ok?"

"Just go to bed Barba." I mumbled and he stopped.

"(Y/n), I'm sorry. I should've called and said I'd be late."

That did it, I shot up in bed and looked at him, "it's not just that you didn't call."

"I'm sorry I recused myself. I should've let the squad know before I did." He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for me, I pulled back.

"Who's Ashtonja Abreu?" I watched him close his eyes and didn't give him time to answer, "I knew it."

I shoved the blankets off and was walking towards the door to leave. I felt a hand and I immediately shoved it off.  _ **How dare he fucking touch me? What the hell!**_

"(Y/n) wait!" He tried to grab me and I dodge him again, "déjame explicar por favor(let me explain please)."

"Stop with the fucking Spanish!" I growled, "You know what, I don't need it. You hid stuff from me. You dodged my calls when I called worried about you. I stayed up hoping you wouldn't stay out till this late and I fucking thought you loved me!" I spun around to face him and pulled off the ring to throw at him as I grabbed the door.

"Please (y/n)." He pleaded, "just trust m..."

"No... No Barba. I can't be near you right now let alone trust you. You lied to me and hid things." I slammed the door and pulled my phone, hitting the name and typing a quick message as I left the building.

> _**Y:** _ _i know it's late but... Can I buy you a drink? I need a friend right now._
> 
> **_C:_ ** _Sure, bar by the precinct. Be there in ten._

I wiped a tear away and ran most of the way. My only thoughts were of how much of a fool I am. I almost missed the hand on my shoulder as carisi caught me by the door and turned me to see him.

"You ok (y/n)?"

"No, not really. Tell me who this Ashtonja Abreu is." I looked up as he looked pensive.

"This isn't a good idea." 

"Please sonny. Barba won't answer me and tried to stop me when I left and I threw the engagement ring at him because I can't think straight right now and I feel like I'm falling apart and I need answers. Please sonny, I need a friend right now." Tears sprang up and I wiped them away as sonny gave me a tight hug.

"Ok... Ok just breathe. Alcohol won't help this so, let's head back to my place and get you calmed down." He pulled me to face the correct direction and then started back to his place.

Once inside his small place, he let me sit on the small window seat. I was staring out over at the city and humming a small tune in my head. My thoughts blocked out for the moment as all my focus went to the the street below and the silence that filled the room. I could see the snow flakes falling around the building and focused on the small swirls of cold breeze sending the flakes awry. A hand startled me as I jumped slightly.

"(Y/n), it's just me. I made you a hot chocolate... I'm out of tea." Sonny sat down facing you, "what happened exactly?"

"I asked Barba about Ashtonja Abreu." I closed my eyes to fight the tears, "he did say anything and then I went crazy."

"You went crazy?"

"I was trying to leave as he begged me to stay and listen to him.... To trust him. I left and threw my ring at him on the way out the door." I sighed, "I was completely out of it, I just needed air and god I'm stupid."

"Hey cut that out. Just breathe and drink." Sonny motioned and I nodded.

"Hey sonny?" I got him to stop just before her stood, "who is Ashtonja Abreu?"

"(Y/n)..."

"Please? I need my partner right now.... Is my fiance cheating on me?" I was blinking back tears.

"Ashtonja is a fifteen year old girl." He paused as I felt a small gag.

"Fifteen? Oh god..."

"And he isn't cheating on you with her... You need to talk to barba to find out the rest." He stood up and slowly went towards his kitchen.

"Sonny, I can't face him. Not after that little scene and just hearing you say he's not cheating isn't enough to make me sure he isn't or that I won't get angry." I sighed, "I want to castrate him if he cheated and right now I swear he has."

"First off, don't joke about that. Castration isn't good." He pointed, "second, he isn't cheating. He wouldn't cheat on you. Stop over reacting."

"I can't... He won't talk and I'm left in this state of worry and wanting to crawl in a hole and die." I watched him, "why am I like this?"

"Because your young. Trust me, give it a few years and you'll feel better." Sonny's smile was warm as he came back over and sat beside me, "I understand the pain, but you have to know... Barba wouldn't cheat on you. He loves you."

"That's why I'm here and he's at home. Oh and he hasn't called me yet." I spat letting out a little anger.

"No, I texted him. Told him you were with me and I was calming you down. He asked me to send you home when you looked like you had some control."

"Why would you do that?" I wiped a tear away.

"Because I know he cares." He took the coffee mug, "this probably taste disgusting after you cried into it and it's cold."

"Sorry. Can I stay here tonight?" I looked up and he sighed, "sure. I can make up the couch."

"Thanks partner." I stretched out as he grabbed a few things.

It was about a hour later when a knock drew our attention. Sonny paused the movie and handed me the popcorn as he got the door. I rolled my eyes and pulled the throw blanket tighter around me.

"Sonny, do you need a moment?" I called figuring a surprise visitor at the door would require such.

"Hey cariño." Raf stepped into the living room and I quickly looked away, "can we talk?"

"Now you want to talk."

"Yes. Let me explain myself." He sat down on the edge of the couch 

"Go ahead."

"How about we head home first, I'll explain everything and answer all your questions."

"Fine." I stood up, "lets go."

I started out as Barba nodded at Carisi and I thanked him. A taxi was waiting and as usual Raf was ever the gentlemen. He opened the door, let me in first... He would've held my freezing hands to warm them up too if I would've let him. **_I love him, I know I do. I know I over reacted but this just became a big issue seeing as he dropped the case and never explained it._** My thoughts drove me crazy, sitting next to him and not doing anything. I was begging for the ride to be over, for us to go home and I could hug Heero as me and raf hashed this out. Thankfully we got home and as the door shut, I closed my eyes and tuned towards him.

"What the hell happened?" I slowly opened my eyes, "what's the blackmail Willard has on you?"

"Ashtonja Abreu. He thinks I was paying her for sex, but I wasn't." He closed his eyes, "the truth was I did something I shouldn't have with her mother."

"You had sex with her mother? Am I a step mom?" I freaked mildly.

"No, cariño listen... Marianna, She was a heroin addict. And she was a witness in a case against a guy who raped and killed two women. She was the only witness. On the day of the trial, she showed up so strung out she could barely talk.The judge wouldn't give me a recess. Marianna asked for a loan."

 "And you gave it to her." I watched his face drop to show the shame, "She bought heroin." 

"She bought what she bought and she did what she did, and she got on the stand. She buried the guy. She sent a really bad man to prison for the rest of his life, and she died of an overdose, eight hours later, leaving behind her ten-year-old daughter. She lives with her grandmother. They're broke. I help out.Willard must have hacked my bank account, tracked down Ashtonja." He dropped his head and rubbed the back of his head as he nodded softly.

I stood there dumbfounded, the long silence killing him I knew... But I was lost. I had no words to describe what I was thinking or needing to say. He never looked up, just moved to the couch. I had to say something...

"Now what?"

He looked up, "what do you mean?"

"Your job. The blackmail.... U-U-Us?" I sputtered through my fear knowing he couldn't start this conversation on his own.

"I have a meeting with the D.A. later today and he'll tell me how this will work. I recused myself from the case and it's not true... As for us, I don't know." He tipped his head to the side and wiped his face, "what do you want from us?"

"Well I don't want to lose you Rafi." I locked eyes, "the main issue isn't that you did it. I don't mind that. Not all things done in the dark are shameful... The main issue is you didn't tell me what was happening. You were blackmailed and never told me. I heard you were recusing yourself from the squad. The squad looked to me for an explanation and I didn't have a clue."

"I understand."

"No, you don't. They were looking for me to argue for you and I couldn't. Liv sent me home early because she didn't want me to go with her to see Ashtonja and she didn't want me there when her or Carisi got back to ask questions. I knew nothing... Not a damn thing." I felt my body shiver though I didn't feel cold or scared.

"How can I fix it?" He had that shameful look again.

"Tell me the truth. Keep me informed.... Trust me enough to believe I wouldn't hurt you. That I could understand or possibly help." 

"I do."

"Then why did you leave me o-out?" I started to break and he seen it and wrapped his arms tight around me.

"Because I thought hiding it was the best option. Do as Willard wanted and be done.... I didn't think about you finding out or the squad digging deeper." He pulled me tight to his chest and kissed my head, "(y/n), I love you. Forgive me?"

I sniffled and nodded softly before kissing him, "enough to be near you... But I still need to see you mean it."

"Then should I hold onto this?" He held the ring out as I looked at it.

"Yeah, for the moment."

That night we fell asleep and slept like babies, mostly due to the crying all that night. He held me close and never let go. The next day we went to work on catching Willard, lucking out. We found proof he video taped her without permission, then Liv and Amanda talked to the sister and found enough for a warrant.We got video showing him accidentally killing Knowles during an argument. He could easily hack into the NYPD database to set up the scene.... So we arrested the bastard. Liv gave me the honor of arresting him.

* * *

"David Willard, turn and put your hands behind your back." I walked in first with Liv and Carisi flanking me.

"This is outrageous," he scuffed as I grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around.

"David Willard, your are under arrest for the murder of Jennifer Knowles." I smirked softly as I cuffed him.

"This is ridiculous. I didn't murder my girlfriend." He pulled slightly and I tightened the cuffs, "did your fiance get you this warrant?"

"You have the right to remain silent, I suggest you do." I swung him to face the door, "anything you say can and will be used against you."

"Barba will regret this." He spat quietly.

"Doubt it, their isn't a ADA that wouldn't give us a warrant with the evidence we have." I pushed him just out the door, "and he didn't do shit."

As we walked him out of his office, Liv took my arm and Carisi took over. He walked him out and Liv had me walk a ways back.

"Hey (y/n), you did good. Now call Barba and tell him the good news." She smiled, "and please, make up. He's sorry."

I smiled and walked out with her as I pulled my phone out,  ** _About damn time._** It was only a few hours later Liv, the sister, Raf, and me were at arraignment. Willard was being charged and took the chance to look back at us in the gallery. I seen Raf give the second look I knew well, his small nod off victory. Raf never had to give us a warrant, he didn't deserve the blackmail.... And he wasn't losing me from this. In the hallway after everyone walked out of the courtroom, Raf turned towards me.

"(Y/n), do I need to get down on a knee?" He held out the ring.

"No Raf, I think we're good." I smiled as he slid it back on my finger, "I missed it."

We parted ways aftee, I went back to the squad to work on a case and Liv walked raf to the DAs office.

* * *

It was late when I got home, unlocking the door didn't get met with a bark. I slowly pushed in and found a couple dozen candles littering the room. The soft glow showing raf and Heero cuddled on the couch with a small party tray on the coffee table full of little treats.

"Hola corazón,quieres un poco de chocolate?(want some chocolate?)"

"What's all this?" I chuckled as Heero nudged his hand and he gave him a small truffle.

"My thank you. You deserve something for standing with me through all of this." He smiled, "sit. I need to tell you something.

I sat down and frowned, "Rafi, don't worry about..."

"When I was eight, I walked in on my mom being beat by my father. I shoved him off and took a nasty hit in return. Never tried again after that, it's also when I decided I wanted to be a lawyer to help people and one day a judge." He sighed, "my abulieta, she always called me a judge because she knew I would be one day. That's why I push so hard and try so much, I want to do it for her since she never got to see me as one."

"Raf, what is this?"

"So as a teen, Alex, Eddie, and Me use to hang out in this alley by our building. The gangs were bad and I always got targeted, you know being the mouth and all. And one day, BX9 had me cornered after Alex left to go home. I actually feared for my life in that moment and Eddie saved me. I was a little bloody when Eddie got me home to Mami and my father called me a baby." He shook his head, "I had a spiral fracture on my arm from them According to the ER visit, but it was my father."

"Raf..." I was speechless.

"You said you were as mad about Ashtonja as disappointed I never told you. So I wanted to tell you more of my childhood to make up for it." He smiled softly, "I have at least eighteen more I can think of but I'll spare you if you kiss me and shut me up."

I chuckled and kissed him, "Rafi, you didn't have to do this. I just wanted you to tell me when things happen like that."

"I know, But I wanted to do this. I want you to know that I love you and never want to lose you." 

I stood up and turned to look at him, "love you Rafi."

He stood up and walked over to wrap his arms around me, "te amo."

"Te amo Rafi and you didn't have too." I kissed him as he slowly picked me up, my legs wrapping around his waist.

"I did. You deserve the world and I'm not able to give you that, this is a close second." He chuckled and I rested my head to his.

"What did the DA say?"

"Suspension for a few weeks. Give me time to further think on my misconduct." He stole a kiss, "so we have more time to spend together. Or you know, planning a wedding."

I smiled and he dropped me on the couch, kissing my neck as he worked his way down to grab the hem to pulling my shirt off. I gasp at the soft bite at my collar bone, his talented hands tracing down my body carefully. I moved one hand back and tipped my head to see Heero laying by the coffee table.

"Hey baby, go to bed. You don't need to see what happens next." I waved him away and he just tipped his head and perked a ear in confusion.

"You don't want to know what daddy is about to do to mommy." He smirked as his lips brushed my nipple through my shirt after he managed to undo my bra and slid it up.

Heero whined and ran to the bedroom, we both chuckled softly before he finally pushed the shirt from me. The offending clothes were tossed over the couch and his lips attached again for a more direct bliss. I couldn't see straight, my body arched up, and his beautiful hands had just undid my pants and was shimming them down. I was on over load and didn't even realize raf was still fully dressed. I was laying before him in my underwear and eyes closed as the cold air sent a shiver down my spine from hitting my cold wet nipple. 

"So beautiful." He hummed as he pulled back,tan perfecto. No te merezco cariño(so perfect. I don't deserve you Sweetheart.)" 

I whined, he felt so good and the Spanish was intoxicating. I opened my eyes to see him smile and stand up.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked.

"Strip. I want to see that gorgeous Cuban skin."

He chuckled but obliged, pulling his thermal shirt off and tossing it to the side. He slowly moved down to his sweats, his hand trailing down slowly to tease me further. He slipped them down to wear they just sat on his hips, making it evident he didn't wear underwear and was extremely hard. Slowly he moved his hips like when he taught me how to salsa dance and the sweats slowly slid down. I whistled and motioned him to turn around. He obeyed and as the sweats slipped off his glorious ass, I took in his tan skin and groaned. He turned his head over his shoulder and squeezed lightly as I bit my lip.

"Turn around papi."

He slowly rolled his hips as he turned and the sweats finally shook enough to make it over his cock without his hands assistance. I let out a low whistle as he stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. I gave a small chuckle from my half laying position on the couch.

"Perfecto papi, you look like an angel. To bad what comes next isn't angelic." I moved my finger to tell him to come over.

He slowly walked over and I moaned just thinking about what was to come, "knees now. Make mommy pur."

He dropped to his knees and raised a leg over his shoulder. A soft kiss around my bud before he sucked it in and poked a finger in lower. The finger curled up and stroked my bundle of nerves, his to now lick me like a cat drinking milk. Soft, airy flicks of his tongue, then just a slight bit of force as my hips bucked up. His free arm laid across my belly, weighing me down as he continued his assault with that clever tongue. I tipped my head back and ran my fingers through his hair, my eye finally opening so i could look at the intoxicating sight. Rafael on his knees, face between my legs so I could only see is eyes staring at me. I could feel his nose brushes the bud, his tongue darting in my hole as two fingers pulled out small amounts of the glorious wetness for his tongue to lap up. That sight did it, I came on the spot and He adjusted to hold both my legs as I spasmed. My mouth wide open as a silent scream escaped, he pulled back and waited for his next order.

"Papi, more." I whimpered.

"More?" He raised a brow, "more what?"

"You."

He stood up and took my legs, he turned me sideways to lay across the whole couch and settled between my legs. He pushed one leg up over the back of the couch and the other on his shoulder, slidding in slowly as I lose all air in my body. 

"Háblame(Talk to me.)" He whispered in my ear.

"Fuck... god Rafi. More." I whimpered and he slowly started moving.

He kept slow calculated thrusts, occasionally hitting a little deeper and making me squeal. I laced my fingers through his messy hair and pull him into a kiss. I know he want me to take charge and tell him what to do but I could lay like this forever. His hips slapping mine as I groan and hold onto him and the couch. This could be the rest of my life and I would be forever happy. I felt his body tightened and he gritted his teeth, I didn't ask just gave him the command.

"Cum for me papi."

He froze completely inside me and flooded me. He slowly pulled out and leaned back as I sat up and kissed him.

"That was one hell of a apology... So it'll be better when I apologize in a few minutes." I kissed his cheek as he groaned.

"I'm getting to old for this."

"You are engaged to a woman half your age, you can't be getting to old for this yet." I chuckled as he brushed my hair back.

"I love you (y/n). I'm too lucky to have you." He took a few deep breaths to bring his pulse down.

"True, so why don't you come with me to our big cozy bed and tell me more about your past that I don't know.... Then I'll apologize for being a bit unreasonable...."

"A bit?"

"If you make me say it was more the apology won't be as good." I warned.

He slowly picked me up and carried me to the bed, dropping me down and tossing the covers over me. I pushed them off and he fell beside me on the bed, allowing me to roll over and lay on his chest. He closed his eyes as I adjusted to lay on him. My legs tracing the outside of his, my chest pressed to his as I kissed his collar bone. His lips turned up but eyes never opened, his hands sliding down my back to rest on the small of my back and my butt. He gave a soft squeeze and slowly cracked his eyes open.

"I really do love you Rafael," I smiled as he opened them all the way, "so tell me more about your hidden past."

"Or you can apologize now."

"You would like that wouldn't you?" I kissed his pulse.

"God yes." He groaned and rubbed my hips against his.

I sat up and slipped my hips forward to line him up. One quick shove back and I swore I saw stars. He rocked me forward so he could lift his legs, I leaned back and started bouncing as he gasped. his hands now holding my hips to steady me as I kept up the pace. My hair flying around my face, chest bouncing up and barely back down before the fly right back up... My eyes closed as I felt the sweat start on my forehead. I knew he must've had a great view. Every inch of me rolling and bouncing as my eyes opened and barely focused on his smile as he locked eyes with me.  _ **How did I find this man? Why do I deserve him...or do I deserve him? Do I?**_ I felt that small burn in my belly, the building was almost done. I wouldn't last much longer and I could tell he wouldn't either.

"Can I come papi?" I asked/almost begged.

That was enough, he came and I couldn't hear if he said yes or no in that moment. Not that I really could've held it, stars filled my vision and a ringing in my ears left me stunned. I sat on him trying to find air to breath as he pulled me slowly back against his chest.

"I think we're even." He whispered.

"Definitely councilor."

He chuckled softly, "we should get some sleep."

"Objection." I panted.

Raising a brow in amusement he answered, "on what grounds?"

"I haven't got my goodnight kiss yet." I hummed as he kissed my head before tipping my head up to kiss my lips.

"Overruled... Evidence shows you did." He laid my head against his chest as I started to slip under, "goodnight corazón."


	5. Contrapass-oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A case causes a lot of turmoil within everyone in the squad.

Some cases make your skin crawl, some make you sick, some haunt your dreams..... And others, well others are those three things and much more. This case seemed to be that, everyone knowing with just one word. Castration. The flinch from every guy that hears that word, the way every girl looked away at the word... I had to admit it, after one photo I felt sick.

Fin and Carisi caught it while I went to lunch with Raf. Fin covered me as I was walking out the door and I came back just in time to hear the case. A man was found in a hotel castrated. He was in the hospital and stable as it became our job to find out how this happened. Me and Amanda walking in to question the victim.

"I ducked into a hotel bar to kill some time, and there was an attractive woman at the bar, and I I start talking to her."

"And what was her name?" Amanda asked.

"Angela." He looked over to her, "Said she was in the city on business."

"Okay, can you describe her?" I asked.

He sighs, "Dark hair. Uh, late 20s. Maybe 5'6"."

"Is that-is that Angela?" Amanda asked.

"Not even close."

"So, Mr. Karr, tell us exactly what happened." I directed the interview back on his memory.

He stammers through the beginning, "We had some cocktails, and-and then she invited me up to her room, and she made me a drink from the minibar. And we started getting friendly." He shook his head softly, "Like you do, you know? And that's that's the last thing I remember. I just I came to on the bed, and and I was sitting in a.." He cracked up into a soft cry, "In a bloody, sticky mess." His breathing was shaking, "Jesus, I haven't even called my wife yet.I mean, what am I gonna say?"

"I can certainly call her for you and tell her that you're here, and that you were a victim of of an assault." I offered.

Exhaling slowly, he looks over, "Yeah.I mean, and then what?"

"We're going to find the person who did this to you." Amanda gave her best sweet smile, "You're gonna get through this, Mr. Karr."

* * *

We met back up with everyone at the bull pin. Liv started to run down the facts.

"Jason Karr, age 46. He works as a copy editor for a company that publishes trade magazines. He's married, no kids. Lives on Grand Street." Amanda shrugged.

"Fin, you get anything from the hotel bartender?" Liv turned to the male detective.

"Not much. He remembers Karr with a woman during happy hour. They paid cash." Fin turned to Amanda as she started to speak again.

"And I get the whole seduction-robbery thing. That's been going on for ages. But why castrate the guy?" The blonde asked.

"Somebody with anger issues." Fin shrugged.

"This kind of act is almost always motivated by revenge. And there's a sexual component." I leaned back in my chair.

"Yeah, but Karr says he doesn't know the perp." Fin adds, "Could be some psycho that hates men."

"Or the cutter's taking care of somebody else's business." Amanda looked back to her partner.

"Yeah, a jilted lover." Fin agreed, "Pissed spouse."

Everyone turned to Carisi as he took all the attention for the moment.

"Stanley Kowalski, huh? Wait, hang on a second. I think I got something on the hotel security video. This is two minutes before the 911 call." He waved fin over, "Fin you recognize anybody here?"

"That's Julie Wade." Fin nodded.

"That's the woman with the stolen credit card." Liv shook her head

"That's right." Carisi said as I finished my partners thought "So much for being in Yonkers with her boyfriend that night."

Liv immediately sent us to do some more questions. Amanda and carisi talked to Julie, fin and Carisi then went to the Steak House the knife came from. This got us a connection between almost all the women we suspected. This left me and fin to talk to Nora as Amanda chatted with Evelyn. Carisi and Liv watched the interview before we had enough. We let them go and Liv sent us home, I waited till almost everyone else left and Liv had to almost force me out the door. I was afraid to go home and not be able to shake this case from my head.

* * *

I was at home, Heero sitting at my feet as I sat on the counter and sipped the milkshake I bought on the way home. I couldn't stop thinking about that gory photo, about the ice bucket in evidence and the small dry heaves I got just walking down to the victims room. This was the first case I had that stuck with me from a purely grotesque point of view, it was much worse somehow that he survived and wasn't really hurt beside his manhood being ripped from his body. I don't know why this stuck out worse than anything before.

I missed the door opening and Heero leaving from his spot at my feet. My cup freezing cold and lips parted, I was still mentally working this case even after clocking out.

"Corazón, estas ahi?(are you in there?)" Rafi chuckled before kissing my cheek, "are you in there?"

"Uh, yeah... Yeah sorry." I shook my head till it refocused.

"You sure? Tu actuación es extraña." He stood between my legs.

"What?" I frowned.

"Your acting strange." He frowned back.

"Damn that fucking Rosetta Stone," I grumbled before sighing, "this case is just driving me crazy."

"First, just ask me and I'll teach you Spanish. I promise to be nice about it. Second, I understand.... Doesn't mean I want it brought home. Let work fall off those gorgeous shoulders and stay outside our home. Acuerdo?(Deal?)" He pursed his lips slightly for me to kiss, I did to seal the deal.

"Ok... Work stays out of the home." I smiled, "but I haven't given up on Spanish yet."

He rolled his eyes but took the hit to his ego, stealing my lips and pinning me firmly to the counter. I leaned against the cupboards, hands firm on the counter under his until he decided to undress me. His hands undoing my blouse, his lips tracing my bra strap along with that clever tongue. His arms helping to tug me closer so I could feel his bulge. He smirked against my skin as I moaned softly.

"Do I need to put you to bed?" He asked in a gruff tone.

"Oh please papi." I whimpered and he lifted me up, carrying me to the bed.

 He laid me back and cupped my bra, softly pulling the straps down and kissing the deep valley between my breast. I felt my senses go on overdrive. His slightly rough tongue wetting my skin before his smooth lips followed with a feather touch to the sensitive skin. His masculine arms wrapped tight around me so his thick yet soft fingers could undo my bra.  _ **Never met a man that used as much lotion as this guy, but of course he cares about how he looks and his skin is no different. **_He only pulled back to remove the bra and throw it across the room. I groaned and pushed my head back so it laid on the edge of the bed, my eyes focused on the door where the dog sat watching with my bra in his mouth. I let out a soft chuckled and raf must've looked up.

"Déjalo caer!" He ordered and Heero dropped my bra, "fuera." The pup tipped his head and raf ordered again, "fuera!"

Heero ran out the door as he leaned back down by my neck. I rolled my eyes as he pulled back and looked at me.

"What?"

"Even the dog knows Spanish and I don't." I pouted softly and he smirked, his hand holding my face to look at him.

"I can teach you."

"Raf..." He cut me off by covering my mouth.

"First, I said drop it and then I said out. Second, We can make it a game. You get the pronunciation right and I will do something good. You get it wrong, I get to spank you or something like that.... A punishment." He paused and moved his hand away so I can speak.

"No, I want to surprise you with actually knowing what you're saying for once." I kissed his hand, "I want to know it without your help."

"You can learn some from me, just a little." He smirked and cupped my cheek about to kiss me, "please, papi wants to play." 

I shook my head and he frowned, "fine, offer stands."

He reached down and tugged my jeans. Then as I raised my hips, he tugged them down without in buttoning them. It stung a little but he made up for it by kissing my panty line after. He bent down and my nostrils was filled with his unique scent, sweet and a little musky with the soft sent of coffee he tends to gain by his fourth cup. His short hair felt soft and only slightly damp from the rain outside, my fingers combing through to mess up what he always worked so hard on.  _ **Twenty minutes on that simple hair style, I don't get it.**_ The small tingle running from my thighs to my core as he traced small circles on my thigh and occasionally swiping a finger along my panty line. I wanted more. Needed more.... And he knew it.  _ **Fucking tease.**_ I bucked up and he removed his hands and  tsked me.

"Patients cariño... You'll get that soon enough."

My eyes closed and I whimpered softly, his hand slowly snapping my lace band on my panties.

"Behave. You should've took the deal." He smirked down, "now you have to let me feel like it again."

I rolled my eyes and sat up carefully as he did so as well to give me space. I didn't hesitate, kissing his tip and sucking him in. He thrusted forward, my hand stopping him from going to deep as I worked him over. He was moaning and twitching, the closer he got I started to slow down and he would whine and find more friction. After a minute he pushed me off gently and kissed me as he pushed in quickly before letting me adjust.

"You win... Is this what you wanted?"

"Si papi, port falvor." I begged silently for more while purposely mispronouncing it.

He started to move and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He went deeper and as I felt like I was being sawed in half, I felt that familiar twitch and he was finishing himself off. He pulled out slowly and fell beside me on the bed, his eyes hooded before he rolled to look at me.

"You're going to kill me." 

"You're the one that started it old man." I sighed and rolled over to lay against him.

"And you're the one filled with my semen." He hummed as he reached a hand down to poke in as a reminder of how full I was.

"Because you can't last. Do we need to buy you a pill to make it last for me to get off?" I pouted as he glared and slapped my ass.

"That was your punishment. You mispronounced please. It's por favor not port falvor." He had that damn know it all smirk, "I would've finished you off but, you needed a punishment."

"Jerk." I slapped his shoulder as I cuddled in tight.

I don't remember much more, as his warm embrace and masculine but sweaty scent lulled me to sleep. **** ~~~~

* * *

The next day, we all gathered in the bull pin.

"Nora works real estate in Hastings. Julie keeps house for some bro in Yonkers. And Evelyn tends bar here in the city." Sonny shrugged as he looked at the map.

"Hold on." Liv read off something from file,  "But her driver's license address is in Katonah, which means that all three of them have ties to Westchester County."

"Born in 1979, '78." Fin read off the file by him.

"What high school did they go to?" Amanda asked as she leaned over my shoulder.

"Nora Galen's Linkedln page says that she went to Packard Prep in Rye Brook." I quickly we t to work finding the school's yearbook.

"Okay, is there a yearbook online? Maybe 1995?" Liv asked.

"Got it." I looked through it and found the three girls, "Julie was a junior, and Nora and Evelyn were sophomores."

"They all name-check something called the Updike Club in their bios." Amanda frowned and motioned me to click it.

"Okay, is there a photo of that club?" Liv slowly started to walk over.

"The Updike Literary Club." I leaned back so both women can lean in and look.

"Look who their faculty advisor was." Amanda shook her head.

"Jason Karr." Liv looked to the rest of and gave her orders.

Liv was tired of the constant circling in this case, so she sent went with Amanda to talk to Karr and asked me to get Barba down here in a few hours. So I called him from my cell as I was getting a snack.

"Hola sexy." I purred as he chuckled.

"Well hello to you too. What's up?" 

"We have an idea on the Karr case, can you stop by in an hour or two so we can go over this?" I opened the chips and took a bite.

"I should be able too. But why I have you on the phone, how about dinner tonight?" I heard the clicking of his pen tapping the desk.

"Sure, I would love to eat food and not starve. Am I bringing something home or..."

"Corazón, No quise decir sacar" He chuckled softly, "I didn't mean take out, I have a reservation at this restaurant I use to eat at all the time. Can you get dressed up by seven?"

"Sure. But now I have to ask, why do I need to get all fancy to eat out with you?" I took the last chip from the bag and tossed it into the trash as Sonny walked in.

"I'll explain later, I'm sorry but I have to run. Might have a plea deal agreement on this Jones case." He paused from shuffling papers, "te amo (I love you)."

"Yeah, love you too raf." I hung up and pocketed the phone as Sonny smiled.

"What was that about?" He looked over.

"Raf set up reservations at some restaurant for tonight. I have to dress nicely." I gave a face and he chuckled before handing me a cup of water.

"What is it about?"

"No clue. He said we can chat later and agreed to swing by when Liv and Amanda got back."

"It's probably nothing. Don't worry (y/n)." He gave that famous Carisi smile and walked with me back out to the bull pin. 

A few hours later, Liv and Amanda got back and Rafael joined us in her office. He sat in a chair with Amanda in the one beside him. Liv in the chair at her desk, Sonny to her right and fin to the left leaning on the interrogation window beside me. 

"The three women got together 20 years after high school, and within a few hours, one of their teachers was found castrated in a hotel room." Liv took off her glasses as she sat down the file on her desk.

"What's the presumed motive?" Rafael asked.

"It wasn't for giving 'em all C's." Fin joked as I smirked and Liv gave us a small glare.

"Given the nature of the injury, there's a sexual motivation behind it." Liv answered.

"Explains why Karr won't talk." Amanda added.

"Yeah, I can't prosecute the assault unless the victim makes an ID." Raf shrugged.

"Okay, well, how about we charge the three women with obstruction?" Sonny interrupts.

"For asserting their Fifth Amendment rights?" Raf had that sarcastic look on his face but before she had a chance to say what was in his head sonny pushed.

"After they lied to us and obfuscated our investigation." 

"Obfuscate. Yummy." Raf smiled and I rolled my eyes. 

"Hold on, Rafa." Liv started and he gave her a small look mixed somewhere between 'did you call me Rafa' and 'please continue'. "An obstruction charge would certainly leverage some cooperation."

"If you can't prove the crime, prove the cover-up." I nod and he looked at me before sighing and finishing up.

"You'd have reasonable cause for an arrest, but my advice is, get Jason Karr on board, or this train is going nowhere." Raf stood and walked out with his briefcase.

"Which we know is not gonna happen." Amanda speaks the thought everyone was now thinking.

"Okay, so we are going to follow Carisi's suggestion." Liv motions to us "Arrest them for obstruction, and put them all in the same holding cell."

So we carried out the plan, all three women were in the same holding cell and on no time they wanted to tell their story. Amanda sat down with Nora, Sonny with Evelyn, and I got Julie. We each listened to how Jason Karr had seduced them as teens. They explained how it felt good and bad, how he blew them off afterwards and how it completely damaged their lives. They went on to how they met at a reunion and came up with this scheme to get apologies. After leaving them in their rooms, we all chatted in the pin till Liv came in and we all jumped to talk... We needed to get Jason convicted too.

Sonny exhaled slowly, "Hey, Lieutenant. Evelyn says the other women had no idea it was coming."

"They did not participate." I added, "They tried to cover it up."

"But they came clean, so the obstruction charge is moot." Amanda sat down at her desk as I sat on it.

"Okay, so charge Evelyn with Assault One. Call Barba, and get her downtown to arraignment." Liv started towards her office and Sonny stopped her 

"You know what, though? With what he did to these women in high school, if the statute of limitations hadn't already expired, we'd be charging Jason Karr too right now." He let the small burst of anger out, like the rest of us, the girls gave us a small bit of understanding to this asshole of a victim we have.

"You're right. Get Evelyn back here tomorrow with her lawyer. Maybe we can get a quick plea deal and put this whole thing to bed." Liv nodded and went into her office.

I looked at my phone and groaned, "shit, I'm gonna be late."

I hopped off the desk and grabbed my jacket from my desk as Sonny looked up and smirked, "Your dinner with Barba?"

"Dinner? Something interesting happening tonight?" Amanda smiled, "come on you can tell us."

"I would if I knew. He just said I needed to be dressed nice and I have less than an hour to get home and ready." I walked out the door, "later."

"Have fun at your fancy dinner." Fin calls as everyone chuckled.

* * *

 I rushed in to the apartment and tossed my coat over the chair. I pulled my hair out of the bun i had it in and jumped over the chair in the living room trying to get to the bathroom. I left a trail of clothes as I tossed them off and hopped in the shower that I had just turned on. I rushed through the process of shampooing and conditioning, scrubbing down, trying to make the time fly. I wrapped up in a towel and slipped into the bedroom where Heero was laying on the bed. I had ten minutes before raf should be home and we leave for dinner. I pulled out a red dress and held it to my body before looking at Heero and he was just staring. 

"No good?"

I rolled my eyes as Heero looked away.

"Better?" I held up a blue dress and Heero barely glanced.

"You are just like your father you know that? So fucking picky when it comes to fashion."

This continued for a few minutes and after seven dresses, I picked up a burgundy red silk dress with matching lace overlay. A sweetheart neckline, long lace sleeves, fitted waist, and a full skirt that stopped at my knees. A small spin as I held it in my towel got a rise from Heero as he looked over and almost looked like he smiled.

"Ok, I think this is the one." I kissed his head and slipped the dress on and then slid on a pair of lacy boyshorts. 

I fussed with the zipper under my arm, struggling to get it up so my open back lace of the dress would be fitted. I slipped on a pair of black kitty heels and had to tie them with a small bow on each ankle. I had a minute to do my hair, knowing I didn't have time I took the towel off and shakes it out so the small curles fell out around my shoulders. I sighed and tried to comb a little back at a time, managing to do a small messy bun on the back left side of my head. It was simple and hide the ratty mess, a small bang piece pushed back behind the ear to finish the look. I was about to move my badge and gun to my hand bag when a low whistle came from behind me.

"Solo mírate, casi demasiado bueno para dejarlo salir en público." Raf stood with a smile, "beautiful."

"English Rafi." I replied and picked up the bag to slip them into, a black bag with a silver coated brass knuckle handle.

"Just look at you, almost too good to let go out in public." He hummed, "all this for me?"

"You said dress nice and be ready on time." I shrugged.

"I didn't say leave a trail of clothes to our room though," he lifted up the bra you had been wearing, "Just for future notice."

"Sorry papi." I faked a sad look, "forgive me?"

"Sarcasm not wanted. But yes... Let's go antes de arrancarte el vestido.(before I rip the dress off you.)" He spun me around and tapped my ass lightly as we left.

"I will spare the question and assume you said I looked nice." I chuckled as we left for the restaurant.

We made it to the cab, his gentlemen ways showing through as he opened the door and helped me in before kissing my cheek. He held my hand the whole drive, even after I pried into this dinner.

"So dinner? Is it for a special reason?"

"I got a call from an old friend and why would I miss the chance to show off my beautiful fiancé." He smiled and twitched a small tug, that was ever so slightly tell.

"Is there more?"

"He's an old rival, hated the guy in college. I was hoping you could make him jealous." He smiled shyly and pulled you under his arm, "mi hermoso prometido, dale un ataque al corazón con lo joven y perfecta que es(my beautiful fiancé, give him a heart attack with how young and perfect she is)" 

"I don't want to know what you said do I?" I rolled my eyes, "why do I feel like I should just go home now?"

"You'll love the food and all you have to do is sit and look pretty." He smiled as I sighed.

"Ok." I smile and let him have this. 

We pulled up to a fancy restaurant and I watch him step out in his perfect fitting tux. He held out his hand to help me out, straightening his bow tie before offering his arm for us to walk in. We walked in, slowly being lead back to a small table in the back. A man Raf's age stood with a woman a little younger, or a quite a bit younger but still not more than me. Rafael stopped at the table, shaking hands with the man before turning to me and the other lady.

"Good to see you again Jamie. And this must be your girlfriend." Raf smiled and shook her hand softly.

"Yes, this is Alice. Going on five weeks." He looked at me, "and who is this gorgeous woman. She does know your real age right?"

Raf brushed off the joke and looked to me with a brilliant smile, "this is my fiancé, (y/n)."

"(Y/n), beautiful name for a beautiful girl." The man took my hand and kissed the back of it like he was some kinda prince charming, "my name is Jameson by the way. And you are so beautiful you could do so much better then this old man."

"This old man is more than good to me, I'm glad to be taking his last name." I winked at Raf as we all sat down, "so tell me Jameson, what do you do for a living?"

"Jamie please," he watched me closely as raf pushed the chair in, "I'm a defense lawyer. I took the other fork in the road from this old bull here."

"I seem to remember being younger than you Jamie boy." Raf had that slightly annoyed look.

"Only by a few months." Something rubbed me the wrong way about this Jameson but I let it go.

The whole night they reminisced their law school days and told stories about the other and it became clear why Raf wanted me there. Him and Jamie we're rivals and clearly the hadn't given it up yet. Why Raf has me the beautiful fiancé and the better win rate in court, Jamie makes more money and has a parade of beautiful women through his unbelievably expansive penthouse that he invited me over to a few hundred times during the dinner. His girlfriend didn't look pleased but when we left, I wrapped my arm around his. We went home, and once in the door I gave him that knowing smile. He stopped as he was taking off the tux.

"What?"

"I get why you were nervous to ask me to dinner, I was a pawn in your pathetic rivalry." I took off my jacket.

"Dios mio (dear god), I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't. It was cute." I smiled as I undid my hair and untied my heels by the bedroom door, "my big bad Rafael from the mean streets of the Bronx."

"(Y/n)..."

I cut him off, "I get it. Same age, same scholarship. Only difference was he came from some hick town surrounded with corn fields in one of those fly over states in the mid-west. He grew up in a poor country town and you grew up in the bad Bronx of New York. You just want to prove you had it harder to get the scholarship." 

"That is ridiculous." He snorted and tossed his clothes to the side for him to drop off at the dry cleaners later.

"It's true though. My Rafi from the block." The glare I received was almost to good to be true, "you are! Your just Rafi from the block, started with a little and now you got a lot."

"Not funny." He went to the bathroom.

"But it is!" I slipped the dress off and stood in my undies as I pulled a tank top on to cover up, "come on Rafi, I'm your almost wife... I have to bust your balls sometimes."

He came out with a glare and tucked into bed, "just go to bed. I want you well rested so you don't fall asleep in court."

I rolled my eyes and cuddled up to him as Heero laid at our feet. The next day came too soon as court started. Raf was on his game and me, I was all for the jokes. When the first day came to an end and we had all taken the stand and Evelyn had made a lasting impression by crushing a shell with her hand and needing medical attention, we sat in the bull pen talking as I waited on raf to come in to walk me home since I asked him so I could apologize. 

"So how was dinner (y/n)?" Amanda asked.

"Good. I mean the other guy was hitting on me like crazy in front of his girlfriend but, it was amusing." I smiled, "Barba has a college rival."

"Must've been funny." Sonny smiled, "Harvard rivalry."

"Actually it was. The dude was from the Mid-west and had a full ride scholarship like Barba, instant rivalry and the guy went into private practice and makes a lot of money."

"And you still want to marry Barba" fin asked and everyone chuckled.

"Yes fin. Especially after all the college stories about my "Rafi from the block." I smiled at the laughs I got from that.

 "That is a good one." Amanda shook her head as I kinda let it slip out.

" _Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got_  
_I'm still, I'm still Rafi from the block_  
_Used to have a little, now I have a lot_  
_No matter where I go, I know where I came from..."_

 _"from the Bronx!"_ Sonny added and everyone started humming and singing it a little as Liv stepped out.

 _"Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got_  
_I'm still, I'm still Rafi from the block_  
_Used to have a little, now I have a lot_  
_No matter where I go, I know where I came from (from the Bronx!)"_

"Ok I missed something?" She stopped, "(y/n), does your fiancé know you're rewriting songs in his honor."

"Kinda, he wasn't to happy with it last night after dinner." I shrugged, "I'm hoping he would learn to take it as a joke after the small sting last night."

"I wouldn't push it, he wasn't to happy during court." She warned.

After a few minutes it happened, Sonny was humming lightly and Amanda smiled with me. It really does get stuck in your head, and now all of us were trying not to hum or sing it. To bad we had little restrain and Rafael was walking in.

"Seriously." 

I went wide eye and turned towards my angry fiancé, "ok before this happens...."

"See you at home." Rafael walked out as I tried to tell him to stop. 

I sat back down, head tipped back as I spun slightly. The room was quiet as I slowly got up and mumbled, ' _Rafi from block.'_ I got up and waved goodbye as they all looked down, they felt bad for the mild fight. I knew they did. But it's not their fault and I definitely will hear it tonight. I walked home slowly and cuddled with Heero, I wanted to wait up for Raf.

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

>   I sat in the bar, sipping my scotch as I looked at it thinking. I wasn't ready to go home and tell my fiancé I overreacted. It was a stupid tease and I can't believe it got to me so much. But then again, this case wasn't any better. Everytime I walked in the courtroom and heard that word, I hid a flinch. It was driving me crazy... I knew the jury wasn't looking past it either. I was lost in thought I never heard her approach.
> 
> " You mind?" Liv moved to sit beside me.
> 
> "Am I that predictable?" I tried to fix the scotch going down the wrong pipe.
> 
> "You are but this is a tough case." She reassured.
> 
> "Listen," I turned to face her slowly as I rubbed the back of my neck, "I'm considering offering a deal." I swallowed a lump in my throat knowing how she'll react, "Karr does the same four years Evelyn Bundy agreed to...." 
> 
> "You proved forcible rape." She Interrupted.
> 
> "If she cut off his finger, if she poked him in the eye..." I tried but Liv was Liv.
> 
> "It shouldn't make a difference." She pushed.
> 
> "We don't live in a vacuum. I can assure you, the seven guys on that jury, they feel Karr's pain." I bit my lip and she wasn't giving up.
> 
> "And if Karr wasn't castrated, if he had cancer."
> 
> "It's not the same thing." I looked at her but she wasn't done.
> 
> "It should be. Why do we do this, Rafael? Because the next girl who gets raped needs to know that that person is us. No matter what."
> 
> I gave in and nodded, "fine, I will just work late tonight on an argument to win them over."
> 
> "And (y/n)?" She rested her hand on my shoulder as I finished the glass.
> 
> "We are gonna either fight or not say a word to each other as I sleep on the couch." I closed my eyes before turning to her, "I over reacted to that stupid joke."
> 
> "Yeah." She smiled, "it was cute. Sorry."
> 
> "No, it would've been different if it wasn't for  _Him._ " 
> 
> "Him? Your old rival." She smiled at my eye roll, "I take that as a yes."
> 
> "He kept flirting with her all night. It was disgusting and then he used every story he has that made me look stupid..."
> 
> "And (y/n) didn't care. She still picks you." She shrugged off her jacket, "trust me, she isn't going anywhere. She's sweet on you for some reason."
> 
> I chuckled, "I made a fool of myself didn't I?"
> 
> She nodded and ordered a glass of wine, "you have until I finish this glass to leave or I'll drag you out myself. (Y/n) already went home and you two have to grow up."
> 
> I smiled and nodded as my second glass landed In front of me, "you're a good friend Liv."
> 
> * * *

 I had just settled in, a true crime show playing as I cuddled my pup. I thought about a drink, but I didn't want to be buzzed when raf got home. I thought about ordering food but I wasn't really hungry. I gave in and cuddled in tight, slowly letting my head lay down on the couch arm rest. It was only a few minutes later when the door opened and raf walked in.  _ **Guess a drink would've been ok, he obviously had one.**_ He stopped just inside the door and looked at the tv.

"(Y/n), can we talk?"

"Sure." I whispered and turned off the tv, "Heero, go to bed. Mommy and Daddy need to talk." 

Heero snorted and slowly walked back to the bedroom and laid down. I looked up and moved my feet so he could sit down.

"Cariño, I love you. I don't know if it was seeing Jamie again or this case but, I shouldn't be so offended by the joke. It actually was kinda funny." He gave a small smile, "forgive me?"

"Of course." I leaned over to rest my head on him for a moment, "are we good? Forgive me too?"

"Yes corazón." He kissed my head, "can we not fight like this again?"

"Yeah." I chuckled, "so why you look so blue?"

"Still thinking about the case... And I know I tell you not to bring it home but I have to write a convincing argument for tomorrow so the jury doesn't feel to sorry for Karr and let him go." He sighed, "I was thinking about giving him a deal."

"Don't you dare. He raped Evelyn."

"And every guy on the jury feels his pain." He retorted, "I told Liv."

"And what did Liv say?"

"Not to... One crime shouldn't justify another."

"He raped her, you know and I know it... All the squad knows it. He shouldn't be let off the hook because she took it upon herself to make him less a man." I almost glared and he nodded.

"I know but you have to convince the whole jury he deserves this... Most of them want to let him off because she did...  _That."_

"You can't." I snapped, "you let him off easy and it sends the wrong message."

"That's what Liv said."

"See. Listen to us women... We smart." I smiled as he chuckled and looked at his office door.

"It'll be a late night, I wouldn't wait up." He kissed my head, "buenas noches amor.(good night love.)"

I watched him walk to the office before I went to bed. I cuddled Heero again till I finally went to sleep.

* * *

The next day, after Karr took the stand and his wife gave us our best evidence, closing arguments started. I sat with Liv and the girls. Amanda, Fin, and Sonny sat behind us. We watched carefully as the defense started. 

"The question then becomes, what is justice? Or more precisely, exactly how much retribution does a criminal owe? How much vengeance does a victim deserve?" Mrs. Rivers walked In front of the jury, her hands trying to convey her words as she spoke, "Sure, we can pour over volumes and volumes of legal doctrine, but when push comes to shove, the answer is way more visceral than it is scholarly."

"It's human nature. It's hard-wired into us, like eating and sleeping." She made fists to show the example from one side to her other side, "You're wronged. You need to wrong someone back."

"To be sure, Evelyn Bundy already took Jason Karr's metaphorical eye." She glared towards Evelyn before looking at the jury with a face of disgust, "Now what Mr. Barba wants is for you to throw in an ear as well."

"But is that just? Our innate sense of fair play tells us that to cause Jason to suffer any more than he already has would be tantamount to giving Evelyn more justice than she actually deserves."

"My friends, please. That simply wouldn't be fair. Thank you" she paused before moving back to her seat.

As the defense sat down, I looked to my sweet fiancé. He sat there almost confused and then it was as if he snapped. He furiously underlined something before crumpling the paper and standing up. My eyes went wide along with Liv as he turned towards us.

"Hasn't he suffered enough?" He almost glared before softening only slightly, "My vote is yes, he has."

_**Oh no, where are you going with this Rafi? Are you seriously going to rant in court?** _

"I mean, Jason assaulted Evelyn. Evelyn assaulted him back. That sounds fair to me. Sounds like justice at work." He walked to the jury slowly as he spoke, putting his hands on the rail as he kept going, "To be just, it has to be fair. I mean, that's what Ms. Rivers asserts." He motioned to her before looking back at the jury, "You know, I can't really disagree with that."

"In purely pound of flesh terms, Mr. Karr certainly gave up a hell of a lot more than he got. Fair? Not a chance." He paused for I would say for dramatic effect seeming as the next words came out straight and left everyone slightly confused or horrified, "To be totally fair, you should give Jason one of Evelyn's breasts. An arm, maybe. That's only fair. And as we have now decided, that means it's just."

_**What the hell? Where is this going? This isn't your usual argument Rafael!** _

"Jason Karr forcibly raped Evelyn Bundy when she was little more than a child. But to tack a prison sentence..." He turned and started to walk towards the defense's side, his words carrying through as he looked at Karr for a second before looking back to the jury, speaking the whole time, "...on Mr. Karr's already gargantuan suffering would tip the balance of justice in Ms. Bundy's favor, and hey, there's no way that's fair, so there's no way that's just."

"A man whose store burns down rushes out, buys some gasoline, a book of matches, and sets the house of the arsonist on fire. Hey! It's fair, so that means it's just!" He walked back as he used his hands to show his point, the dramatic touch and face was making an impact.

He rested his hand back on the railing In front of the jury, he leans in slightly looking around to all of them as he continued, "A man whose children have been murdered buys a gun and splatters the brains of the killer's children all over their bedroom walls. It's fair. It's just."

"Why bother with cops or courts?" He motioned behind him vaguely before smacking his hand lightly as he repeated what sounded to me his new motor, "If it's fair, it has to be just!"

"Let the blood flow in the streets, I say!" He shouted and stretched his arms out  before turning around mid sentence to walk towards his table, only turning back to deliver the ending, "Oh wait, you don't like it? I say get a bigger pair of boots."

He sat down with the look almost like a pouting child, like he felt defeated and he laid everything out to try to win. He straightened his jacket as he usually did as his little nervous tick, hardly noticing the tense air sitting in the room now.  _ **That was.... Different.**_ I took a small swallow of air as everyone thought it through. 

The court was put in recess while the jury was deliberating. We escorted the girls out but I stopped for a second before walking on to meet raf in the hallway, __ _**This will be interesting**. _ It only took a minute before raf stepped out with his briefcase. I caught his arm and gave a small tug so he looked over and turned to face me.

"That was almost a childish rant... Raf, are you ok?" I watched his small smile.

"Yeah, much better. Though I'm pretty sure I had a small mental breakdown in there." He chuckled, "I think the jury got it."

"I'm pretty sure they did, as did the peanut gallery behind you and the court officers ready to jump you because that was very bizarre." I kissed his cheek, "I need to hear it again."

"I'm ok now." He stole a kiss, "now go do something constructive why I patiently wait through my heart attack for the jury to return."

"Love you." I smiled and stepped back just enough for our hands to stretch almost to the point of breaking apart.

"Te amo más(Love you more)" he slowly let our hands fall apart I started the other way before turning around and calling back, "I knew that one."

I seen him chuckle and turn away towards the opposite hallway,  _ **Just don't go crazy on me.**_ I walked over to Liv and we started talking till we got the text saying jury was back, only an hour later. We all sat down and watched as Raf stood with the defense as the judge gave the go ahead to read their verdict. Every one watched and held their breaths, the tension was palpable. The foreman stood and read off the guilty verdict as everyone let out their held breath. Raf turned and looked back at us, the woman thanking him perfusly before Liv walked them out with the rest of the squad. I waited by the small gate for him, he packed up his papers and came over with a smile. We walked out to the rest of the squad standing out on the courthouse steps, welcomed by good jobs and praise for his win.

"Drinks on me," Fin tipped his head to motion over to his favorite bar, "who's in?"

Everyone nodded including raf until I leaned over to whisper in his ear, "can I take you up on that offer to learn Spanish?"

I could see his spine straighten and I chuckled at his eagerness. I almost seen a tent in his pants as I pulled back and looked at fin.

"Sorry maybe next time, I have to get to this wedding planner appointment he scheduled." I took a few steps back, "coming Raf?"

"Si corazón, next time." He took my arm and almost pulled me to the cab.

* * *

We get home, his body pushing mine against the door. He gave a soft kiss before undoing the first button on my blouse.

"Deal as it stands? Loser strips an item of clothing then punishments." He smiled and popped a second button, "object now or forever hold your peace."

 "Your lead papi." I smirked as he tugged me to move towards the bedroom.

"Caliente" he smiled at my eye roll.

"Seriously? Caliente"

"Good," he undid his tie and tossed it behind him, "jugoso"

I raised a brow, "jugoso"

He nods and tossed his jacket as we made it to the bedroom door, "tómame papi."

I stopped at the bed and turned around, "what did you just say? You have to teach me remember."

"Say it and I'll translate. The last one was juicy." He stopped at my toes, "por favor."

"tó-omime papi.." I frowned, hearing how I messed up.

"Uh-uh-uh..." He undid the buttons on my blouse and pulled it off, "again."

"tómame papi."

"Take me daddy." He kicked his shoes off, "Amo tu culo."

"Ok, how is learning only sexual phrases helping?" I pushed him back, "Ammo tou culo."

"Stop trying to sound it out, you lost it." He undid my belt and pushed my pants down, "never said it would be useful outside of our bedroom."

"Be fair. I might work sex crimes but I don't want to only know sexual words in translation." I sat down and he sighed, "Amo tu culo"

"I love your ass." He smiled, "Por dónde se fue?"

"Por dónde se fue?" I tugged his belt and watched his pants slide down when I popped his button, "so close."

"Which way did he go?" He groaned, "que te hizo?"

I bit my lip, "que de hezo?"

"Nope. Again." He tugged my shoes off and tossed my pants that were pulled down.

"que de hizo?"

"Almost. Again." He tugged off my panties, his fingers lingering by my lips.

"que te hizo?"

"What did he do to you?" He knelt down In front of me after taking off his underwear, "te ves bien en negro." His eyes looking over my black Lacey bra that use to match the underwear he had already discarded.

"tee vis be-on en nigro" I winced and he undid my bra so I was naked in front of him.

"Again."

"te ves bien en negro"  

"Close enough I guess. You look good in black." He kissed my thigh and adjusted to lean Back away from me, "te ves tan bella, cuánto tiempo más debe durar este juego?"

"te ves tan bella, ¿cuánto tiemp...."

He stood up lifted his shirt so i could see his manhood, "nope, come on cariño."

I started to stroke him as his eyes closed, I tried again, "te ves tan bella, cuánto tiempo más debe durar est jungo?"

"Nope." He groaned and looked down as I kissed his head before drawing him in. 

His hips bucked in and I let it before slowly pulling back and focusing the best I could to get it, "te ves tan bella, cuánto tiempo más debe durar este jungo?"

"So close, but no cigar." He looked down and I took him in my hand once more.

"te ves tan bella, cuánto tiempo más debe durar este juego?"

He frowned, "good job, you look so beautiful, how much longer must this game go on?"

He pulled off his shirt and threw it off by the door, I rolled my eyes, "what did I just say?"

"you look so beautiful, how much longer must this game go on?" He smirked as I glared at him.

"Seriously? I'm not going to learn anything from this." I fell back on the bed as he sighs.

"Corazón, if you learn nothing from tonight... I will take you out to a beautiful dinner and set a date for the wedding, any date you want." I watched him speak and sighed.

"now get this next one right so I can do what I've been wanting to since this game started." I looked at him as he dropped to his knees, "policía congelada, ponga sus manos detrás de su cabeza."

"Ok, these are some of the weirdest phrases to teach me. policía congelada, ponga sus manos detás te su cabiza."

He groaned, "no." He taps my leg, "roll over."

I rolled over and he slaps my ass, "ok, your just gonna spank me now?"

"Not if you get it right." He shrugged, "again or you won't be able to sit for a while."

"policía congelada, ponga sus manos detás de su..... cabiza." I dropped my head, "shit messed it up."

"That you did, " he slapped my ass, "again."

"Your enjoying this too much." I whined and lifted my ass up, "policía congelada, ponga sus manos detrás de su cabeza."

"police freeze, put your hands behind your head." He smiled before pushing my legs apart and slowly starting to eat me out.

"Oh god." I felt a shutter go through my body as he pushed his tongue in and out really quick, "Rafi,I think this game is useless. Can we drop it and just get to the fun part?"

"No." He pulled back and licked his lips before locking with my eyes as I looked back at him, "your learning. I know you can use these phrases or you'll be happy with the alternative."

"Rafiiiiiii," I whined before he slapped my ass and broke my voice temporarily, "not fair, didn't get it wrong."

"You will again, I have faith." He smirked and sat on the bed before moving me over his lap, "Te amo, cásate conmigo ahora mismo."

"Te amo, cásate conmigo ahora miss-amo." I groaned and immediately tried again, "Te amo, cásate conmigo ahora mismo."

"I love you, marry me right now." He paused as I waited for another phrase, one he wasn't giving.

"Wait, what?" I rolled over and sat up.

"Who needs a real wedding? Marry me right now."

"Rafael, we have to sign papers and get rings..."

"Ok tomorrow." He smiled, "just a quick civil wedding with a judge and the squad. Mami or she'll disown us." 

I shook my head, "you can't be serious."

"Why not? Do you really want to plan a wedding?" He lifted your face to his, "or do you just want to be married now?"

My jaw dropped and I just stared at him until I gained back my thoughts, "we'll......"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a cliff hanger. Sorry but I'm not sure how I want it to go yet.... So let's hear from you guys. Which episode should I do next (preferably Christmasy or winter episode. Doesn't have to be recent can be past seasons.) and what should they do? Elope or a wedding? Drag out the engagement? 
> 
> Any feedback is welcomed!


	6. Intent and mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have doubts after a comment Rafael makes about kids, Carisi confides in you, all during a case you wished never came to SVU.

"well..." I looked at him, "it would be less stress and I don't have to put on some fruity dress." 

He kissed you, "no you still wear a dress, just not as much skirt. Unless you want me to hide under it."

"I thought it was a civil wedding, a princess dress isn't happening." I rolled my eyes as he pulled me against him and shifted my legs to straddle his lap as he leaned back.

"Fine, before you know it we'll be married and we have Heero as our first kid." He rubbed my sides softly as he coaxed me forward so I could slip him in me, "then the little feet following him around making a mess."

My heart froze, I couldn't breath as my body restricted.  _ **Did he...? Did he mean...? This is happening way to fast. This is...**_ I slipped back and stood up quickly as his eyes opened back up and he sat up. I pulled on a pair of panties and a tank top, starting to leave the bedroom. 

"Wait, (y/n)..." He jumped up and tugged on boxers, "what did I say?"

"Nothing raf, I just need air." I shut the door to the small laundry room.

It was cramped but it felt better then the spacious bedroom with him in this second. My heart trying to pound out of my chest and my stomach turning over.  _ **Ten minutes ago everything was normal. Now we are eloping at the courthouse and talking kids? Well he spoke of kids and I ran to hide. Kids? Kids Rafael?.... I am half your age and.... And... And... What am I doing? What the hell just happened?**_ I closed my eyes as a soft knock came to the door.

"Corazon... Are you ok?"

"Fine raf. I just need a few minutes." I opened my eyes and looked at the door.

"Did I say something?"

 _ **Yeah a lot of somethings.**_ "don't worry about it. Just give me a few moments of peace."

"Ok." He walked away from the door and I sat there in quiet trying to gain my head back.

_**Rafael POV**_

> I walked over to Heero on the couch and sat down with him. He curled up against my leg and rolled over, so I rubbed his belly.  _ **What did I say? Am I moving to fast? Does she not want to marry me? What word or words slipped from my mouth to do this?**_ I wanted to walk into that closet and kiss her, hold her. But even though that door doesn't lock, I can't bring myself to do it. She wanted space, I have to give her it.

I slowly pulled myself up, steadying my legs and leaning my head against the door.  _ **Why couldn't we have just had our normal sex?**_ I slowly opened the door and walked out to two heads staring at me. I walked over and took his hand and pulled raf to the bedroom with only one command.

"Let's just sleep. I have a headache."

I curled up on my side and he slipped in behind me and hugged me tight, cuddling me nice and warm. He never said another word, I didn't either. It was all sleep, and it was only seven thirty.

* * *

 The next day I walk into work, a coffee in hand that I hand over to my favorite partner, sonny. He smiled and chuckled as I sat down on the edge of his desk.

"Hello mate," I smiled, "for some reason I got a coffee even though I didn't order it. Congrats."

"Thanks partner, good morning I'm taking it." He sipped the coffee.

"Not to bad." I moved to my desk as he shook his head.

"Don't get comfortable, we need you two at Mercy for a disclosure." Liv stepped out, "fin and Amanda aren't here yet. Your up."

"Right away lieu." Carisi waved us on, I let out a small groan as I drop my bag. 

He gave me a minute to tuck it away and follow him out to the car. It didn't take long, a short drive and quick walk in to hear the woman say she wasn't raped after telling the other officer she was. With a small sigh, we both headed back to tell Liv. Carisi dug into the victim's social media, Amanda and Liv went to talk to her this time. Fin was working the phone and I was stuck trying to stay awake helping Carisi.

"(Y/n)," Carisi nudged me.

"Yeah sorry." I sat up from my half leaning position.

"Didn't sleep or what?" He chuckled.

"No, we had a fight last night. Well kinda fight, i still just don't know if it was."

Carisi looked over and frowned, "the great (y/n) and Rafael relationship is cracking? Say it's not so."

"Don't need the sarcasm." I pointed at him, "but... I don't really know where we are with it now."

"Well what happened?"

I looked around to make sure no one else was close. It's one thing talking problems with raf but when I need a clear head, I go to sonny. He always has my back, my partner in crime. I trust him to not tell others.

"Well, he... He kinda purposed the idea that we elope during sex." Carisi choked on his drink, "then indirectly said he wanted kids. Like the next sentence."

"O-k... Wow." He looked over, "so what happened then?"

"I said I needed air and ran to our little laundry closet and sat there for like an hour." I nodded, "yeah, that door doesn't even lock. He just wanted to give me space and left me alone. Then we just went to bed at like seven."

"Well, I'm not sure if that's a fight or not." He went back to digging.

"Exactly, I mean the eloping was ok. Less stress and I doubt either of us wanted a big wedding anyways. That wasn't the issue as much after I thought about it for a minute. The one that got me was the huge leap to kids when we never talked about it."

"What did he say?"

"W _e have Heero as our first kid. Then the little feet following him around making a mess._ " I swallowed a lump in my throat.

"Do you not want kids?"

That made me pause. I never thought about that as much. I'm still young, never put to much thought into kids. At twenty-four, I had plenty of times for kids. I was getting a career going and now I suddenly have a fiance and thinking about kids.

"Yeah but, I never thought about it. I'm still in my twenty's and it wasn't a major thought at the moment." I sighed, "am I over reacting?"

"Definitely," he smiled as I slapped his arm, "but it's understandable. That's a major subject and you two should actually discuss it before you run away and elope."

"Thank you voice of reason," I sighed, "came up with anything yet?"

 "Just tattoo hand holding wine with katy. Nothing else even remotely helpful."

"Well, how can I actually help now?" I smiled.

"Just keep sleeping, you'll just owe me lunch." He chuckled.

* * *

 Fin and Carisi went to check out the lawyer and Liv sent them over to the man we believed had the tattoo hand. They ended up bringing him back to the box with his manager/lawyer. Me, live, and Amanda watched from her office as they started interrogation.

"Apparently I met Katy at my last fight a couple months ago I didn't remember. But then she commented on my fan page. I liked what I saw, so I sent her my private number. We started texting, whatnot." Andy spoke a little flustered.

"Whatnot?" Fin asked as he motioned his hands for more information.

"I mean, she seemed pretty cool at first. We both like Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash. She's a smart girl. She's going to college and working to pay for herself and her folks. Then she tells me how she used to be shy and got picked on in middle school, and then I was like, "This is someone I could be with." Andy looked more like a hurt teenager talking then the tough man you seen.

"Looks like there may be a heart somewhere under all those muscles." Liv from the office with me and Amanda

"Then it got weird." He quickly added drawing our attention back to the window.

"Weird how?" Carisi asked.

"Sexual. She told me that she gets turned on by watching me fight. She sends me a bunch of selfies wearing not a lot of clothing," he sighed and then looked a little agitated as he forced the second part out, "and then she says she wanted me to rape her." 

"I told you to back off that chick, didn't I? Show 'em." His lawyer added with a small glance to him.

Andy handed over the phone, Carisi picked it up and read, "I want to be pinned down and forced, and there's nothing I can do to get away." You say, "You're kidding, right?" She says, "No, Monster. I want you to rape me." 

This earned several confused looks, but not from the monster or his lawyer, "All I did is what she asked for." 

"So you're admitting that you raped her." Carisi asked.

"Of course he's not saying that." The last jumped in.

"But you forced her to have sex." Carisi fired back.

"Yeah. No. I don't know." Andy got very flustered then got defensive, "It's what she wanted, man."

"Look, the girl's not only a perv she's a con artist." His lawyer fired back.

 Carisi stood up and walked into the office where us girls stood watching. 

He shook his head as he shut the door and looked at us, "Somebody's not telling the truth." 

"Katy already lied to us twice." I sat on the edge of Liv's desk.

"And there's a reason they call this guy The Monster." Carisi finished my thought.

"Well, it could have something to do with the fact that he's undefeated with 28 first round knockouts." Amanda threw out as we all looked at her with questioning looks, "Yeah, I dabble, and I just I think it's weird that Katy only asked for $10,000. He's worth millions."

"So have The Monster text Katy back, agree to pay the money." Liv started the plan and I finished it, "If she shows, she's a felon." 

"And if she doesn't show up?" Amanda asked.

"Charge Monster with rape one." Liv ordered.

"It's "The Monster," FYI." Amanda corrected her quietly as she patted her shoulder.

Liv stopped Carisi and Amanda before they could walk out, "I want you two to set up the sting."

"Ok lieu." Carisi nodded.

 They ran off to set up the sting and she looked at me, "well, get the monster looped in on this plan."

"Ok boss." I nodded and looped them in.

* * *

 It wasn't to much longer and they had the trap going. Katy took the bait, they brought her in and Liv sent me in to start with her. She would be in in a few minutes, I needed to connect with Katy and honestly, I was thinking she had to be innocent. It was going perfectly as she explained what happened and when Liv came in, she was looking at me to help defend her.

"Demanding money in exchange for not reporting a crime? That's a crime, Katy. It's called extortion." Liv spoke as she took her seat.

"I didn't do that. I have no idea what you're talking about." Katy looked panicked, I actually believed she was telling the truth.

"Why were you at the park?" I asked.

"I had an interview for a modeling gig." Katy answered quickly, "A rep from Chanel asked me to meet her there."

"At Stuyvesant Park at 1:00 p.m. on a Sunday?" 

"You don't believe me. Look." Katy flipped her phone over and brought up the text.

"Hey, Katy, love your Insta.Chanel is developing a new ad campaign you'd be perfect for." I read and handed it to Liv.

"See? I didn't ask anyone for money." She added and looked between me and Liv.

"Okay, Katy, we saw the texts that you sent to The Monster." Liv frowned, still not believing her.

"Well, then, he's setting me up. He told me that he would come after me if I went to the police." She looked Liv in the eye.

"Show me right now." Liv handed her the phone and she brought them up.

She gave the phone back and Liv read them off, "What the hell happened? You'd better not tell anyone about this. If you go to the cops, your career is over. I'll tell everyone what a slut you are, and no one will believe you."

"Katy, did he rape you?" I asked again and she nodded softly, tears threatening to come out.

* * *

  "Okay, Liv, we talked to Chanel. They never heard of Katy Miller." Fin started.

"She's got texts from the shyster Phillip Altshuler telling her not to talk to us." Amanda adds and motioned for fin to finish, "Which, unless he was stupid enough to lie to our face, are also fake."

"So Katy just takes counsel from some attorney she's never heard of who just randomly pops up on her phone?" Carisi frowned and walked over from the white board to sit down beside me.

"After you've been raped, how clearly are you thinking?" Liv clarified.

"See, the texts from her phone make her sound like Little Miss Muffet." I looked to Carisi hoping he gets it.

"Yeah, on his, he's the Pillsbury Doughboy." Carisi nods as he follows along.

"But the text on his phone I mean," i sat up straighter as I said the next part, "she's the Marquis de Sade." 

"Vice versa." Carisi nodded with a smile towards me.

"Okay, so if they're both telling the truth, there's gotta be a third party involved." Liv interjects.

"Catfish?" Carisi lost the smile, now confused.

"Actually it was a double catfish." Fin explained, "Whoever did it posed as Katy to message The Monster and The Monster to message Katy." 

"Now, let's not forget about Chanel and this Counselor Altshuler." Amanda finished fins thought.

"So have computer crimes check the IP address." Liv shook her head and got up, leaving for her office after giving us our only order.

* * *

  _ **Rafael POV**_

> "Rape Three, a non-violent E felony. No jail time. One year probation." I gave the offer as I walked over to lean on a chair at the table and slide the offer to his lawyer.
> 
> "I don't understand. Katy's an Instagram star. She messaged me." Andy pushed back.
> 
> Because it wasn't from Katy." Liv explained once again to the man that obviously wasn't paying attention to the small explanation I had just given with the proof, "It was from a stranger who made a fake account supposed to look like Katy. 
> 
> Whoever communicated with Katy did it from an account made to look like yours." I finished.
> 
> So when we exchanged phone numbers...?" He started to ask only for Liv to answer before he had a chance, "You weren't texting with Katy. That was also the catfisher."
> 
> "Why would someone...?" He leaned back exasperated.
> 
> "Okay, time out, time out, time out. Is my client under arrest?" The Lawyer asked.
> 
> "No, he's not." Liv answered.
> 
> "So you want him to plead guilty to raping this Katy chick even though there's no way you can come up with a conviction?" His lawyer shook his head in disbelief.
> 
> "Look, I know you don't think that you did anything wrong" liv tried to explain the moral situation only for the monster to interrupt. 
> 
> "I didn't."
> 
> "Oh, you did." I finished as I knocked on the door before returning to my spot.
> 
> In walked Katy and (y/n), slowly stepping in and shutting the door. Andy had jumped to his feet after a small exchange of looks with his lawyer, the lawyer begging him not to.
> 
> "Hey." He suddenly looked like a puppy dog, walking towards them.
> 
> "Okay." (Y/n) raised her hand to give a silent warning.
> 
> "They just told me everything." He stopped as directed and was pleading with Katy, "Katy, I really thought that you wanted me..."
> 
> "I told you to stop." She angrily replied.
> 
> "I didn't think you meant it." He shook his head in disbelief that this was happening.
> 
> "You choked me, Andy." She raised her voice slightly.
> 
> "I didn't know." His face showing just how fractured his thoughts were.
> 
> "You know what else you didn't know? I was a virgin." She nodded softly and was holding back tears as (y/n) put a hand on her shoulder to reel her back in.
> 
> It went silent for a moment before Liv looked up from her chair and locked eyes with Andy, "My gut tells me that you didn't mean to hurt Katy." 
> 
> "I didn't. It was the catfisher, not me." He threw out there and looked at Katy, as if he was trying to win her over.
> 
> "The person who did this deserves jail time." Liv spoke and looked at me to finish.
> 
> "The catfisher can't be an accomplice to rape unless there is a rape." I looked at the man as he took it all in.
> 
> "So again, you want Andy to confess to a crime that he can't be convicted of." His lawyer looked at me but spoke slowly for Andy to hear clearly.
> 
> "Yes." I sighed and turned back to Andy, "Otherwise the law says nothing happened to Katy."
> 
> "So here we are." Liv stood up beside me and motioned to the door casually, "You can walk out that door right now without taking any responsibility for what happened."
> 
> "And reject a very generous deal." I shrugged.
> 
> "Very generous?" The lawyer stood up, annoyed at how none of us was listening to him, "You're talking about him forfeiting millions of dollars." 
> 
> "Or you could risk doing 20 years." I finished my original statement.
> 
> "That's crap and you know it." The Lawyer replied and Andy looked over for only a moment, "There's no jury in the world that would find him guilty." 
> 
> "No, but Katy will." (Y/n) interrupted him, her hand patting Katy's shoulder as to remind Andy what she went through, "So if you walk out this door right now, you're saying that nothing happened." 
> 
> "And you'd also know, for the rest of your life, that you could've done something to make it right." Liv finished, "But you chose not to." 
> 
> "Okay, we're done." His lawyer started.
> 
> "Shawn." Andy looked at him then turned back to Katy, "Katy," He tries to step closer as (y/n)  raised her hand to tell him to stop again, slipping in front of Katy like she would literally fight the monster to protect her, "I am so sorry."
> 
> "Sorry, no deal, or sorry I hurt you, and I'll take the deal?" I quickly spoke and walked over next to Liv as she stopped me from going around her to my fiance that looked like she was about to punch the monster.
> 
> "I didn't want to hurt you." He whispered.
> 
> "And I don't wanna hurt you either." Katy replied louder then with a firmer tone.
> 
> He sighs and looks at his lawyer shaking his head no, his own head spinning it around as he turned back towards Katy and (y/n), "I'll take the deal."
> 
> Me and Liv looked at each other as Katy gave a small smile and nod. The lawyer didn't even try to speak, (y/n) dropped her hand but stayed slightly in front of Katy just in case.
> 
> Andy nodded softly as he looked over at us and back to Katy, "You can go after whoever did this now?"
> 
> "You can count on it." Liv spoke with that small fire we knew so well.
> 
> She was determined to now, not that I wasn't after seeing this little show. Andy stepped back and his lawyer quickly brought him over to sign the deal. I stood by and watched to make sure everything was good as (y/n) walked Katy out of the room. Liv shut the door and gave a small nod at me, we were going to win this.

* * *

"Computer Crimes tracked the catfisher to 3 Whitney Mountain Road, in Maysville, West Virginia." Carisi walked with Liv through the bull pin towards where we sat.

 "Okay, a name?" Liv asked.

"Real estate records aren't exactly what you'd call up to date." 

"All right, so get a John Doe warrant." She replied.

 "Done." He looked victorious.

"All right, uh, forward it to the local precinct." She adds 

"Done." He kept his smile.

"Perfect." Liv looked at him as they stopped by the table we sat at, "Get two first class tickets to West Virginia." 

"Really?" He looked shocked.

"No." Liv smiled, "Fill up your gas tank. Fin, you're riding shotgun.

"Oh, no, no, I'm allergic to West Virginia." Fin he shook his head.

"(Y/n)." Liv points to me.

"I have some kind of appointment tonight that I can't miss making me respectfully decline." I smiled.

Liv rolls her eyes after a warning stare, "Rollins, you're up."

"You're kidding." Amanda groaned.

"Look, somebody has gotta translate for this guy." Liv pointed at Carisi and the decision was final.

* * *

 That night i went home and dropped on the couch. Clothes still on from work and my coat as well. My face was down in the cushion as I heard a soft whine, then a paw poked my side.

"Heero, can mommy just lay here and play dead?"

A moment passed, then he poked again and I groaned and turned my head to see my precious puppy, "yes."

He gave a soft snort and pawed my leg.

"Heero, Mommy wants to play dead. She doesn't want to go follow you somewhere."

He pushed in on my leg a little harder and I rolled my eyes but got up, "ok fine. What is it?"

I followed him back to the bedroom and sighed as he picked up his favorite ball. He walked it over and dropped it at my feet. 

"Ok. Let's play." 

I picked up the ball and ran to the living room with him in tow. He jumped up on the couch as i ran behind it. I tossed the ball at the wall and he brought it back, I played with him for twenty minutes Utes or so before passing out on the couch and Heero laying on me. As I cuddled with my pup, I sighed.

"You know, daddy wants more kids." I get the fur ball laying from my chest to my knees, "he wants human babies to chase you around the house."

He looked at me, his little pointed ears perking back at my words.

"You wouldn't mind brothers or sisters... Would you?"

He licked my face and I kissed his snout, "ok, ok... I over reacted. I get it. Maybe I should talk to Rafa tonight."

About twenty minutes later, Rafael walked in the door. He dropped his briefcase and hung up his coat in the closet. Turning around he loosened his tie and popped the top button. He paused at the sight, mine and Heero looking at him.

"Hello."

"Hi." I smiled softly, "hey boy, can mommy and daddy talk a moment in private."

Heero huffed and walked down the way to the spare room. I sat up and patted the spot beside me, raf sitting down after taking off his jacket and vest. I turned to face him and rested my head on his lap looking up at him as he found the scotch I had premade for him.

"What do we need to talk about?" He asked softly.

"Kids."

"I ov..." I cut him off, "no, I overreacted."

He paused and looked down at me, I sat up and turned to face him, "I don't know if I want kids right now. I never thought about it but I also never thought about the fact you are older and how hard it could be for us to conceive. I didn't put much thought into it, and I shut down all conversation."

"Well I did bring it up during sex." 

"Yeah not the best, but I was pushing it off without even talking about it. I'm sorry."

"So, do you not want kids?" He asked.

"I don't know." I shrugged, "I mean I want kids and everything but I never thought it through."

"Then why don't you?" He took my hand and pulled me in for a soft kiss, "just think about it for me then. I don't need a answer immediately and I'm not leaving you if you say no."

I hugged him tight and kissed his cheek, "thank you papi." 

The rest of the night we just cuddled and watched TV with Heero. He let me think, gave me time and space if I wanted. He was amazing and I didn't deserve him. I needed to think it through, need to really give it time before I told him... But I couldn't just tell him. I had to let him know how much I love him either way I decide. Even as we tucked into bed tonight, I knew everything would work out.

* * *

The next day was going slow, our case was none existent until Carisi and Rollins got back from West Virginia. So as Liv was busy with Noah, fin and me were barely doing paperwork. We were mostly talking until lunch hit, fin went and I decided to go see raf instead. I figured our lunch could be spent better together, and I needed to show him my decision. I walked in and stop by Carmen's desk. She smiled faintly and looked at me waiting for words to come out of my mouth. It was forced, the squad didn't know I was here and Rafael didn't know either. I could walk away but knew I needed to talk to raf, needed to do this right now.

"Hey Carmen, I need to talk to my fiance. Can I convince you to give us.... Half hour or so?"

She sighed, "he has court in forty-five minutes, I'll be by in forty."

"Thank you."

She grabbed her purse and left, shutting the second door. I put my hand on the handle and slowly opened the door. I stepped in as his eyes slowly came up.

"Carmen I sa...." He stopped and smiled softly, "oh, hi (y/n)."

"Hey raf." I shut the door and took a deep breath before walking to his desk, "I need to talk to you."

"Ok." He sat the pen down on the desk and looked up, "what's up?"

"About the other day, I'm sorry. I just ran out of the room and hid in that closet we call a laundry room."

"It's fine. I was moving to fast and...." I couldn't let him finish that sentence.

I walked around the desk and dropped to my knees as he gave a confused look. I started to grab his belt and his hands tried to stop me.

"What are you doing?"

"Apologizing." I smiled as i kiss his hand and let my other hand undo the belt.

"Carmen is..."

"Out of the office for fourty minutes."

He looked conflicted, by looking at his now very noticeable bulge in his tight pants, he wanted to do this. His eyes closed and he bit his lip softly before raising his hips to pull his pants off. 

"This a horrible idea."

"Then just say stop."

He shook his head, his manhood popping out at salute. He was too lost in the idea now, no way to hide that in his pants unless he takes care of it. His hand cupped my cheek as I kissed his tip, slowly taking in the head as he moaned and leaned back in his chair.

"Oh God... Cariño." He let out a sharp breath and closed his eyes as i pushed more in my mouth.

He opened his eyes as i softly licked his length, my tongue swirling softly around him. I looked at him with hooded eyes, humming softly as his hips raised and pushed the last bit in my mouth. The fact i could take him completely in my mouth was something he never really found before. How I would look at him as I did, looking so sweet and innocent why he felt completely blissful. His hands on the arm rests, tight grip, all because he knew i didn't like his hands on my head during a bj. I slowly pulled back and smiled as he dragged my now empty mouth to his for a kiss.

"Forty you said? I think we can make it." He smiled as I stood up, "drop your pants."

I kicked off my shoes and pants, his hands pulling off my panties and sticking them in his shirt pocket. He undid his tie and pointed to his desk as he undid his shirt to toss over his chair. He tied my hands in front of me with his tie and sat down in his chair, pushing my legs open and moving my legs over his shoulders. His tongue darted out, brushing my hooded pearl. A soft gasp escaped my mouth, his lips pushing by my lips and his hand pushing two fingers in me as he carefully navigated my body. I panted as he hit my sweet spot.

_**Rafaels POV**_

> I hummed softly as her hips lifted and my free hand pushed her down. Her sweet taste filled my mouth, her soft flesh feeling amazing against my lips. I let my tongue slip down and push in with a finger as she gasped and wiggled. I moved back up to her sparkling clitoris, engulfing it and sucking softly as my finger moved rapidly up and down. I held her hips down firmly as her legs gripped me, her head now back hanging off my desk as her body tried to lift up. I stopped my fingers and she whimpered, so I started gently moving them again as my thumb slowly trailed down to her puckered hole. She jumped again and her head whipped up, lip wide apart.
> 
> "Oh God... Oh raf...please..pll-pll-pp-p-p-please." 
> 
> I slowly pulled back and she raised her hips with want. I smiled as she slowly sat up on my desk.
> 
> "Bend over the desk."
> 
> She smiled and slipped down but turned around, bent over as I pushed her shirt off and undid her bra. She pushed against me as I did, After getting her hands retied behind her, a firm hand pushing her back down made her focus again. I slipped in and set a soft pace, holding her hips as I watched her back curve. Her hands curled up in fists trying to find a grip on the other since she couldn't hold my desk and little kisses finding there way up her spin as I speed up.

I was in a bliss, all I wanted was him inside me. I didn't care about work, this case, our small fight, anything. I just wanted him, I always wanted him. As he sawed me in half, I felt my build. He only went faster and before I knew it, the sound of flesh slapping flesh was all I could hear over moans. Some mine, some his... And a lot of bruising starting on my hips and thighs from being shoved into his desk. It didn't feel bad, no I was to high from the sex to feel the pain but I knew they were forming and I knew I'd feel that soon. He pulled out and gave a soft spank before pulling me up by my tied wrists.

"Your so beautiful, No puedo creer que seas mío (I can't believe you're mine.)" He turned me around and  kissed my lips, slowly pulled me in, lifting my legs up around his hips.

"Raf...."

His lips curled up as he pulled my other leg up, he carried me to the couch. I felt him brushing against my hole and clit, right between my folds as he moved us. He sat down and directly tugged me down on him, impaling me on his cock. We both groaned but i quickly found my grounding, rolling my hips and bouncing on him. His hands grabbed my ass to squeeze. He looked up with his face between my boobs, he looked higher then me. This was the first time in a week we actually talked and had intercourse. The days lately just sleeping in the same bed and sometimes cuddling was taking a toll on us both. He kissed me right above my heart, his eyes looking up to mine as a silent promise.  _ **I will always love you, I promise I will.**_ I could feel his small twitches, he was so close and I wanted it for us. He started to push me up and I stopped his hands as I kissed him.

"No. Baby don't pull out."

His eyes watched mine, he pulled me down and shifted us so he was on top.

"But..."

"We don't have to try so hard for it, but if it happens by chance... I'll be fine with it. Por favor papi."

He closed his eyes and rested his head on my chest, groaning as he started in again. He was chasing his release and I was praying he found it... Even if it meant he would be done. I felt the leather couch against my back, impeding my movement and causing a small rash I won't feel till later. I was almost out of it, eyes almost hooded over but staring at him as he rested his forehead to mine and pounded me senseless. It was all to much, so much that neither of us heard the foot steps or door.

"Barba..." The voice was deep, the footsteps heavy... And the door open as the man was about to ask a question but instead stopped and slammed the door shut with a "oh shit."

I felt the dread deep in my stomach,  _ **Did he see?**_ Rafael must've missed the fact that Fin just walked in on us. He let out a beautiful moan and I felt him coating my insides, his body falling against mine. I didn't stroke my fingers through his hair, didn't kiss his head, didn't even say a word. I laid there with a small look of horror and my sobering heartbeat as my mind raced.  _ **Why the hell did you think this was a good idea? Why did you do this? Why didn't you just lock the fucking door or hung a tie or sock on it? What the hell did you just do, you ruined the moment.**_

"Corazon, darling." His soft kiss by your heart made you look down, "what's wrong?"

"You didn't see the door open."

His face dropped, he pushed up and I felt him slip out way to soon. He rushed to his desk and quickly got dressed. I just laid there, hands still tied behind my back as I tried to find a way to think clearly for a minute, or enough to get dressed at least. 

"Where is my tie?" He grumbled and I finally looked at him.

With my head tipped back off the couch, I watched him a second before coughing, "papi... My hands."

He looked up and I could see it click in his head. He rushed over and untied my hands and quickly retired his tie as he kissed my cheek.

"Who was at the door?"

"Fin."

He sighed and opened the door to find the entry room empty. He shut the door and looked down at me still sitting there. He bent down and rubbed my wrists, slowly getting feeling back as he tried to ground me.

"Corazon, it'll be ok. Just get dress." He kissed my lips even though I didn't pucker them.

"Rafi our coworker just walked in on our office sex."

"And I'll fix it. I promise." He sighed and fetched my clothes from by his desk, "no será un problema, arreglaré esto."

He stopped when I didn't ask what he said, quickly sighing and handing me my clothes, "it won't be a problem, I will fix this."

"Raf..."

"No. Just get dressed. Por favor." He sat the clothes down and kissed my head, "Te amo y arreglaré esto porque lo dejo pasar. Además finn es un hombre y se comportará con esto. (I love you and I will fix this because I let it happen. Besides fin is a man and will behave with this.)" 

I just stared at him blankly, the Spanish slipping over my head again and he sighed before fastening my bra.

"Get dressed, please." 

I finally nodded and started to pull my shirt back on as he ran his fingers through his hair to fix it just a little as he raced to the lobby to stop fin. I was almost done as I noticed I didn't have underwear. I groaned and put the pants on before standing up.

"I guess I'm going commando." 

  _ **Rafael POV**_

>  I rushed down and caught fin by the door, grabbing his arm lightly as he turned towards me, "fin."
> 
> "Didn't mean to interrupt." He raised his hands up.
> 
> I rolled my eyes, "what did you need?"
> 
> "Carisi called, Heather Parcell wants to come. They don't need the extradition papers." He was trying to hide a smile.
> 
> "And that requires a in person visit because..." Fin didn't answer just kept smiling, I squinted, "What are you smiling about?"
> 
> "You have something in your front pocket councilor." He turned away, "don't stop on my account."
> 
> Fin left and I felt my jacket to find I still had (y/n)'s underwear. I quickly stuffed them in the bigger pocket where they couldn't be seen so well. I pushed down the red tint in my face and went back upstairs to find her smiling at me. I pulled them from my pocket and let them hang on my finger.
> 
> "I believe these are yours."
> 
>  "You chased fin down with my underwear still in your pocket?" She smiled and I couldn't hide the blush any more as I walked back to my desk and took in her beautiful laugh as I hid my face.
> 
> "Ok fine, they're mine now."
> 
> "Your cute when you blush papi." She kissed my cheek, "see you at home."
> 
> She walked out with a smooth stride, she played it off a lot better then I did. I wouldn't be surprised if she talked to fin either and does a better job.  _ **You're an idiot, she could talk to him back at the squad room better then you chasing him down.**_ I sighed and leaned back in my chair as a knock brought me back up straight, Carmen talking through the door.
> 
> "Court in five minutes."
> 
> I sighed and checked myself in the mirror before running out.

* * *

Since Carisi and Amanda got back with Heather Parcell, sonny has been acting weird. He was very distant from Amanda and really focusing, or more accurately over focusing on work. But it wasn't until I had to watch the small exchange they did share, that I was dead set on making sonny talk.

"Hey, so I'm gonna get a sandwich if you wanna..." Amanda started as she stood and grabbed her coat.

"No, I'm good." Carisi shut it down mid question.

Is that about Heather?" She walked over slowly as he looked at his laptop.

"Uh, yeah, I'm scanning her digital footprint." 

"Anything useful?" She asked.

"Well, she lived her life on her computer, so there's a lot to go through."

I could feel the cold shoulder he was giving, I was just trying not to show it. Since the bull pin was buzzing with detectives going every which way working on different things. I was just hoping sonny and Amanda wasn't paying to close attention to little ol me.

"You sure you don't wanna get a sandwich with me?" She asked one more time.

"I'm sure." He dismissed her again.

"You know I'm human, right?" She walked over and leaned over his desk slightly, his eyes raising up to look at her, "Right, and human people have sex, sometimes with people they love, sometimes with people they don't even know." 

I swallowed the air in my throat hard as I heard that,  _ **Whoa, whoa, whoa... Did they?**_

"Mm, thanks for that." He nodded softly trying to play off her words.

"And sometimes with people who are pains in the ass." Amanda smiled softly and left.

He sat there a moment before I broke, pushing my chair straight back to land at the side of his desk. I turned slightly to look at him as he looked at his computer.

"Wow sonny, save some of the happy go lucky shit for us." 

"You were listening." He didn't look over.

"Never would I ever."

He looked over, "we didn't have... Sex."

It was a soft whisper but I still caught it.

"Yeah... But you want to."

He tipped his head and glared, "I never said..."

"Didn't have to. It's easy to tell after that." I sighed, "sonny, work place relationships suck."

"I don't..."

"You do. Stop lying to yourself." I rolled back to my desk.

He rolled over to my desk, my eyes landing on him, "I thought we had a moment. We were at the bar and the sheriff was drunk. I was walking him out from the bathroom, trying to convince him to go home when I bumped into a couple. Their drinks spilt so I apologized and offered to buy them drinks and the guy went off. Me and Amanda was in a full on bar brawl. I walked her back to her room and she shut me down without words. I get up the next morning and she let the bartender out her door as she was still flirting with him."

"Dude, I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Yeah, I honestly thought we had something after all this time. I'm just glad I didn't put myself completely out their. It was a private failure."

"It wouldn't work well, relationships in the workplace suck." I tried to cheer him up, "you got part of our fights before."

"But you would die for Barba." 

"Whoa, slow down... I never said that." I looked over at him as he moved back to his desk.

"But you would."

 _ **I probably would.**_ "that's besides the point."

"Thanks for trying to help." He went back to work as I sighed.

"Fine, later dude. I need food before I die of starvation and not a bullet." I walked out as sonny sat still sulking.

* * *

 Liv and raf came out to tell us what happened. Heather was taking it to trial and her new lawyer, Altshuler the lawyer she impersonated, was now defending her. Liv sent me and Amanda to tell Katy, Carisi and fin to inform Andy. And as expected on the day of trial, they were there prepared. Katy takes the stand first.

"Once we moved from Instagram to texting, we talked about everything." Katy sat up their clearly nervous, "I told him I wanted to take it slow, and eventually we agreed to meet up. He looked scary, but in real life, he was sweet. At first, it was a good date." 

"Then what happened?" Raf stood by his table, directing her as they spoke.

"All of a sudden, he changed.He grabbed me by the throat.I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.Then he ripped my clothes off, and he raped me." She struggled to get the last part out, looking down towards her hands as she forced it out.

"Objection." Altshuler looked unimpressed with her words.

 "Sustained." The judge nodded in agreement.

"Be a little more specific, Katy, if you can." Raf moved closer, looking down instead of at her.

"Put his mouth on me.His tongue. I tried to close my legs, and then he jammed his in me." She sighed and you could hear her voice wavering.

"Did you tell him to stop?" 

"Over and over." She nodded 

 "How'd he respond?" Raf asked as he stopped in front of her.

"He said he knew this is what I wanted." Katy held back a tear as she nodded again.

Next up was Andy, the monster.

"Where did that idea come from?" Raf asked giving that thought filling look I knew too well.

"I thought it came from Katy." Andy said easily, well trained I assumed, "We'd been texting for weeks.She said she had a rape fantasy."

''Did that sound odd to you?" 

"Well, yeah." 

 "So what'd you do?" 

"I asked her if she was sure, multiple times, but she was clear. She wanted me to force her no matter what." Andy  moved his head as he added emphasis to the end.

"But that wasn't really Katy's fantasy, was it?" Raf tipped his head softly, his hands fidgeting with the small remote to the TV off to his left.

'Objection, the witness isn't a mind-reader." Altshuler stuck out his arms to show his bewilderment at the question.

'Sustained." The just nodded in agreement again.

'What, if anything, did you come to learn about those texts asking you to rape Katy?" Raf turned around to face the audience in the courtroom.

"She didn't really send them." Andy said firmly.

Amanda took the stand after Andy.

 "Who did?" Raf turned his head from his spot looking at the jury.

"We traced the texts to an IP address in West Virginia to a computer belonging to Heather Parcell, the defendant." Amanda sat up there explaining clearly for everyone listening, "She had sent over 1,000 text messages to Katy posing as The Monster, Andy McPherson, and over 600 messages to Andy posing as Katy, and this was all during a six week period."

"Is it possible she was hacked and someone else sent those messages?" He walked towards his table again, slowly as Amanda answered.

"No, she confessed to catfishing both Andy and Katy before we arrested her." 

Raf sat down as he straightened his coat, he was done with his questions. I noticed Altshuler watching him closely before Katy pulled my attention. She was still nervous to sit in the courtroom. Liv sat behind her and I sat next to her, for some reason she chose me to be her confidante even though Liv was clearly more mother like. Raf looked back at us for a moment, checking on me. He needed to see me sitting there watching him, though I still couldn't understand why.  _ **Shouldn't you be able to do this without me in the courtroom? I thought you were a pro raf.**_ I smiled at my own thought as he turned back around.

"When Heather confessed so quickly, did you get the idea that she realized the gravity of what she'd done?" Altshuler stood and slowly approached Amanda.

"I can't speak to her state of mind." Amanda replied.

"Did Heather Parcell ever express her opinion of The Monster to you?" 

"She said she was excited to meet him." 

"Would you say she idolized him?" 

I looked over and seen Andy readjusting in his seat, clearly this was striking one of his nerves too.

"I'd say she wanted to meet him."

"Like she was a fan."

 'Yes." Amanda nodded.

"Like someone who wanted to see him go to prison for rape?" Altshuler asked quickly.

"Objection." Raf looked at the lawyer with a small smirk, I swore raf could tell where this was going.

Amanda left the stand and heather took it.

"It was fun, like a game. I never thought that it'd actually happen." Heather spoke clearly and watched her lawyer.

"And where in the world did you get the idea that a woman would actually ask to be raped?" Altshuler stood at her stand watching her carefully as they went through the questioning.

"It's stupid." 

"Tell us anyway." 

"I saw it on one of Mama's soaps. She watches 'em every day."

Raf played with his pen, obviously thinking about something. 

"So you never actually had a rape fantasy yourself? "

"Me? No." 

"Did anyone you know in Maysville have such a fantasy?" 

"I don't know." 

"You never talked to anyone about it?" 

"I-i don't talk to many people." 

I looked over and Katy had the same look as Andy from the other side of the isle, pity. They had to sit and listen to how this girl played with them like dolls all because she hated her life.

"And why is that?" 

"Mama. She's real sick, cancer. It's bad. Diabetes, rheumatoid. That's why she's not here. She can't walk, and I take care of her." 

"Mmhmm, uh, how so?" Altshuler asked and walked over to the jury.

"Uh, I make breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. When she's too weak, I spoon feed her. After that, I change her poop bag."

Raf sighed and shook his head knowing this would be a hard trial to win with the jury hearing this. Katy looked partially disgusted.

"and I give her a sponge bath because she can't take showers, and then I press her fingertips and rub her feet 'cause they hurt, and that sometimes helps. And on the bad days, I hold the bucket while she pukes."

"And when you're not taking care of her, what do you do? " 

"Talk to people on the computer."

"People like Katy and The Monster." 

"I love it when they talk back."

"Did you ever intend to harm Katy?" 

"No." 

"Did you wanna see The Monster go to prison?" Altshuler looked over at her.

"No, never." She shook her head.

"Nothing further." 

Rafael starts to stand up, looking a little lost and confused.  _ **Come on raf, you can do this.**_

"It's getting late, Mr.Barba. You can cross-examine the witness tomorrow." The judge addressed.

Raf sat back down slightly relieved, obviously he wasn't prepared to paint this woman as a monster that set up people to get raped. Or at least he couldn't after sitting through that part of trial.  _ **How can pity take such a toll on people?**_ I asked myself and watched the court room almost sigh in relief that they didn't have to hear more of this unfortunate life Parcell had.

* * *

_**Rafaels POV**_

> I looked over to see Liv walk in the bar where I'm working, slowly approaching. Her face looking at her phone.
> 
> "Shouldn't you be on mother duty?" I laughed.
> 
> "Shouldn't you be home with your fiance?" She smirked and sat down, "Grandma took Noah to the movies, and now they're getting pizza."
> 
> "He's a lucky kid."
> 
> "He is indeed, but your dodging my question."
> 
> "He ended up in the right zip code with the right people." 
> 
> "Have you and (y/n) talked kids?" Liv looked over as her drink was placed in front of her.
> 
> "Yes, poorly but I have." I sipped my drink, "I brought it up at a bad time."
> 
> I pulled out the ring box and set it on the counter, her eyes drawn to it. I opened it and shown her the rings I picked out.
> 
> "Our wedding band set. Crees que a ella le gustará?(Do you think she'll like it?)"
> 
>  "You picked it, she will." Liv smiled, "am I just suppose to ignore you dodging my question?"
> 
> "Yo lo preferiría(I would prefer it.)" I sipped my glass.
> 
> "Heather Parcell?" Liv asked looking at my notes.
> 
> "The Internet has made the world a smaller place, but some people still get lost in it."
> 
> "She instigated a rape, Rafa" Liv argued.
> 
> "Out of boredom." I took a sip of my drink, "She had no motive."
> 
> "How is stupidity a defense?"
> 
> "It's not, but this is just a bad case." I looked back over at her,  "The girl doesn't have a malicious bone in her body"
> 
> "Oh, my God." Liv shook her head and put it in her hands for a second.
> 
> "No motive means no story for the jury. This was the most exciting thing in her life."
> 
> "And the most painful for Katy." Liv fired back and made me look up from my notes again.
> 
> "If I was on that jury, I'd vote to acquit out of pity alone." I admitted.
> 
> Liv looked shocked, I couldn't blame her. This case was a mess and hearing about Heather's crappy life really made it hard to focus on the bad done from simple texts.
> 
> I see Carisi walking over and didn't hide the small surprise, "Hey, what's going on?"
> 
> "Well, right after The Monster and Katy agreed to meet up, Heather texted 'em both a picture asking if a friend could tag along." Carisi stopped in the walkway turned towards us, "They said no, but does that friend look familiar?" 
> 
> He Hands over a photo of heather, liv looking at it as she thought. I took a small breath and immediately started to put it in perspective.
> 
> "Well, this establishes a possible revenge motive, but not mens rea."
> 
> "Yeah, but if you toss these in the pot as well." Carisi hands over another paper of comments about Katy.
> 
> I swallowed after reading a little and looked at him before looking to Liv. I turned the page around and looked her in the eye.
> 
> "The human body has a lot of bones."

* * *

 "It looks like you wanted to be friends with The Monster." raf walked to the tv monitor and turned it on to out up the first photo.

"He's famous.Who wouldn't? "Heather replied starting to look over that way.

"Could you read this text please?" Raf pointed to the screen and heather nodded 

"My girlfriend would like to come with us."

"You sent this to him."

 "Yes."

 "Pretending to be Katy?" 

"Yes." Heather nodded softly.

"And this photo was attached to the text, just like the one you sent to Katy pretending to be The Monster?" Raf switched to the photo of heather Carisi found.

"Yes." Heather looked away from the photo.

 "How did he respond? " Raf started his walk over to stand in front of the stand to look at heather.

"He said no, that he just - wanted alone time with Katy."

"And Katy, what did she say?" 

"She said no, she wanted to be alone with Andy." 

"And neither of them wanted to be with you." Raf slipped in as Altshuler looked at him.

"Objection." 

"Withdrawn." Raf moved on to his next question, "What would you have done if one of them said yes?"

"Objection." Altshuler looked at the judge who agreed.

"Sustained." 

"So... you... are...." Raf stretches out his words looking for one of his notes on his table, "your mother's primary caretaker, is that right?"

"Well, there's no one else." Heather shrugged.

"You feed her, you bathe her, you wash her hair?" Raf liked his bottom lip as he looked through the notes on the table.

"Relevance?" Altshuler looked at him confused and not amused.

"It'll become clear." Raf picked up the page he wanted with a small smile he quickly dropped as he turned towards Altshuler

 "Proceed." The judge nodded.

"Do you wash your mother's hair, Ms.Parcell?" Raf turned to look at her again.

"Yes." Heather answered.

"What shampoo do you use?"

"Oh, come on." Altshuler raised his hands slightly.

"It will help to establish - intent, Your Honor." Raf addresses and barely spared a glance as the judge allowed it.

"Overruled."

"I use Blue Glacier shampoo." Heather answered with a small pause.

"Who's Blimpie-89, Ms.Parcell?" Raf looked at the paper in his hands, then back to heather.

"It's me on Reddit. A name that I sometimes use." 

"I'd like to introduce into evidence exhibit 24B." Raf gave Altshuler and the judge each a page and brought up the post on the screen for heather, "please read this Reddit post."

"Who the hell likes Blue Glacier shampoo, and why would they use a disgusting bitch like Katy Miller to sell their crap?" Heather struggled to read it.

"You posted that on Reddit at 9:48 p.m. on November 6th, is that right?" Raf looked to heather from his spot by the screen.

"I guess."

 "How many Instagram followers do you have?" Raf asked and then looked at her expectantly when she didn't answer after a few seconds.

"I don't know."

"Ms. Miller has over 200,000. The Monster has 5 million. How many Instagram followers do you have?" He left a small pause between each sentence, looking at her with the smallest bit of pity.

I one what was about to come and I hated to watch it. You couldn't help but feel bad.

"I don't know." She spoke softly before looking back to him.

"You have six. Sound about right?" 

"I guess." She shook her head, voice deflated to the point you expect to see tears.

Everyone watched and I swore many tried to not look so sick. They didn't even now what was about to come and they felt bad.

"It isn't fair." He shook his head and let that small pity on his face show as he walked over to her again on the stand, "He beats people up for a living. She posts sexy photos of herself holding shampoo. They're both famous. They both have lots of friends. You resent them both, don't you, Heather?"

Heather looks at raf like he understands, and I felt my stomach turn. She wasn't getting it yet, she just felt like a victim. She didn't do this bad deed because she wasn't physical there. She sent a few texts and she saw it as a game.

"You work so hard to take care of your mom, and nobody cares. Nobody gives a damn what you have to say about anything." Raf had a small moment looking at the girl, you seen how he almost wanted to cry.

**_This has to happen. She needs to understand._ **

"I never meant to hurt Andy." She shook her head.

"What about Katy?"

"She's from Pensacola. It's not much bigger than Maysville." She tried to reason.

"She posts near-naked photos of herself, and they make her rich." Raf delivered as he walked back towards his table.

I seen katy take a deep breath and eyes start to water. I patted her knee and closed my eyes for a moment.

"And I have to rub Mama's feet." 

"And you wanted to get even." I opened my eyes to see raf was looking at her again.

"It's not fair!" Heather shouted with tears starting, "She gets paid to take a shower, and I have to change Mama's poop bag? She deserves what she got!" 

The room went quiet, everyone adjusting to this. Heather wasn't so sweet and innocent like she was made out to be. Helping her mom had made her into a monster, she resented everyone that had a better, easier life.

"It's not fair." Heather repeated softer, "i'm sorry."

The judge sent the jury to deliberate. It was only a few minutes, just long enough for me to give raf a kiss. The squad told him good job and we were in there to hear the verdict.

"Has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?" Judge

"We have, Your Honor. " Forewoman, "In the matter of the People of New York versus Heather Parcell on the charge of Rape in the First Degree, we find the defendant guilty.

With the trial over, I walked out into the hallway with the squad. We made it to the elevator when raf caught my arm, a smile on his face.

"Seven good?"

"Seven?" I raised my brow then got it,  _ **Elope.**_

"I have a friend willing to help out, he'll do the whole thing in his office." He smiled, "I have the rings, let's get married."

"Sounds perfect." I chuckled and kissed his cheek, "you guys wanna join us?"

"Wait, your eloping?" Fin looked over, "and it took you almost a year to figure it out."

"Yeah, no good date to pick so we just went with it." I smiled.

"Yeah I'll be there." Carisi smiled and Liv nodded, "I'll see if Sheila wants Noah for a few more hours."

"Jesse will be good with Kim a little while longer." Amanda looked at fin who caved, nodding as raf kissed me.

"See you soon then corazon." He walked the other way as I left with the squad.

* * *

 I stood in the hallway with Carisi, everyone dressed casually except me and raf. He was on his way with Liv as I walked up to fin and Amanda. They took in the dress, I wasn't overly done up but I sure was catching everyone's eyes as I stood there. A soft white chiffon and lace dress sat perfectly on my body. The over lace was short in the front but hung lower in the back. It was was three-fourth lace sleeves and a low cut, plunging v-neckline. A vivid bright red silk ribbon was tied around my waist and left in a small bow in the back. A small lining of red ribbon tracing the bottom of the dress skirt, three perfectly spaced a inch apart. My favorite shoes, nothing less for this moment as I curled my hair softly. I stood by the door, waiting as usual for the love of my life.

"Beautiful (y/n)." Amanda stood stunned.

"I wish my wife looked half as nice as that when I got married," fin added.

"You clean up good partner." Carisi chuckled, "where's Liv and Barba?"

"Probably still working." I mumble as they laugh.

We we're left waiting for several minutes till my phone buzzed and I see the text from Rafael. I frowned and tipped my head back as I looked at my squad.

"Change of plans, we are going to the courtroom because he is to busy working to stop for a quick elopement." I glared and turned around as everyone smiled.

"Late to his own five second wedding." Carisi mumbled.

"Wait till you two go on a raking retreat." Fin smirked as I flipped him off for a second as we made our way to the court room.

I stopped at the door and took a deep breath, slowly fin pulled the door open and I stepped in to find them by the bench. Liv off to the side in the jury box where the rest of the squad went, judge Elana Barth stood up by raf with a small smile on her face. The first case I witnessed was with her ruling, I first met raf as he was walking out of court with Liv and I was trying to tell her about new evidence.... It was even this courtroom.

"Are you coming over here or am I being stood up?" Raf smiled as I shook my head.

"You are late to everything else, you can wait a few minutes at our wedding." I smiled and walked up and looked at the judge, "isn't this below your pay raise?"

"I owe the councilor a favor, legally I have the power." She shrugged, "family is something important, I'm honored to help you."

"Ok then," I turned towards raf, "what happened to your mom? Can't start without Mami."

He chuckled softly, "Mami couldn't make it but wanted me to say 'welcome to the family' and how much she disapproves of us eloping... With or without her."

"Oh yay, that's the best way to start a marriage." I frowned with my sarcasm.

"They have camera's for a reason." He smirked as everyone giggled.

"Oh how lovely," I chuckled, "I'm ready."

He smiled at me, everyone sitting in the jury box watching as we stood center of courtroom. I waited, raf reached out and took my hands as we stood there, looking into each other's eyes. Judge Barth jumped right to it, waisting no time.

"Thank you everyone for coming. Our dear friends, Rafael and (y/n), are standing here before us ready to take their vows of marriage." She started as I took a deep breath, "I am giving a brief version of the vowels and will let you both speak now."

Raf let go of my hands and cleared his throat, "I know I'm always late, even before this was a relationship. I say the wrong things often with you but I know you understand me anyways.... Most importantly, I love you. More than I love this job and more than you'll ever understand. You convinced me to let you move in, to get a dog, to make me act nicer when you and the squad come to me needing something. More than words, more than I can understand."

I smiled and struggled to find words, "I love you Rafael. We might not be the most normal or... Or fitting couple. For many reasons. But I can't say I regretted anything. Not meeting you in this court room, in that bar, or finally admitting it out loud. And definitely not standing here with you, making this law binding."

Barth nodded and gave a moment before moving on, "if you will now present the rings."

Raf pulled the small box out and let me take his ring and he took mine, tucking the box back into his pocket. We both looked at the judge as she moved on to the last part, jumping to the big finale.

"Let these rings be a sign that your love has a past, a present, and a future.

"Rafael take (y/n)’s ring and place it on her finger and repeat after me," she waited til he lifted the ring and slid it on my finger, "I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you to be my wife, my partner, and my best friend to the end of my days."

"(Y/n), I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you to be my wife, my partner, and my best friend to the end of my days." Rafael repeated her words as he stared me down and place the ring firmly on my finger.

"(Y/n), please take Rafael’s ring and place it on his finger and repeat after me," she waited again till I had the ring about to slip on his finger, "I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you to be my husband, my partner, and my best friend to the end of my days."

"Rafael, I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you to be my husband, my partner, and my best friend to the end of my days." I slipped the ring in place without even looking down at his hands.

"Rafael and (y/n), we have heard your promise to share your lives in marriage. In the honesty and sincerity of what you have said and done here today, and in accordance with the laws of the state of New York, it is my honor and delight to declare you henceforth to be husband and wife." She stepped back, "You may seal your vows with a kiss."

"You may now kiss the bride raf," I whispered as he pulled me into the kiss I had been waiting forever for.

He tugged me close, arms holding me in place and mine holding me to him more so. The clapping and cheering made me smile, a small crack of laughter after he finally let me pull back. 

"First drinks on me, are you in." He said it out loud to invite everyone.

"One drink can't hurt." Amanda spoke up as they all came down to walk with us the short way to the bar.

Raf stopped at the door and thanked Barth once again as I chuckled and tugged his hand. We made it to the bar and had a drink in everyone's hand as they each gave a toast to me and raf, the happy couple. We both smiled and almost cuddled up to each other the whole night as we drank. **_Who knew eloping could still be so romantic._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, hope you enjoyed the story.


	7. Pathological, combative ,and Gravidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very hard case tests the morals of the team. You and Rafael struggle with a medical issue close to home.

It has only been fifteen days since me and Rafael got married. Fifteen days of constantly correcting myself at work because I'm detective Barba now, I took his name. As I sat on my favorite chair, feet under me as if I was squatting as I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head on my knees. I stared at Heero and he stared back, his fuzzy body laying spread out across the hard wood floors. 

"Don't give me that look." I narrowed my eyes at the pooch.

He raised his head and huffed.

"I'm going to work, I can't miss it." I stretched one leg out and slowly stood up, pulling a jacket on.

He watched me, rolling over with his belly in the air as I finally got to the door.

"Procrastinating, procrastinating.... God your an idiot." I stepped out and went to work.

It was only fifteen days into a marriage with the man of my dreams, and I was feeling sick. Literally sick. I had a small fever and got light headed first thing in the morning. The small Hypochondriac in me was telling me to miss work and get it checked out, the rational side told me to go to work and fake being ok till it works. Besides, I haven't told Raf yet and I didn't want him to find me skipping work. With the odds stacked against me, I went into SVU and sat at my desk.... Reminding myself I am an adult and I have responsibilities.  _ **Stupid responsibility.**_

As I raised my head, my work husband set down a cup of water, "you look like crap."

"Funny, I feel like shit." I raised my head and took a sip, "just a little cold or something. I don't want to miss work so a doctor can tell me to wash my hands and take drugs."

"Ok, you are not riding with me." He pointed over as I glared.

"Oh come on."

"Carisi, (l/n)..." Fin stopped and looked at me, "Barba. I am not going to get use to calling you Barba. We can't have two barbas."

"If this one doesn't see a doctor there will only be one." Carisi whispered and I threw a ball of paper at him, "not funny."

"Ok, I need you two at the Delacorte school. The school called in sexual contact between two student that might be rape."

"Let's go dude." I stood up and stopped when Carisi sighed, "one more sick joke and you'll being riding on the outside of the car."

"Two weeks married to Barba and she's already broken." Amanda smirked and I threw a ball of paper at her too.

We got to the school, Carisi went to speak with Cody and his dad and I sat down with Mariel. She looked worried, I just wanted to comfort her.

"Hi Mariel right?" She nodded, "I'm detective (y/n) Barba."

"Hi." She gave a small smile.

"So your teacher told me you were alone with a boy. Is that true?"

"Yeah Cody." She looked down and played with her shirt hem.

"Do you like Cody?"

She nodded, "He likes the little mermaid too. Just like me."

"You like the little mermaid? I love that movie." I smiled, "my parents said I use to beg to go to the beach and try to find mermaids. I always said I wanted to find a merman to make me a princess."

"Did you?" She looked up.

"No, but I did find a prince kinda. He's no Eric but he does treat me like Ariel." I winked, "He actually works with me. He's a lawyer. So I find the bad guys and he gets them locked up."

She smiled faintly before nodding and asking the question I was waiting for, "Am I in trouble?"

"Oh, no, honey. I just need to figure out what happened between you and Cody." I gave a reassuring smile.

"Oh, my God, Mariel." A blonde woman rushed in almost hyperventilating.

_**Must be mommy.** _

"Detective Barba, SVU." I stood up and turned to her.

"You called the police?" The Mom turned to the teacher.

"We had to, Mrs. McLaughlin." The lady replied.

Mom exhales and turned back to her daughter, "Mariel, are you all right? What happened?" 

"Mommy, Cody raped me." Mariel said calmly.

I was a little shocked at how calm she seemed, but my main goal was calming her mom down. 

"Oh, my God, sweetie." She started.

"Okay." I rested a hand on her shoulder, "I need to talk to your daughter."

I calmed the mother down, getting her to sit down and not wheel Mariel out. I moved forward with the questions. Carefully to make sure she didn't freak out and still take Mariel. Luckily all she did was stand by the door and interrupt.

"Cody helped me out of my chair. I can walk, but it's hard for me." Mariel explained as I sat directly in front of her.

"She has muscle weakness, atrophy." I hear Dawn answer behind me without prompting.

"Oh, I see." I turn to look towards he and nodded, raising my hand as a gesture of  stop, "Mariel, then what happened?"

"I took my sweater off. We took our pants off." Mariel looked at me, explaining well.

"Mariel, you said you were raped. Did Cody force you to do something that you didn't want to?" I leaned in.

"No, we're in love. We're getting married." She quickly addressed, and it started to click in my head.

"What?" Dawn looked confused.

"Sorry, do you know what rape means, Mariel?" I raised a brow after stopping Dawn from getting to close.

"Yes, when a boy puts his penis on your vagina." Mariel looked between me and her mom, her mom looked a little less horrified, "I heard one of the aides talking about it." 

"And that's what Cody did?" 

"Yes." Mariel nodded.

"Okay, and did you say no, or that you didn't want it?" 

"No. I liked it. Like we were real grown-ups." She had a soft smile before mommy still stepped in.

 "Mariel, honey." Dawn started and patted her leg,"Um, give us a minute, okay?"

She motioned me over by the door, and I went but Dawn didn't make it but a few steps before she started speaking, "Can I just... I don't know what's going on, but I should get my daughter home. She's-she's not well, she has anxiety issues."

"Well, I understand, but we need to get Mariel to a hospital." I started the speech to get the rape kit.

"A hospital?"

"Yeah, for a rape kit. She needs to be tested for STDs, just to make sure she's okay." 

"We'll go to her pediatrician." She quickly replied.

"And you're more than welcome to call her doctor, of course, but she really needs to be seen by somebody with experience in these kinds of cases, okay? Mariel." I got her moving with her mom being very Shakey, but she did go to the hospital.

* * *

I was worried about Mariel, something was off about her mom. I called Carisi to cover for me, walking up to Liv's door and knocking. I held the file in my hand, I knew something was wrong but I needed a second set of eyes that was objective. She opened the door and let me in, smiling as I seen Noah.

"Hi." She smiled surprised.

 "Hey, sorry." I put on a smile as she let me in, "I hope this isn't a bad time."

"No, come on in." She shut the door, "I'm just getting beat at cards again."

"Hi (y/n)!" Noah smiled, "where's uncle Rafa?"

"Still working," I made a face and he laughed.

"Like mommy does." He looked over and Liv chuckled and shook her head.

"Get change for bed Noah."

I looked at him as he got up, "hey, give Eddie a hug for me?"

"Only if you give uncle Rafa one for me."

Noah ran off to his room and I looked over, "sorry to get you in trouble."

"It's fine. Not like he doesn't say it already." She motioned for me to sit down.

"He seems good." 

"Yeah, he is. We're getting there." She sighed, "He still wants to sleep in the bed with me. And I'm letting him, so I don't know if that's for him or for me."

"I hear you." 

"So, you guys managing without me?" She smirked.

"Yeah and Fin loves being in charge, I can tell you that." I rolled my eyes as she laughed.

"Okay." She motioned to the file I my hand, "You got a file?"

"Yeah." I handed it over slowly, "I just wanted you to go over this. Just make sure we're not missing something."

"Okay." She opened it up and skimmed through it, "15, 19, both have disabilities."

I nodded and she went on, "She's in a wheelchair?"

"Yeah, but she's not paralyzed." I scratched my neck, "And the rape kit came back negative for trauma, semen. So whatever they did, it seems like it was consensual."

"What does Barba say?" She looked over at my fidgeting.

"He doesn't want to pursue." I nodded.

"Okay." She sat the folder down, "But there's something else."

"Yeah. Yeah it's it's the girl's mother." I looked over at her, "You know Jesse had a fever last week And of course Amanda was concerned, but she didn't rush to the ER. And you know, I've seen you when Noah's sick....It's just I don't know." 

She nodded in understanding as I kept going, "Granted, this mother's been through a lot."

"But you think there's an issue." She finished.

I exhale, "I'm not sure. But I had Warner check Mariel's tox screen."

"Well, if she's incapacitated, then that's a different story." Liv took a drink of something from her coffee table.

"Yeah. Anyway, I'll find out." I stood up with her.

"Well, keep me posted. I mean, I'm supposed to be off-duty, but I'm just here playing cards." She smiled as feet came rushing our way.

"I'm ready for bed!" Noah tackled Liv.

"Wow, that was fast." She chuckled.

"All right, see ya guys." I waved and left.

"Say bye." Liv prompted and Noah waved as I stepped out and started to shut the door, "Bye-bye!"

* * *

 After talking to Liv, i went back to see Fin. He wasn't as sure about my actions as me, but he did come with me to see Melinda. I was resting all my cards in the hopes that Melinda found something in the tox screen that supported my idea. We walked in and the look on her face told me something was up.

"You made the right call, (y/n)." Melinda walked over to her desk with a folder in hand.

"So Mariel was drugged?" I asked wishing I was wrong.

"You could say that. She had half a pharmacy in her system."

"But she is sick." Fin interrupted.

"And a lot of these drugs make sense. Like the Valproate, for seizures."

"But?" I raised my brow.

"She also had a cocktail of others. Paxil, St. John's Wort, Ginko. And some of these have severe adverse interactions with the anti-seizure medication." Melinda explained.

"Could that just be an oversight?" Fin shifted.

"Not by any reputable professional. If this was purposeful, I'd say you're looking at medical malpractice. And possibly a case of child abuse." Melinda handed him the folder as I nodded and slowly looked to my Sargent. 

No words were need as I walked out the door with him in tow, I needed to talk to Dawn.

* * *

Fin sent Amanda along with me, a small check of their apartment and talking about the drugs Mariel was on. I let Amanda take the lead and sit with Dawn as she showed her a video. I looked around a little instead of watching.

"People have been so generous, " Dawn smiled, "Mariel loved Disney World." 

"She's lucky she's got so much support." Amanda smiled back.

I was looking over the shelves of photos, a dozen photos or more of her sick. Campaigns for her treatments and gifts that were given to her. I faintly heard Dawn speaking.

"People just respond to her, you know? How brave she is." Dawn smiled before quickly changing to a more confused look, trying to use her hands as she spoke, "Now, you said you were here about Cody?"

"Uh, yeah. We wanted to let you know that the ADA is not going to press charges." I turned around and walked back over to the table they were at just a few feet away.

"Oh Well, that's probably for the best." Dawn nodded but looked disappointed.

"Is it time for school? Why are they here?" Mariel wheels herself into the door way looking better then in the hospital, "Detective Barba?"

"Yeah, we're just talking to your mother." I smiled, "Are you feeling better, Mariel?" 

"She is, but we're going to take off another day from school." Dawn interrupted and walked over to her, feeling her head before kissing it, "Now you go rest, okay, honey?"

Mariel went back to her room, just through the door way when Dawn turned back to us, "She's having a reaction to the ketamine, I should really get back to her." 

"Well, actually, we have something else that we need to discuss. Mariel's meds." Amanda addressed as she stood up from her seat.

"I don't understand." Dawn frowned and looked between us.

"You know, they did a tox screen at the hospital, and our medical examiner found some issues." Amanda started and stopped for me to finish, "She's on Valproate?" 

"Yes, I told you, she has epilepsy." Dawn nodded.

"And she's also taking Ginko?" I watched her continue to nod.

"Mm-hm."

"Did you know the combination can induce seizures?" I asked, bringing my hands together both in fists to make sure she understood what I meant.

"I didn't." Dawn sounded surprised but her face said over acting to me.

"Yeah, so who recommended the supplements?" Amanda asked.

"Well, you know, I'm always looking for a new regimen. A new protocol. I do research online for alternative medicines and therapies. It's a full-time job. I'm a single mother. I must have missed something." Dawn stubbled through like she was making it up on the spot, I just hoped Rollins caught it too.

"So Mariel's father is not in the picture?" Amanda tipped her head.

"He left when she was six. He couldn't handle her illnesses." 

"I'm sure it can be overwhelming." Amanda offered up, stepping a little closer to show a little comfort and ease her into the idea, "Listen, we can get you some support or counseling."

"Thank you, but I'm fine. I'll call Dr. Levy, I'll have her make an adjustment to the medication." Dawn nodded and showed us out so she could tend to Mariel.

* * *

Amanda called Fin and he sent me to meet Carisi at the doctors office. I showed up a few minutes after him and we sat through as the doctor looked truly confused. She had recommended against some of the meds and promised us she would make some calls. I suggested road tripping to see the dad but sonny said he would take Amanda. I shrugged it off but he did tell me everything when they got back. So we went to fill fin in, waiting till he came over to our table so we could show him what we had.

 "So what are we looking at?" Fin stood beside where Amanda sat.

"Munchausen by Proxy." I answered from across the way.

"A mental illness where a parent makes up fake symptoms, or causes symptoms." Amanda explained.

"Medical child abuse." Sonny adds over fins shoulder as he walks a file to me from a box across the way.

"Isn't that usually with younger kids?" Fin looked for sonny to me.

"It usually is, yes..." I sighed.

"but Mariel's 15, that's a long time to go along with being sick." Fin pulled the empty chair out and sat down by Amanda.

"I'm positive that this is what we're looking at, Fin." Amanda starts in, I could finally see a little passion in her anger at the thought, "Multiple diagnoses from a dozen doctors that we know of, from six different states. 50 different medications, at least ten surgeries."

"Well, aren't these doctors to blame?" 

"No, because the mother is, She's a very smart liar. Master manipulator." I shook my head and pointed to Amanda.

"From one doctor to the next, she says that they've lost the records. So she fills in the blanks herself." Amanda addressed.

"And these doctors have no reason not to believe what she's been telling them." Sonny sat down beside me and turned to fin.

"So Dawn has been medicating Mariel. She's been making her own daughter sick. And she knows how to do it." Amanda adds a little more heated.

"She's been getting drugs from online or off the streets." I look over so we all were staring at our temporary leader.

"All right." Fin leans back, "Now it's time to call Liv, Barba, and Child Services."

* * *

Amanda and Carisi brought in Mariel and Dawn, I called Barba and fin called child services and Liv. I was going to go sit with Mariel when Fin stopped me. 

"(Y/n), stay here with me. Amanda has Mariel." 

I stopped and Amanda went to sit with Mariel, Carisi went to start talking to Dawn. Once they were out of Liv's office, I looked at Fin.

"Why am I out here? I have a great rapport with her." 

"I think your getting a little to close to the case." He gave it to me straight, but that didn't fix my anger.

"You can't be serious?"

Liv walked in and stopped when she felt the tension, "bad time?"

"Fin thinks I'm getting to close to the case." I looked over.

"We'll touch on that later ok, just sit this one out." Liv patted my back and I begrudgingly agreed.

She stood beside Fin watching Carisi. I sat down on the edge of her desk and bit the inside of my cheek. No use arguing now, fight to stay on later. Sonny and Amanda will back me up.

I heard the footsteps and looked over with the rest as Raf came in, "Aren't you supposed to be on leave?"

"I am, but I need to be here." Liv smiled.

"I get it." He nodded and looked at me sitting back and had a look like he wanted to say something, but he held back.

"We got enough for a case, Barba?" Fin asked.

"Based on the files you gave me, probably. I need a full medical and psych work-up on Mariel. And I need a court order for a full psych eval on Dawn."  Raf looked over.

"How about a confession?" 

"She's been getting away with this for 15 years." Raf shook his head, "She's good at covering her tracks."

"So she knows what she's doing is wrong?" Liv opened the door and we all looked at the window a moment.

Liv walked in with Sonny, Fin stepped out for a moment as Raf motioned. He shut the door and went to the other window to watch as Raf flipped of the speaker. He slowly looked over and nodded before turning to look at me. 

He put his back by the window and tips his head, "you ok?"

"Yeah." I sighed and tried to watch the interview from the corner of Liv's desk.

"Your a horrible liar," he smiled, "what's up?"

 "Fin said I'm getting to close to the case and wouldn't let me sit with Mariel." 

"That all?" He walked over and tipped his head to look on me.

"Yeah." I sighed, "that's all."

"It's probably nothing, just let it go and talk it out after ok?" He got me to look up, "but there is something I wanted to say."

I looked at him as he stopped right in front of me, my nose by chest.

"You feeling ok? I noticed you haven't been sleeping well and your drinking a lot of water and eating mostly crackers." He tipped his head down to me and I gave a half smile.

"Yeah... My stomach has been a little wishy-washy lately. But I'm good." I stood up slowly as he took a step back, "I promise. Ok?"

He nodded and turned back towards the window, I flipped the switch. Fin knocked on the door and stepped back in with us, we watched as Liv had a small slip up. All of us have the same look of she's not ready yet. Before they got to much farther in their interrogation, Dawn started calling out to Mariel and ran out of the room. Fin stopped her from getting close, me and raf stopping by the door as Liv and sonny helped fin. Unluckily, Mariel heard and was trying to walk to her mom.

I rushed over to help Rollins when Mariel got Shakey, then the seizure hit. She started shaking and I was trying to talk to her, make her fell safe as I held half her body and Amanda had the other half. Raf rushed over and held her head.

"You're ok Mariel, you're good." I was talking to her as Amanda screamed for a bus. 

Dawn was pulled to a cell as they rushed a medic over, "let me see my daughter!"

"We can't do that."

"Mariel! I need to help her!"

I focused on her, "you're ok." I smiled softly as her seizure was almost past and the medics came running over, "hold on Mariel."

* * *

  _ **Rafael's POV**_

> I went to see Liv at her home after getting done with arraignment and checking on the psych eval Dawn was going through. I was tired but needed a good ear for a moment, noticing how (y/n) has been acting off for a few days now. Luckily she opened the door and let me right in.
> 
> "What's he in for?" I asked with a nod as I walked by the make shift jail built around Eddy.
> 
> "Stealing all the ice cream." She picked up a few toys to put off to the side.
> 
> "I never trusted that elephant." I looked back at her as she patted my shoulder and moved by me to sit on the couch.
> 
> "So, what's happening with Dawn McLaughlin?" 
> 
> I sat my briefcase and coat down on the chair before sitting on the couch.
> 
> "Yeah, she was arraigned today." I sighed, "Charged with reckless endangerment.The judge ROR'd her, which was completely against my recommendation." I stressed as she looked at me.
> 
> "Rafael. Do you really think this woman belongs behind bars? She's mentally ill like..." Liv stopped and was struggling to find the words we both knew she didn't want to say.
> 
> "Like Sheila Porter?" I looked over.
> 
> "Noah keeps asking me to see her." She sighed and shrugged, "I don't know what to tell him. Just avoid the subject all together."
> 
> "Liv, you're going to get through this. You've gotten through a lot worse." I turn towards her and made sure she's listening.
> 
> "I know." She sighed, "how's (y/n)? She stopped by a few days ago but didn't stay long. She looked bothered."
> 
> "Yeah I don't know what's going on with her." I leaned back, "she's been acting weird. Carisi and Rollins were even telling me."
> 
> "Did you try talking?"
> 
> "She wouldn't." I gave a small nod, "I hope it's not regret. We did move a little fast."
> 
> "I doubt it's regret. She loves you." Liv was reaching over trying to clean the room a little as we talked, "I thought you two already discussed the whole baby thing and straightened out that Tiff."
> 
> "We did, that's why I don't know what this one is about. I know she is sick and has been late to work the past week... I just doubt she'll talk to me about any of it." I picked up a alligator stuffed animal and just shook my head, "so far marriage hasn't been so great."
> 
> "Maybe because you didn't have a honeymoon to be in the honey moon phase." She joked.
> 
> "I tried." I pointed at her, "she didn't want to take time off work and I wasn't going to take it without her."
> 
> "So we need to fire her for a few days so you two crazy kids can run away?" She smiled and I rolled my eyes.
> 
> "Probably. I married a female version of me.... Workaholic." I tossed the alligator over to the small crate of stuffed animals.
> 
> Her Phone buzzing pulled her attention, "It's Fin." She picked it up and answered, "Hey." 
> 
> I picked up a book left sitting out, looking at it for only a few seconds before Liv spoke again a little louder then before.
> 
> "What?" She was shocked and hung up a second later, looking to me, "Dawn just showed up at Mercy Hospital."
> 
> I gave a small annoyed huff and tossed the book down as I got up to grab my stuff. Liv was following me to the door but luckily she took my words of wisdom as I asked her to stay. I knew Amanda was at the hospital and you and Carisi were at the squad a short drive away.

* * *

Amanda just got back from the hospital, Dawn had showed up and ripped the IV out of Mariel. Raf took her back to arrangement and was going to call and give Amanda the verdict. She sat at the other set of desks, looking at me and the paper work I was told to catch up on. Sonny had went home and Fin went to see Liv, since she had put herself on this case partly. I felt a little shitty, being told to step back from the case. 

Amanda's phone rang and after a few minutes I could guess the verdict.

"Okay, Barba." She sighed, "Yeah, thanks."

She hung up and looked over. I raised my brow, not willing to ask.

"Dawn made bail, she's out again."

"What? How is that possible?" I leaned back frustrated.

"One of her supporters raised the cash through GoFundMe. She's not allowed within 100 feet of the hospital or Mariel. They GPS'd them both." She shrugged, "You know, what Dawn did to her daughter, she took away her childhood. It's unforgivable. But She's sick. I just, I can't wrap my head around that we want her punished."

"Listen, Rollins, why don't you go home and be with Jesse? I haven't forgotten that you have a kid too, you know?" I tried to persuade her, it's not like there was anything to do and I would be heading home in an hour.

"After what Liv went through, I'm fine." 

"Look, you're a single mom. You're a full-time cop. Your life is not easy." I got a look from that, "And it's okay to say that out loud every once in a while."

"And your a newlywed that never even got a honeymoon. You should go home and meet him at home. Relax. Stop focusing on this case."

"I'm background on the case remember? Got too involved." I looked back to the computer as she was about to argue again.

My phone buzzed and I frowned at the number, I didn't recognize it, "Barba."

I heard Mariel a little shakey on the other line, "Detective Barba? I-i-i..."

"What? Mariel?"

"I'm at my mom's.... I just..." She sounded off.

"Okay, you, uh... You just stay you stay where you are. Okay, we're on our way." I hung up and motioned Rollins to come along, "Mariel is at her mom's."

We rushed over and I opened the door, it was unlocked. I pushed it open and walked in with Rollins on my heels. Our eyes went wide as we seen Mariel sitting at the table, her mom on the floor covered in blood. Amanda rushed over trying to find a pulse, struggling.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"You're too late." She spoke monotone, "She's dead. I killed her."

Amanda called it in, I called her dad and texted Raf to get over here immediately. We got a bus for Mariel just in case and I stayed with her till the medics had her on the gurney and was rolling her out. I walked away as Raf came running over to me and Amanda.

"Hey, so Dawn was D.O.A. Murder weapon was a hammer, she got it from her dad's car." Amanda started.

"How did she get out of the hospital?" Raf looked at me.

"Her dad went to the cafeteria, the nurse on duty said there was a shift change. Mariel unhooked the IV from her arm, she slipped out." I turned around as a squad car pulled up carrying her dad.

We watched as he rushed over to Mariel being checked out by the ambulance, "Mariel! What happened?"

"Daddy I'm sorry. I had too." Mariel quickly spoke as he seen the handcuffs.

"You got her in handcuffs? She's fifteen for God's sake." He turned towards us beside his daughter.

We stopped closer to them, I decided to speak first, "she confessed to murder."

"Now that's not possible." He shook his head, "It was an accident or Dawn provoked her."

"That may be Mr. McLaughlin, but we need to hear that from her." Raf spoke up from behind me.

He held his daughter hand, riding along to the hospital to get a full check up. Raf turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey cariño, why don't you head home. Me and Amanda will take her statement when she is brought over to the squad room." He leaned in, "Estaré en casa en breve(I'll be home shortly)."

He started to repeat in english, "save your breath, I know that tone." I sighed and gave him a half hearted peck on the cheek, "see ya soon."

I walked over to the squad car that was about to leave, getting a ride back. Raf must've watched me leave, I knew he would say something about it later.

* * *

  _ **Rafael's POV**_

> Amanda and I walked into the interrogation room where Mariel and her dad was. They both looked over as Amanda sat down and I leaned on the table sitting down a notepad.
> 
> "Hey, this is our ADA Rafael Barba. He's the one that handled your mom's case." Amanda quickly introduced me.
> 
> "Barba? Like detective Barba?" Mariel looked over at me.
> 
> "Yes, she's my wife." I gave a short smile, wanting to hear it was self-defense so we could all go home till her arraignment in the morning.
> 
> "She's a nice cop. That's why I called her.... She said you were her prince Eric." She stopped as her dad interrupted.
> 
> "What are we doing here?"
> 
> "We just need her to tell us what happened." I looked at her, "In detail."
> 
> Mariel nodded and started in, but not on what we needed. She went into a small short focused speech on how she was feeling and how good it felt to be off the drugs.
> 
> "I felt so good. Energetic. Colors were brighter. I felt alive, like I was coming out of a fog." Mariel was eager to tell us that.
> 
> "You were detoxing from a lot of meds." Amanda explained.
> 
> "My whole life, I thought I was stupid. She did that to me, my own mother." She argued as I wrote some of this down on a note pad.
> 
> "Tell us what happened earlier." I looked at her from my standing position at the side of the table.
> 
> "You mean after she came to the hospital and tried to kill me?" Mariel looked over at me as I started to speak but didn't get a sound out before Amanda spoke.
> 
> "Listen, Mariel. That shouldn't have happened, and I'm very sorry. But you were safe there."
> 
> "How do you know? What if she came back and there was no one there to stop her?" Mariel turned to her quickly as they were directly across from each other.
> 
> "Is that why you went to your mother's apartment?" I leaned down a little, "To stop her?"
> 
> "I just wanted her to leave me alone. I thought if I brought a weapon, like that hammer, she'd listen to me." She was eager to explain as her dad started to look less sure.
> 
> "What happened after you got there?" I pushed.
> 
> "She tried to hug me. I wouldn't let her. She went to get my pills so I'd calm down, she said. I said I didn't need pills, to leave me alone." She blinked and shook her head as she spoke, her energy was definitely back.
> 
> "Then what happened?" Amanda asked as Mariel turned to her.
> 
> "She said I was her daughter forever. That I'd always need her to take care of me." She paused and tipped her head a little as she almost begrudgingly finished, "So I hit her with the hammer." 
> 
> I stood up immediately as realization hit everyone in the room, "Was your mother... trying to hurt you? Was she threatening you?"
> 
> "I just knew she was never going to let me go. I had to." She defended.
> 
> "But was she coming at you?" Amanda jumped in, "Mariel, were-were you..."
> 
> "Don't you get it? I felt good. I was in control for once. Not her." 
> 
> "Mariel, stop talking." Her dad quickly turned to me, "My daughter was brutalized. And whatever happened, Dawn deserved it. You see that, right? I mean, you can let her go now."
> 
> "I'm sorry, I can't do that." I gave just a small shake of my head without losing eye contact with him.
> 
> "Well, I'm calling a lawyer." He replied.
> 
> "I think you should." I added and pulled Amanda out of the room while they got a lawyer.

* * *

I heard the door, raf finally getting home. Instead of moving from the bed where I laid still dressed on top of the sheets, I waited for him to come to me. I knew what would be coming. So I laid still as he walked further in the home and shouted for me.

"Cariño." He paused, "baby are you up?"

No reply as he walked through the door way, "not talking to me? Come on (y/n)."

"I think we talked enough earlier. I'm just tired."

"Really." He raised a brow as his sarcasm filled the room, "why can't we talk this out?"

"You agreed with them." I said casually as he nodded.

"You're right. I am... I think your to close to this." He shrugged, "you aren't acting like yourself here lately and now your overly involved in this case. Que pasa?(What's up?)"

"What's up? I am just trying to do my job." I sat up stared him down, "I seen the case when no one else did. I did the footwork and convinced Warner to look over the tox screen because I could feel it. We got a case because of me and everyone is acting like I should step back and let them handle it."

"No one said that." He sighed, "You are just to attached to Mariel. She isn't so innocent and I think you might have blinders."

"Seriously?!" 

"Yes. (Y/n), Mariel killed her mom. In interrogation she basically admitted to it. She felt trapped by her mom and killed her because she knew, just knew she wouldn't leave her alone. She went there with intent."

"I don't want to fight about this right now." I pulled the blankets up to cover my face.

"Fine, let's talk about you." He sighed, "are you feeling ok? Your not looking that great."

I fell back against the bed and rolled to face away, not a word.

"Are you under the weather? Carisi said you weren't looking to good. The squad is worried about you." He sat down on his side of the bed, "I know you've been late to work lately, but I also know you've been throwing up in the mornings. I'm worried.... Are you sick or is something wrong?"

"I'm fine. I am perfectly fine I'm just tired of everyone thinking I'm not!" I snapped.

I don't know why I was so angry, usually this wouldn't phase me. Being told I'm getting to close would hurt but I could brush it off. Directing anger at raf wasn't logical, it was stupid and you would never get this angry about it. You wouldn't snap at him, wouldn't pout like a toddler in your bed.... This wasn't right.  _ **Something isn't right. I feel wrong.**_ Raf bit his lip and nodded as he rubbed the back of his head. I wanted to apologize, but couldn't find the words or strength to. I closed my eyes and curled up on my side facing away, tears sparking in my eyes.

"Ok... I'll just sleep on the couch." He took his pillow and walked out of the room as Heero huffed.

Before I knew it he left too, going to sleep with raf because I couldn't let him in the bed. I wanted him here, to say sorry... But my body wouldn't. Sleep didn't come easy, I didn't expect it to. I didn't expect court to be any better.

* * *

 The morning wasn't easy, raf kissed me and said he loved me but it felt a little more of habit at the moment. He got dressed and went to work, I followed suit but with a small pitstop. I slipped into a Bodega and bought a pregnancy test. Hiding it in the bathroom before racing to court. I get there just in time, slipping in and sitting beside Amanda and sonny.

"Cause of death was blunt force trauma.The wound is consistent with having been hit from behind.The first blow caused her to fall to the floor." Melinda sat on the stand and explained.

"Was she unconscious?" Raf asked, holding the small remote to the tv looking at her.

"Not necessarily. Knocking someone out is harder than you think. And she was clutching her head with both hands." She moved both hands by her head to give a better understanding of what she meant.

"Was she incapacitated?" Raf walked over to the jury, fiddling with the remote with looking or hitting a button.

"I would say absolutely." 

"How many blows did the defendant strike after her mother was incapacitated, - clutching her head?" He asked and looked at the jury as he did so, drawing them in.

"Three."

"How did you determine that?" He turned towards her.

"From the cast-off." He lifted his hand and clicked to show the photos as she spoke, "Stripes of blood on the wall. There were three."

"When the hammer was pulled back, blood spattered onto the wall, forming a line pattern." She moved her hand back to show how the splatter would make the line pattern.

"Thank you." 

Raf sat down as Mariel's lawyer got up, her hand on her remote to immediately turn the TV off. I watched Raf sit and unbutton his bottom button to keep a pristine jacket.

"Dr. Warner, you evaluated a tox screen done on Mariel as part of a rape kit several weeks ago." She asked.

"Yes." Melinda nodded.

"And you found multiple counteractive medications and supplements."

"That's right." Melinda replied.

"Side effects include a higher risk of seizure, confusion, lack of judgment." 

"Yes, but at the time of the murder, she had detoxed for several days." She addressed and looked at the jury as she spoke.  _ **Good job doc.**_

"Have you ever seen a case of Munchausen by Proxy like this? With 15 years of prescription abuse?"

"No, I haven't." 

"So you don't know the effects that this type of long-term abuse could have, or how long it might take to fully detox." Her lawyer asked and I caught raf glancing over at Mariel sitting rather uncomfortably at the defense table. 

"No." Melinda had to admit.

"Thank you." She turned back to her seat and glanced at raf as he fidgeted.

"Redirect, Your Honor." He stood back up and ran a hand over his tie before rebuttoning the top button on the jacket and giving a short tug. **Worry** _ **less about your looks raf.**_  "Dr. Warner. From the position of the body, the number of blows, the blood spatter. In your opinion, is this consistent with self-defense?"

"Not likely, no."

"People rest." Raf sat back down and looked at his opponent.

"Ms. Miglani?" Judge Barth asked.

"We call Dr. Elizabeth Olivet."

It took only a few minutes to get her on the stand and sworn in, I took that time to look at sonny. He patted my arm, my sign that everything was good since I have been more or less shakey here lately to my squad.

"Dr. Olivet, you examined Mariel 48 hours after she was informed her mother had been diagnosed with Munchausen by Proxy. Is that right?"

"Yes." Olivet nodded.

"So after she found out that her mother had force-fed her medications, subjected her to multiple and painful unnecessary medical treatments and surgeries, had in effect, destroyed her childhood."

"Yes." She replied again.

"Did you find she was suffering from PTSD, mood imbalances, dissociation?" 

"Yes, but that didn't alter my conclusion that Mariel knew right from wrong. She was aware of the consequences of her actions." She delivered perfectly and I seen raf giving a small nod at the minor win in that statement alone.

"Wasn't she terrified of her mother? Afraid she'd never escape her control?" 

"She expressed some of those feelings, yes. But she also expressed extreme anger and rage at her mother." 

"Defense exhibit D." Ms. Miglani handed Barth a set of papers and raf found his in his folder, "A copy of the DSM-5 and articles on Munchausen by Proxy that Mariel had Googled that day. Can you read the highlighted section?"

"Despite the number of cases of Munchausen by Proxy, that have been evaluated and treated, there is little research on effective treatment." 

"And this, defense exhibit E." She hands a paper to Olivet

"The state of New York sentencing guidelines for reckless endangerment."

"The crime that Mariel's mother had been charged with.I've highlighted the minimum sentence, which is?"

"One year."

"So after Mariel found out that there is no treatment for Munchausen's. After finding out the sentence could be as minimal as one year. A few hours after her mother had violated an order of protection and tried to pull out her IV. Is it possible that Mariel lost faith in the system to protect her, and felt her only option was to defend herself? To save her own life?" She asked as she looked to the jury and laid it in thick.

"It's possible, yes."

"Nothing further." 

"Mr. Barba." Barth looked to him.

"No questions, Your Honor." Raf shut the folder and looked down.

The courtroom was done for the day, I was ready to go home since I couldn't help. We were short on other cases at the moment and everyone seemed to act like I wasn't good for this one. So I went home.

* * *

 I sat in the living room cuddling Heero as raf came in. I was already in a nightgown that was a  little short and his favorite Lacey  panties that made me look delicious. He walked over and I had to start.

"Hi Rafi." I smiled, "what did you find on the case?"

"Nothing much. It was very premeditated and she watched the little mermaid several times."

"The little mermaid?" I turned to see him better, "how many times?"

"Seven and Rollins and Carisi already filled me in. Cody and her idea of her being the mermaid." He shook his head.

"Ariel." I sighed, "it's Ariel."

"Which reminds me, you told Mariel I was Eric?"

"I was trying to bond, to create a connection and she really liked the little mermaid. I luckily remembered the story." I scratched Heero's chin.

"Ok," he sat down beside me and turned to me, "while we are talking... How are you feeling?"

"Fine raf." I patted Heero's head and he got up so I could shift against raf.

"That's good, but can you go see the doctor for me? Just to double check." He kissed my forehead.

"Yeah... I'll call tomorrow." I squeezed his side, "sorry about last night."

"It's fine." He gave a small smile, "you could make it up to me by sleeping in the same bed with me."

I seen the tease and raised him, "I don't know, how about we sleep on the couch because I'm lazy and don't want to move."

He chuckled, "well then, let me fix that."

Before I could process, raf lifted me up and carried me to the bed. His hands holding my shoulders, his crotch by my face as I giggled before nosing his erection. His groan was more then enough motivation to tug his pants down. One hand tugging him and the other fondling his balls. My tongue darted out to lick his tip, tracing a small line up and down until he pulled back.

"Stop teasing." He looked at me and repeated in a small growl with his native tongue, "Deja de molestar."

When raf took full control of sex, I was garaunteed a good night. I pouted and batted my eye lashes as he gave a few pumps before addressing me.

"Tongue out. Sit on your hands." He ordered and rested his head on my tongue, followed by pressing it to my upper lip, "open."

I opened up and moaned softly, his cock filling my mouth easily and withdrawing just as easy. His balls resting against my chin and bouncing off gently with each push in he gave. He repeated a few times then rested the full weight of his meat on my tongue.

"Good girl," he cooed and stroked my hair, "Make papi hard and he'll give you a treat."

I took him in, swirling my tongue around him. I twisted my head and bobbed gently. Swallowing a few times when I took three fourth of him in, working all of him in even if it meant a slightly sore throat tomorrow. His groans and moans spurred me on, and with my hands still under my lap, I fellated him until he couldn't take it. He pulled out and held himself, his visible pulse racing. He bent down and pushed my legs apart, kissing up my bare thighs to the panty line. I sat as still as possible, his thick digit slipping under and pulling them down til his teeth could pull them the rest of the way off. Seeing raf fully dressed with my panties in his mouth sent a wave of arousal through me, I bucked and he swatted my knee.

"Don't move. Be good for me or I'll take back your treat." 

I waited, he leaned me back just a little so I could still see his every move. His lips found mine, and he kissed them smoothly and slipped his tongue in to prod my clitoris. I struggled to stay still, he was being way to easy and casual about this for my body not to get aroused. My hips raised up slightly, luckily he forgave it as it gave him a better position to start. He laces his arms under and around my legs, pulling me to his mouth and spreading me wide open. I couldn't pull away if I wanted to, he had me fixed to this spot as he gave me a swift tongue lashing before eating me like a starved man. His tongue flicking my leaking pearl, his teeth softly rolling my sensitive lips between them, the press of his tongue into my dripping hole. His nose would rub against my bud, tongue swiping between the front and the back as I gasped and tried to pull away. As expected he wasn't letting me go, only speeding up when I tried to pull back. I knew better, but he was getting me overly sensitive and I couldn't handle it.

"Papi, please." I panted and whined.

He just watched me struggling, a small smile on his lips as they played with mine.

"To m-m-m-much...oh God!" I went wide eye and threw my head back.

He pulled back but continued licking my bud.

"Ra-raf-f-f-f-f..." I was losing it, i was too close way too quick.

He dug his nails into my thighs, holding me firm as he continued.  _ **Papi. Have to use papi.... Raf only responds to papi when he gets like this.**_ I struggled a little, but he had the perfect grip. I was trying to remember the safe word but then again I didn't really want him to stop I just could take any more like this. 

"Papi... Fuck...i-i-i-i-i-i i-i-i c-c-c-can-n't t-t-t-ta-k-k-k-ke..." I lost my voice completely as a scream erupted and so did I. 

My hips shook and my legs gave out as he struggled to hold me with the sudden lost of support and juices covering his mouth and face. I remember what felt like a seizure and feeling way too light for a moment as he laid me down. I was panting and blinking off sleep, he sat back and just a glance of his soaked face made me whimper.

"That's new." He hummed and ran a finger over my lips now and I almost came again, "are you sensitive? Is it too much?"

I nod softly but whimper as I really wish he wouldn't stop.

"Can you take more? Or should I stop." He stood up as my legs started twitching again.

I couldn't speak with my throat dry, couldn't nod yes or no because I couldn't feel my body unless it was touched and then it would be to much pleasure and become pain. Closed my eyes and tried to find some small strength that left when I felt something against my lips. His head was leaking and my swollen lips were soaked. He slipped in effortlessly, watching me arch up against him and gasp out from my bone dry throat.

"Say the safe word and I stop." He reminded me, seated fully inside me.

I managed a small nod and he started to move and the body followed. I had no control of my own body, he was playing me like a fiddle and I fell in line to let him. I was stretched, overly full, and had absolutely no resistance left to give him friction seeing as he moved fast and held me still to do so. After four or five thrusts my body tried to squeeze but just gushed on him to make it even easier. Three more time like that and he filled me up like a puff pastry, letting it drip out of me as he leaned down to kiss me passionately. Unfortunately my mouth was hurting and I couldn't continue it.

"Hermosa. Tan bueno, tan bueno para mí." He repeated, "beautiful. So good, so so good for me." He purred and wiped himself up on the now stained sheet, "I love you."

I nodded and pushed out, "I love you." In the deepest rasp I ever heard... And it was my own voice.

"Go to sleep. Necesitas descansar ahora" He stroked my cheek before slipping into the bed beside me, holding me, "you need to rest now."

* * *

  _ **R**_ _ ** _afael's_ POV**_  

> I get up in the morning and rush off to court. I think I figured out my trick to slip her up, just enough to show she was wrong. Mariel was on the stand and (y/n) wasn't in the courtroom per Fin's request.
> 
> Ms. Miglani was up first with Mariel.
> 
> "My whole life, I wanted to be normal. Like a real girl, but I was always in the hospital. Sick, tired. Food didn't taste good. I had trouble using the bathroom. I couldn't walk. I couldn't think clearly." Mariel answered the question I had partially zoned out on.
> 
> "How do you feel now, Mariel?"
> 
> "I'm getting healthier. Stronger every day. I feel like I have hope." Mariel nodded.
> 
> "How did you react when you found out that your mother had made you ill?" She moved closer up to the stand as she still looked at the jury.
> 
>  "At first, I couldn't believe it. But then when I started to feel better, I realized it was true. I was sad, but I was with my dad, and mostly I didn't want to think about her anymore."
> 
> "Tell me about the day you went to your mother's apartment." She started to move back a little, focus more on the jury then Mariel.
> 
> "I was having a good day. I was up. Walking on my own. Then my mom came in, she was yelling. She tried to tear my IV out. The cops took her away."
> 
> "How did that make you feel?"
> 
> "Scared, like I'd never get away from her. So when my dad left the room I snuck out. I got a hammer from his truck. I went to my mom's apartment." 
> 
> "What did you intend to do?"
> 
> "To tell her to leave me alone."
> 
> "What happened?"
> 
> "I told her to stay away. She said that would never happen. That the jury would feel sorry for her and not put her in jail. That there was nothing I could do to keep her away from me." Mariel shook her head with disbelief as she spoke.
> 
> "Then what did you do?" 
> 
> "I must have swung the hammer. I just remember feeling so afraid. Like I'd never be free, ever."
> 
> "Thank you Mariel." Ms. Miglani sat down, "Nothing further."
> 
> I took a few seconds as she sat down to think, then I looked at Mariel and gave a small smile as I continued to play with my pen, "Hi, Mariel."
> 
> "Hi." She replied.
> 
> "I'm very sorry for what you've been through in your life, and the last thing I want to do is cause you more pain, but I have I have a few questions, okay?" I almost didn't want to look at her, I felt so bad having to do this.
> 
> "I understand."
> 
> "After your mother came to your hospital room, you decided to confront her."
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "From the timeline that was, uhmm..." I reached over and checked the file I had," was a few hours later, does that sound about right?" Raf
> 
> "I guess."
> 
> "Do you remember what you did during those two hours?" I leaned forward and slowly stood fixing my jacket, "Do you remember watching "The Little Mermaid" on the hospital computer?" 
> 
> "Objection, relevance." Ms. Miglani stood up.
> 
> "I'll get there, Your Honor." I looked to Barth who took a second before speaking, "I'll allow it."
> 
> "Yes, I did." Mariel nodded.
> 
> "Is that your favorite movie?"
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "You thought you were the Little Mermaid, and your friend Cody was Prince Eric?" 
> 
>  "Yes." 
> 
> "Mariel..." I started to walk around my table to stand in front of her, "Do you love Cody?"
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "What did your mother feel about that?" I looked at the jury for a moment before turning to Mariel.
> 
> "She said I was too sick to have a boyfriend. Too sick to get married." She looked pained, so I tried to push down my feelings and keep going.
> 
> "Your mother took you out of that school, didn't she?" 
> 
> "She said because of Cody. It's why the police came to the school, our house." She moving her head as she spoke as if sorting it out as I asked each question.
> 
> "Were you angry about that?"
> 
> "Objection." Ms. Miglani stood again.
> 
> "I'll allow it." Barth shot her down and she sat back down.
> 
> "She told me I'd never see Cody again. That I'd never get out of the wheelchair."
> 
> "You were angry that she stole your childhood, and she wouldn't let you grow up?" I came forward a little towards her as I seen her starting to crack.
> 
> "Ariel, in the movie, is mad at her father, but he let her get married. My mother was like Ursula, evil." Her voiced raised a little and the clear anger showed on her face as she spoke about her mom.
> 
> "You were angry she wouldn't let you be a real girl?" 
> 
> "I am a real girl! I'm not a mermaid. She was never going to let me." She was clearly agitated and started to use her hands more as she spoke.
> 
> "Never going to let you what?" I asked.
> 
> "Never going to let me." She almost yelled.
> 
> "All right." I started to turn back to my table.
> 
> "I hate her!" She yelled, I whipped back around and had my tongue pressed to my upper lip where it stopped midway through licking them,  "I hate her, I hate her!"
> 
> "Move to strike, non-responsive." Ms. Miglani stood up and looked shocked like the rest of the courtroom.
> 
> "I wanted her dead. I'm glad I did it, I'm not sorry." She screamed at me.
> 
> I stood there completely shocked at the admission. Everyone stared at her as the judge looked over to me and Ms. Miglani, no one knew what to say as the silence drew on.

* * *

 Raf came home and changed into more casual clothes. He came out and made a drink, the whole time I watched with heero from the couch. He finally looked over, clearly stressed.

"What's wrong honey?" I motioned him over and kissed his waist where my head rested and looked up to him.

"It's nothing." He shrugged it off.

I rolled my eyes but held him close, "so it involves Mariel's case."

"She cracked on the stand. She said she hated her mom and she isn't sorry." He sighed and ran a finger through my hair.

"You did your job, Rafael." 

"I also might have sent a horrifically abused teenager to prison." He closed his eyes and twirled my hair tight, letting it go and dropping down beside me on the couch.

"They could acquit, Or you could drop the charges." I laid my head on his lap and let Heero lay on my tummy.

"I drop the charges, that's tantamount to saying there's no rule of law. That the judicial system changes its mind. Makes exceptions on a whim." He took a sip before looking down at me as I spoke."Or for sympathetic defendants."

A moment passed in silence before he spoke, "Yeah, that's the jury's determination, not mine." He rolled his neck, earning a small crack and I sat up to rub his shoulders.

"Well, the law says she's guilty." I sighed, "But your heart says she's not."

"Sooooo.." he stretched out.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't know." He repeated and kissed my head, "nothing feels right."

I didn't push, I just let him go. He finished the drink and wrapped his arms around my waist. He just wanted silence, so I gave him it. I laid against his chest and fell asleep to his heart beat. I hoped he didn't stay up long, court wasn't over yet.

* * *

 

> _**Rafael's POV** _
> 
> I watched (y/n) sleep on my chest. Her eyes flickering and her nose twitching as she dreamed. I couldn't sleep because the moment I shut my eyes I was overwhelmed by this case again. It wasn't right what Mariel did but she was a horribly abused teenager that had been through so much because of this woman... I couldn't figure out what to do. It was late, three or four am when my eyes closed and a blanket thrown over us was enough for me to get a small nap at least.
> 
> Waking up, I shifted and moved her to the bed. Heero cuddled up to her as I got ready and went in early, I needed alone time to figure this out. I was finishing up my hair when I seen it, tucked behind her hair products and make up she rarely used was a small white stick. I picked it up and felt my heart skip a few beats and my stomach turn.
> 
> _**A pregnancy test? She is hiding a pregnancy test from me. It has to be positive or else she wouldn't of hid it.**_ I looked it over, looking at the plus sign and then I seen the second test hidden with this one. It clearly said pregnant. I put them back and rest my head against the glass.  ** _Pregnant. She's pregnant. (Y/n) is pregnant. Why didn't she tell me? Is she regretting it? Did something go wrong? How long has she been hiding this?_** I shut the drawer and walked out, kissing her head softly before running to work more confused then before.  _ **What am I going to do?**_
> 
> * * *
> 
> "I know it's been a very long run." I heard the elevator door bell ding and raced down the way to get to it in time. A phone to my ear speaking, "Hold the door, please. Thank you."
> 
> "Yeah, I'm heading back in now." I sighed and turned to face the doors, making sure not to look up, "Look, I don't want the girl to get life either, but that's the law."
> 
> I didn't even give myself time, I rushed the rest out as I realize just how bad this was, "I'm in the elevator, I got to go. Okay, thanks." 
> 
> I hung up the fake phone call and was slipping my phone into my coat when I heard her voice and looked over.
> 
> "Wait, the McLaughlin case?" I looked carefully over my shoulder to see the small group of jurors, "She could get life in prison?" 
> 
>  I bit my lip as I looked forward, "You're jurors on the case. I didn't realize you were here."
> 
> I was suddenly feeling really bad about this decision, but it wouldn't get better till after I walk into the court room and get a lecture from Barth. I walked in and seen the three jurors sitting to the side and Ms. Miglani there too. I stood and waited for this to end.
> 
>  "I would not have expected this from you, Mr. Barba." Barth glared at me.
> 
> "I apologize, Your Honor." I couldn't even look up at her.
> 
> "We can discuss how and why this happened after we adjourn. For now, Ms. Glazer, I need to confirm what happened. You three saw Mr. Barba this morning." She turned to the jurors from her spot on the bench.
> 
> "Yes, in the elevator." The juror that had spoke to me replied.
> 
> "And what did you overhear him say?"
> 
> "He said Mariel McLaughlin could get life in prison." She replied.
> 
> Barth glared at me again before continuing, "And you two overheard this as well?" 
> 
> "Yes, Your Honor." The other two answered.
> 
> "I have no choice. I hereby declare a mistrial." Barth turned back to me and Ms. Miglani.
> 
> "I'd like to apologize to the court, to Ms. McLaughlin, and to Ms. Miglani. And if defense council agrees, I'd ask for the case to be moved to family court." I slowly looked over to Ms. Miglani then to the judge.
> 
> "I can only hope this wasn't your intent in the first place. And if I find out it was, God help you. So waived, we're adjourned." Barth gave me a pointed look and I was sure the worse part wasn't over yet. "Mr. Barba, report to my chambers now." 
> 
> It had been a few hour since the court room and Barth ripping me a new one. I had just finished a meeting and was packing up the notes.
> 
> "See you guys at 3:00, thank you." I nodded to the lady that was taking over my case in family court.
> 
> "There you are." Liv walked in as they left.
> 
> I let out a small laugh, "What are you doing here?"
> 
> "I was in the building, checking in with Dodds. You know I got to come back to work eventually." She watched me slowly work, "You okay? I heard Judge Barth read you the riot act."
> 
> "I deserved it." I just looked at her.
> 
> "Well, whether you deserved it or not, I have absolute faith in your humanity." 
> 
> "The family court judge gave Mariel a three year sentence. Suspended to probation, community service. With the stipulation of regular mental health evaluations." I told her the good news, trying not to smile which was easy when all I had to do was think about what caused that verdict.
> 
> "So Justice was served." She nodded.
> 
> "Hope so." I sighed.
> 
> "How are you and (y/n)? you said she was acting weird before." She sat down in one of the chairs.
> 
> "Yeah, we're good." I looked down.
> 
> We chatted for a few minutes as I packed my stuff up. She walked me back to my office. After Liv was gone, I sat waiting a few minute in my quiet office trying to figure out what to do as I thought about the pregnancy test.  _ **I have to ask about it? Address it... Why hasn't she told me yet?**_ I nodded and went home, trying to find the courage to ask.

* * *

 Raf got home to find me curled up on the couch with a small mug of tea. I was in a pair of old holey sweats and one of his old Harvard hoodies. No tv, no radio, no book in hand. I was deep in thought, I didn't even hear him come in but I sure did jump.

"Cariño." He started to bend over to kiss my head when I tensed and dumped hot tea on my leg.

 "Shit!" I jumped up and started wiping my leg as he got the supplies to clean the mess. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it was sneaking up on you. I made enough noise walking in." He sighed, "estas bien?"

"English, Rafi English." I groaned, "this day has been the worse."

"You ok?" He frowned and kissed my head, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I've just been thinking and Fin gave me the day off..." I sighed and pulled the sweats off, "I'm sorry, you actually worked today. How was work?"

"I wouldn't be in much better a spot if I didn't work today." He smiled and squeezed my hand, "workaholics."

"So what are you saying? We work the rest of our lives so if we get frustrated it's over work and not important things?" I smiled, "not too bad but not the best." 

"If it works." He took my soaked pants and tossed them at the laundry closet.

"By the way, what happened with Mariel?"

"The family court judge gave Mariel a three year sentence. Suspended to probation, community service. With the stipulation of regular mental health evaluations." He brushed some hair from my face.

"Family court? How did that happen?" 

"Me. I might have accidentally got on the elevator with some jurors and said on my fake phone call she could get life... Barth want happy. Luckily I motioned to move it and she granted it." He sighed.

I kissed him and smiled, "I knew you had a heart."

He looked down, "yeah, yeah.... On the way to fair, justice sometimes miss right."

I kissed him, he pulled me in and held my waist.  _ **Thank you... Thank you Rafi. You did the right thing.**_ After a minute, he loosened his grip and looked at me.

"I hate fighting. I hate sleeping on the couch or being in the 'dog house'.... I want us to be able to communicate openly."

"I know Rafa." I took a deep breath, "I think we need to talk. But I would like to be wearing pants or laying in bed before we do."

He chuckled and watched me run back to grab a pair a pants, his sweats to be exact. He rolled his eyes, pouring himself a nightcap and starting on one for me.

"Night cap?" He asked.

"No thank you, I'll just get water so at least it can't burn me." I teased and sat down as he brought me a bottle and sat beside me to sip his scotch. 

"Cute. So what do we need to talk about?"

My stomach turned at the smell of the scotch, I leaned forward and grabbed the trash can quickly. His eyes went wide, I couldn't blame him. He took a deep breath as he held my hair back.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh..." He whispered by my ear, "it's ok, it's ok... Let it out."

"Raf, this is part of it." I whispered and wiped my face, "look in the box. Card too."

He left me to hold the can, watching carefully and looking towards the card and ribbon wrapped box. Then he surprised me, he took my hand and smiled.

"I know your pregnant (y/n)." He smiled, "I found the test the other morning. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"A couple reasons, since you were so gun ho on having kids I didn't want to just say it. I wanted it to be a little special." I sat the trash can down, "and going to the doctor to hear it alone wasn't ideal... Or telling Liv."

"You don't want pregnancy leave." He rolled his eyes.

"One day off work and I'm going crazy. I hate to see me on desk duty." 

He gave me a tight hug and a sweet kiss, "ok, we'll do it all together."

I smiled and shrugged, "are you gonna open it? At least the card. I spent all day looking for a good way to surprise you and make that stupid card." 

He picked up the box and card, opening the card first, "congratulations, your a soon to be DILF." 

He chuckled lightly and looked over confused, "what's a DILF? Do I even want to know?"

"It's a male MILF. So dad I like to fuck." I giggled when he got it, shaking his head as usual.

"I don't understand you sometimes. Maybe you are to young for me." He teased as he set the card down and started to open the box. 

"To late your stuck with me." I wiggled the ring in his face, "forever."

He was about to fire back when he lifted the lid and seen the positive test again. Only this test said pregnant clearly in the window. He stopped, a small grin on his face as he almost looked like he was going to tear up.

"I guess I am a DILF." He whispered and ran his finger over the small window displaying pregnant.

"You are. I just hope i won't get to fat or anything and that can continue." I rubbed my neck as he looked over.

"There is nothing you can do cariño that will make me not love you." He laughed and kissed me, "fat or not. I will always love you."

I teared up and he wiped them away, pulling me to hold tight as he held the test in the other hand. He calmed me down and went to bed, carrying me back and tucking me in with him. He rubbed my belly, kissing me and smiling like an idiot.

"I'll call the appointment in tomorrow, set up a chat with Liv, and we'll get this ready. I promise pregnancy leave won't be bad."

"Can it wait a week or two?" I squeaked.

"No." He laughed, "Quiero que mis bebés estén a salvo."

"English raf." I giggled as he rolled his eyes.

"Y le enseñaré español"

I poked him, "English."

"I want my babies to be safe." He laughed, "and I'll teach him or her Spanish."

He just smiled as I was lulled to sleep by his soothing touch. Raf stayed up half the night just rubbing my belly and talking to it quietly... I felt fearless. Why I was worried about so much, I felt safer then ever feeling him there. Knowing that I had him no matter what, that I married the right man. I couldn't of picked better.


	8. Undiscovered territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael gets into trouble and you feel the consequences in a very real way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did the episode justice, I haven't been able to proof read it die to crying every time I tried, so I apologize for the errors ahead of time. I really am sorry but hope you enjoyed the story.

 It has only been a little over a two month since finding out I am pregnant. Two months of desk duty, I wasn't going to last. As of the doctor check up yesterday, I'm seven months along and definitely not liking sitting on my ass all day at work. Liv spares me a little and let's me do interviews and some interrogations, I always get to sit in on trials. Everything was smooth, easy going. Then everything started to go down hill, all because of one little case. Baby Drew and the right to die.

Everything started with the passing of a very well known DA, Rafael of course brought me along and I had to find anything that would fit. But luckily we made it and I sat beside my sweet husband, struggling to hold my emotions in. I hardly knew the man but between the thought of death and my hormones, I was a little bit of a mess.

After the funeral, I went to SVU and was thrown head first into a missing infant case. The squad was on scene and Liv asked me to call and set up checkpoints. I went the extra mile and called out to sheepshead bay on the tip that they had a house out there. They would check it out for us and get back, sadly I was right. Everyone went up to help in the now hostage holding and I waited nervously by the phone. Liv talked the dad down and drew was back in the hospital while we were in interrogation. Just standing in the hall with Carisi and fin watching both parents talk, I felt sick for Rafi. I couldn't prosecute this, I knew he would be just as troubled.

While the mom talked about the custody battle and her husband was trying to allow drew to live and probably suffer, while the dad explained drew should have a life. Raf was being compassionate, listening to her. Seeing her pain and hearing how much suffering drew was in. Liv talked to the dad, pleading for his son's life. I turned away from the glass fighting the tears.

"Glad I'm not the judge." Fin looked over at me and sonny.

"Maybe I'll stay a cop." Sonny nodded and looked at me leaning between the two doors.

"This makes me sick." I frowned and held back the small drops the best I could.

"It's not right that a guy like that goes to prison." Liv stepped out and shut the door. Leaning against it beside me.

"Well, the law says it is." Sonny added.

"Sometimes the law sucks." Fin walked over towards him.

"I concur." Raf had stepped out and glanced at me before slowly walking closer to the group.

"You think we should lock him up?" Liv asked as everyone looked at him curiously.

He sighed and looked at Liv before slowly looking to the rest, "My dad always said he wasn't scared of being dead, he was scared of dying. That kid is dying every day. He's taking his folks with him."

Amanda told us Maggie wanted to talk to aaron, so we watched as they looked at each other and embraced the other. Crying and holding each other tight, both understanding why the other thought like that. I bit my lip and rubbed my arm over my face quickly while everyone was distracted, but one person still caught it.  _ **He always catches me crying.**_ His eyes went back to the window, and everyone felt the same heartbreak.

"Christ." Raf took a deep breath.

"Nobody's forcing you to prosecute." Liv looked over to him slowly.

_**If only... He will do it anyways.** _

"If I don't, I'm telling the world that baby Drew has no rights." He closed his eyes as he tried to convince himself the most.

"What about his right to die?" Amanda asked from her spot beside sonny. 

"Unfortunately, that's not in the Constitution." Sonny finished looking at Fin who was by the wall where I was watching it play out.

"Okay, uh," raf slowly brought himself back to reality, looking towards all of us as I started to wonder why he was so distracted looking at them, "let's find out if daddy's little excursion yesterday caused the baby any harm."

"So you can let Aaron go with a clear conscience." Liv asked.

He stood silent for a moment, letting out a small huff, "So I can prosecute, and maybe get some sleep in the next decade or so."

He walked away slowly as every watched. I couldn't just stand there, any longer or I would be balling my eyes out. I chased after him, catching him by the door.

"Raf wait," he turned towards my voice, "you ok?"

"Are you?" He frowned, "no one can be ok watching that."

"I meant, you looked a little spaced out back there for a moment or two." I was twittling my thumbs as he gave a small smile, he knew my nervous ticks well.

"It just reminds me of my dad."

"I thought you hated him?" I tipped my head and he shook his.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe we can talk later." He gave me a small peck on the check, "see you later beautiful.Y tu pequeño." 

I watched him go and slowly broke down the Spanish that raf was finally starting to teach me.  _ **And you little one... So sweet.**_

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

> I stood looking out the window, staring off with a scotch in hand. I was thinking about my dad, about baby drew... I was thinking about my wife and the baby she was carrying....
> 
> "We don't pay you to think, we pay you to work." McCoy walked in and motioned to my glass as I turned to see him, "Sure, I'll have one."
> 
> He walked to my chair and started to talk, "You know, I always wish the law was more like chemistry. You heat up water to 212 degrees, and the son of a bitch boils." 
> 
> He sat down and poured himself a glass. I gave a small huff of amusement, watching him for a second before looking back out the window.
> 
> "Sans bias, sans judgment." I spoke.
> 
> "Sans conscience." He finished, "So what's so interesting out that window?"
> 
> I took a sip and looked down at my glass, "My father..." I looked towards him and turned back, "Almost seven years ago, Dad went into a diabetic coma, and he was on life support for six weeks."
> 
> "Ah, I'm sorry." He replied like most would.
> 
> I just wasn't one of them because I knew him, turning to McCoy I stared him down, "No, don't be. He was not well-liked. By anyone. Especially me." 
> 
> I took a small breath and started slowly walking towards him, "Still, I was at the hospital every morning before work, and every night, until the nurses threw me out. The doctors said that there was nothing they could do for him. There was no brain activity. They highly recommended that we end it. And I said, No." I made this as clear as possible as I sat down. On the edge of my desk, "Where there's life, there's hope. I could've eased his suffering, but I didn't. And I told myself that it's because Father Mike wouldn't approve."
> 
> "I'm sure he wouldn't." 
> 
> "I was selfish. I hated the man." I looked at my drink a moment, I felt like a kid confessing his sins to the father... I turned back to him, "But still, I didn't want the burden of being the reason that he took his last breath. I was selfish. I let him suffer."
> 
> "Prosecute Aaron Householder." 
> 
> "For doing the same thing that I did to my dad?" I was a little stunned but I knew it was what he would say.
> 
> "The law is what the statute says it is."
> 
> "It's a shame." I couldn't look away now, I wanted him to agree with me... I needed a little approval, "No matter how hard we try, we can't legislate morality."
> 
> He leaned in towards were I sat on my desk, "We're not in the compassion business, Rafael." 
> 
> I was a little shocked, a conversation with McCoy has never been this blunt before. I nodded and put on my best fake grin, "Sure. Why not?"
> 
> I was walking back to my window, obviously I wasn't getting what I wanted only what I needed to hear. 
> 
> He finally finished his glass and got up to leave, "Cut a deal. Offer him probation. Go to church. Say three Hail Marys.Then come back here and finish off that bottle." He looked at me a second as I turned back to him, "or be smart and go home to your wife and unborn baby."
> 
> He left promptly after that, my eyes glued to his retreating form.  _ **That's my words of wisdom? Do my job and Go home.**_ I couldn't just go home. I wasn't ready to see my wife or talk to her about what's wrong. I know she'll ask and I can't tell her... She might not understand. I was sure I would never come close. So I did the only thing that felt right and also obeyed Jack's words.... I went to the hospital. I walked into the room, seeing Maggie alone watching drew as music played softly in the background. 
> 
> Taking a small breath, I started, "I thought Aaron would be here."
> 
> "Uh, he just went out for coffee." She sounded groggy.
> 
> I looked around the room, eyes landing on the beautiful flowers and the phone playing the music,  _ **Drew can't hear it. He can't see the flowers or even smell them...**_
> 
> "I love to just look at him." She sniffled, hiding her crying poorly or maybe I had just been around it to much lately.
> 
> "He's beautiful." I replied.
> 
> "Yeah. Yeah. He is." She stood up more from her slouched position on his crib, "We heard from the judge today. He's withholding his decision until a guardian ad litem can be appointed to represent Drew's interests."
> 
> She didn't sound pleased, I couldn't blame her. I also couldn't look at her, the guilt of my father still rushing over me.
> 
> "That can happen quickly."
> 
> "It won't." She drew my eyes back with that, "Nobody wants to make a decision. They all just pass the buck. Doctors ask us, we ask the judge, the judge waits for the guardian, and then Aaron will object, and we'll just keep on waiting. Meanwhile Drew lies here with a machine keeping him alive. Did I tell you he needs the ventilator to breathe now? For the rest of his life." She started to play with her necklace, staring at the poor boy that didn't even sound like he was living anymore.
> 
> "I'm sorry." I muffled up enough courage to approach her as I seen she was starting to break.
> 
> "God, if I could just," she sniffles, "know what was going on in there. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I I try to imagine not thinking. God. All he knows is pain." The damn broke and tears started down her face.
> 
> I walked closer to help her, "So wrong, Mr. Barba."
> 
> I looked around, anywhere but her in hopes of keeping control, "I'm going to offer Aaron probation."
> 
> "When I was five months pregnant, the doctors said that there was a good chance that he would be like this."
> 
> "Don't do this to yourself, Maggie." I shook my head as she kept going with the water works dripping off her face.
> 
> "Aaron, um, wanted me to get an abortion, and I was the one who said that we should take our chances. Wasn't I the brave one? What chance did I take? I did the righteous thing, and my baby has to do all of the suffering." 
> 
> "You should not judge yourself." I tried.
> 
> "Why the hell not?!" She yelled towards me, "He can't breathe without a machine. He can't eat without tubes. He can't see. He can't hear. And I could've prevented that, and I chose to be righteous."
> 
> She was sobbing as I put an arm around her for comfort and covered my own mouth as my emotions started to hit a new high, "Why? Why can't he just die? Why?" 
> 
> Her sniffling and sobbing killed me, I could only imagine if it was me and (y/n). If she begged our child to have death and spare him this pain and suffering. I replayed my father in my head.... Everything was hitting me now. I had to help her.... I had to.
> 
> "He can." I whispered closing my eyes.
> 
> She exhales deeply and sniffles, looking at me. I nod at her, encouraging her to do what we both believe is right. She looks at drew as she walks over to the breathing machine, my eyes following her as she was holding in her sobs now. She was trying to be strong. She looked between him and the switch, her hand reaching but shaking and hovering away from it. My own heart pounding watching her. She started to cover it but breaks down crying and pulls away. I rush over and hold her.
> 
> "Okay, okay." I hold her up as her legs give out, "All right, all right, okay, okay, okay."
> 
> "Oh God." I whispered as she stared at him through the clear side, still sobbing and only getting worse by looking at him.
> 
> "Maggie."
> 
> _**Don't do this. Don't do this... It's wrong.**_ The voice in my head said before being spoke over,  _ **He's suffering. He isn't even alive any more.... Is it really wrong to end the suffering of a boy who can't breath on his own with no brain function? Think of your dad... If this was your child....**_
> 
> "Maggie, you should go." I said as I shook my head.
> 
> "I can't leave him." She choked out as she barely found her footing.
> 
> "Maggie, go." I spoke the best I could in my current state, I knew she couldn't be in here... I knew I shouldn't... I knew it was wrong and right, "Go, please."
> 
> She walked out as I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to hold in my emotions. I watched her walk out, going down the hall so no one would see me. I took a small breath, I think of relief but at the moment I couldn't tell. I was focused on my dad suffering. Of my unborn child in Drew's spot.... I looked at the floor but couldn't help myself. I looked at drew and walked over to the edge. Staring down at the boy that never knew his own parents even though they were always there for him. Never knew anything. My eyes closed and I was trying to hide the tears, to hold them back. I put on my fake smile and moved my hand as a silent blessing for the boy, kissing my hand at the end as I watched him for a moment.  _ **It's the right thing.**_ I look at the machine with my eyes closed I reached over, Fingers grazing the switch. One small tap and the machine would turn off... I couldn't look as my eyes allowed the salty water to break the rim of my eye lids. I pushed the switch down and heard the machine stop, along with my heart.

* * *

 That night, I didn't see raf. I didn't hear the bedroom door and he didn't get into bed. I knew this was hard on him so I was trying to help, problem was he wouldn't let me. So when I woke up and couldn't find any evidence that he even came home, I called Liv worried. She made a few calls and before I knew it, she confirmed my fear. Raf not only slept in his office, he had charges filed against him. My husband was looking at murder charges for killing baby drew. I was furious and so many more emotions that I barely could get dressed to meet Liv and confront him, she had to almost help me walk to him. He was at the coffee cart outside as usual and we both pounced.

"Rafa, what the hell?" Liv started.

"Lattete, right?" He took a heavy breath and looked at me, "and you don't need caffeine."

"I don't want coffee." Liv looked almost shocked as I was tempted to hit him but settled with the question, "You killed the baby?"

"I expedite his passing." He sucked in air as he turned away from us and we quickly got in front of him before he could walk to far away from the coffee cart.

"That's gonna be a tough hair to split in a courtroom." She was still amazed at his behavior.

"The courtroom's the last thing I was thinking of when I was in that hospital room." 

"Obviously." I snapped, "You could go to prison."

"You don't think I know that?" He turned towards us finally, "Sometimes you have to act without concern for the consequences."

"Not you. You wear suspenders and a belt." Liv argued.

"I had no option." He sighed and barely looked at us.

"I gotta fix this." Liv started to turn and took my arm, "we need to fix this."

"Don't..." His words falling on deaf ears as we were already starting towards the steps.

"Liv. (Y/n)." He dropped his head before bring it up to yell at us, "Liv! (Y/n), you can't help me!"

The problem was we were both already set on it. Liv was suppose to wheel me in, instead she was leading the charge. I knew Rafi was watching us race in in horror, he knew his fate and knew we couldn't help. That's why he didn't go home, he didn't want to tell me. He didn't want to watch me break. We moved through the halls till we seen McCoy and a man chatting, I practically ran over to him with Liv on my heels.

"Mr. McCoy, hi." Liv started.

"Colleagues get to call me Jack, Lieutenant. Detective." He smiled at us before sending a counselor on his way, "I suppose you wanna talk to me about ADA Barba."

"Please you can't..." I tried to find words as Liv patted my shoulder.

"He's the best ADA that I've ever worked with. He is honest and honorable."

"But I can't have my ADAs running around killing people." He shook his head, "It's unbecoming."

"He did what he thought was right." I looked at the man I have heard great stories about, the DA that actually earned the spot.

"I know that." He sighed, "You both know that."

"Yes, we do." Liv answered.

"Let's hope the jury agrees with us." He finished as I seen Liv close her eyes, "Oh, here comes my dinner date. Lieutenant Benson, Detective Barba, say hello to Peter Stone. He's the hotshot out of Chicago who's going to be special counsel in the People v. Rafael Barba."

I felt my heart drop. Liv opened her eyes in disbelief and put an arm around me before I could say anything.

The man cleared his throat and offered a hand, "It's a pleasure."

"I sure hope you suck." I growled as Liv turned me away to walk, she glare at McCoy as we retreated. 

I would've been humiliated if it wasn't for my hormones telling me to cry and curled up as close to a ball as i can with this damn belly. She pulled me to the rest room and tried to calm me down, instead I pushed past her and told her I was taking a sick day. She didn't stop me, she didn't argue... She dropped her head and let me go. I needed to clear my head and focus on my possible future alone.

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

>  I knew I needed someone big to pull me from my all to certain future behind bars. Only one name seemed to stick in my head, _**Dworkin. If anyone can save me, he can.**_ I walked in, part of me wishing it could've been anyone else. 
> 
> "I have to admit, I thought my surprise quotient was filled for the year when McAdoo benched Manning." He stated from his chair across from mine in his office, tossing a football up as I was really telling myself I can't go, "But this, I gotta tell you, on the all-time scale is up there between Bucky Dent and Charlie Rose."
> 
> "If you don't wanna represent me, that's okay." I bit out.
> 
> "I don't wanna represent you, I have to represent you." He smiled, "Cases like this wet my whistle, so to speak."
> 
> I was sitting almost terrified. Being on this side of a desk was hard enough, add in my charges and dooming fate and I getting desperate.  _ **Who else could I go to? This case is a tall order and I can't represent myself.**_
> 
> "So, what did the little bastard do to you?" He asked with a small smirk.
> 
> "This was a mistake." I started to get up.
> 
> "Okay, okay. I'll skip the whole self-defense angle." He was still enjoying this to much.
> 
> "I'm sorry I wasted your time, Mr. Dworkin." I picked up my coat and turned to leave.
> 
> "Randy." He stood up and kept going, "And my point is this whole thing is a sick joke. You killed something that nine out of ten doctors would say wasn't alive."
> 
> I stopped and turned towards him, tossing my coat over the chair I had been in, "What about the tenth doctor?"
> 
> "Look, you wanna prove a point, and I wanna prove a point. It's what my nana would call the perfect shidduch." He use his two hand to symbolize two things working together, bringing them together.
> 
> I was watching him,  _ **He's all you have. No one else can even have a chance of saving you.**_ I tipped my head to the side, pushing off the back of the chair I was resting on to stand just an inch in front of his desk. My arms crossed as I was trying to hold some control in here, and still my intrigued won.
> 
> "What point do you wanna prove?"
> 
> "That the government's power has grown too damn much. That the bigger the government gets, the smaller it leaves the individual. That once the government takes away our right to die, it takes away our right to live. How am I doing so far?" 
> 
> I nodded, and sat back down.  _ **He finally gets it. I made the right choice.... Hopefully.**_

* * *

I was sitting at home, Liv wanted me to calm down and I wish I could. In my head, I was bomb-barded with what ifs.  _ **What if Rafael goes to jail? You would be visiting him in prison. Bringing your child to see him and hoping everything goes ok since the prison is filled with people you both put away. Protective custody in jail wasn't too great. But what if he doesn't want you too? What if he wants you to move on and start new, the single mom that never tells about the convict husband or ex-husband.**_ My eyes were watering, just the idea of that turned my stomach.  _ **You love him, you couldn't leave him.**_

My legs were cramping, back stinging... I was in physical pain at the thought of losing raf. It felt wrong because I wanted to be mad at him, but then again it was Rafael and I couldn't help but love him.  _ **I can't do this... I can't do this...**_ I was breathing heavy trying to calm myself when the door opened and I heard feet running to me.

"Mi corazón, estás bien?" He asked as I looked at him, "my heart, are you ok?"

"No! My husband just killed a baby. He broke a law, hid it from me, didn't come home and then got angry with me because I care!" I screamed and pushed him away.

He was shocked, but I was too. I didn't know how to control myself right now between hormones and anger. I felt betrayed. ** _I would do anything for this man, he ~~was~~_** ** _is the love of my life. He is the love of my life. I can't believe he doesn't trust me, can't confide in me.... I can't think straight._** I took Sharp breaths as my stomach panged to draw my already split attention back to it. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on breathing but wasn't able to. Then a hand took mine, squeezing tightly and that voice I loved came out.

"Breathe. In and out, like me." He demonstrated and I followed his lead, "good. Good.... Keep going."

His hand twisted and took mine, interlacing our fingers as his other rubbed my belly. I sighed as the pain subsided.  _ **Its stress. Stop stressing.**_ He stroked my cheek softly to get me to look at him.

"I know you hate me. I understand. I shouldn't of done what I did, shouldn't of turned my back on you while I was confused."

"I don't hate you Rafael..." I whispered and he hugged me, "I don't."

"I don't think you should be in the courtroom."

The room went dead silent, even Heero got up and left for the bedroom. He spoke so easily, after this small breakthrough... And he says that. My jaw dropped and I pushed away again, ignoring his attempt at fixing it.

"Your kidding right?" 

"No. I think it wo..." He dropped his head as I got up and walked away, "...uld be better if you didn't."

"Better? Rafael I doubt it would matter if I showed up or not. You're the one on trial and the jury will be looking at you, the ADA that killed a baby. Not the pregnant wife behind him muffled in a crowd." I spat.

"I don't want you to get emotional and have a miscarriage because of it." He spoke with a monotone voice.

"Rafael Barba, I am your wife. I took your name, I an carrying your baby.... I swore to be with you no matter what might happen. The vows might not have said it but that's what it meant."

"And because I want you to be healthy and safe, I don't want you there." He looked up.

"What about what I want? Marriage is a give and take remember."

"And I have gave my final verdict. I don't want you there." He said it softly, his face showing hesitation.

I walked back to the bedroom and slammed the door in his face when he chased me back. He reached for the door nob and was met with a click as I locked it. 

"And I don't want you to sleep in the bed with me." 

I turned around and laid on he bed crying, Heero curled up with me and I eventually drifted off. I wanted raf beside me, but point would it have made if I did let him in? 

* * *

_**Rafael's POV**_

> I chased (y/n) back to the bedroom. I wanted to fix this, to make sure she understood it was for the best. Then the door slammed in my face, a fraction of an inch from hitting me. I reached for the nob to hear the click before I could turn it. On the other side was crying.  ** _Don't cry... Please don't cry._** I rested my head on the door and pressed my hands against the frame. I stayed a moment, hearing her diamonds falling down her face, the catch in her throat as her sobs were making it harder to breathe. I wanted to fix it but instead stepped back.
> 
> "I just want to protect you." I whispered, "it's for the best."
> 
> I went out and laid on the couch, a throw blanket over me as I slept. Tomorrow, court would start and I would be praying more then I have in years. Mainly, for her to forgive me. So of I manage to be free, I could still have the family I don't deserve.

* * *

 As court was starting up, I sat down beside Liv and right behind raf. Even if we weren't seeing eye to eye at the moment, I was going to support the dumb man I love. Aaron was up first, stone leading him through questions and I was stuck watching raf as he obviously felt uncomfortable being at the wrong table.

"When he had trouble breathing, our pediatrician sent us to Dr. Vacarro." Aaron answered.

"And what did he tell you?" Stone asked as he looked at the jury.

"He said that it was bad, but that there were some doctors somewhere doing experiments with stem cells. He said the results were promising."

"In other words, he gave you hope." Stone looked at him on the stand.

"That was enough." He nodded.

Only a short few minutes later, Maggie was on the stand and with the same question, she answered the other way. Dworkin knew she would.

"There was no hope. Drew was already dead. He couldn't see or hear or breathe or think. That is dead."

He retreated back to sit by raf, stone stood and started with his questioning.

"I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Mrs. Householder." 

He was interrupted, "Then why are you doing this?"

"Because the law says I must." He answered truthfully, it almost made me sick, "Do you recognize this document, Mrs. Householder?"

"Looks like a report from Dr. Mitchell." Maggie answered as stone opened a file to show her, "She was my OBGYN."

"Please read the highlighted portion." He handed it to her and stepped back.

She lifted up the page and took a deep breath, "The patient has been informed of both the likelihood that her child might develop MDDS and the consequences thereof." 

"Please continue reading, Mrs. Householder."

"In spite of being so informed, the patient has refused to end the pregnancy." She finished on the verge of tears, I'm sure she would start crying any time now.

"In other words, you knew your child would have MDDS. And yet you still refused to have an abortion." Stone made the point and Maggie sat there.

"Yes."

"Why?" 

"I couldn't."

"Couldn't what?"

"I couldn't kill my baby."

"Because that would be wrong?"

I held my breath, I begged god in my head for this not to go that way. Raf was on the edge of his seat, he needed her to say no but we knew it was coming....

"Yes." Maggie said as emotionless as possible.

"So it was wrong to kill Drew when you were five months pregnant, but it's okay to kill him ten months after he was born? Is that what you're saying?" Stone gave the final punch as Liv held her face, raf dropped his head and I was about to run out of the room. 

Recess was called and I left before raf even stood up. I couldn't stand to be in there. Liv chased down stone as I started walking out. I felt eyes on me at every turn, and it wasn't because I was pregnant. It was because I was married to the ADA that killed a defenseless baby... Right or wrong he 'pulled the plug' and I was still beside him. A cop justifying murder... But the again no one from the squad would come. Sonny, Amanda, and fin weren't going into that court room. I was feeling betrayed and a million other things. 

My feet made it to the steps before I felt a hand on my shoulder, "cariño, you should take time off work."

"No I need the hours and money to support us while your in jail." I whispered harshly.

"I'm sorry." He tried and I couldn't do it right now.

"Tell someone who cares." I turned away and left for the squad room, the worse place in the world right now. Every cop had an opinion, would stare at me and make me feel like a side show. I was tired of it, all of it. If raf wants to apologize and mean it, hell come home and tell me without the eyes. Then I'll come to work and sit here like a good cop while he begs for his life. Because the next line he uses will be ''maybe you should come to court." And just maybe I would, if he stopped pushing me away.

* * *

 That night he got home before I did, he was waiting for me with the table set. A beautiful dinner was prepared, obviously bought and brought home since it was way above his skill set. He stood there in sweats and a loose shirt, smiling faintly trying to be optimistic. I couldn't stop myself.

"Hola cariño." 

Hi Rafi." I hugged him tight to me as he hugged me back, "I'm sorry for what I said." 

"Don't be, I understand." He sighed and kissed my head, "I started it."

"And I told you I didn't care and made a horrible joke about you going to jail."

"Because..." He interrupted, "I was being an idiot. Te mereces algo mejor que yo." 

I tipped my head and wiped my nose, "what?"

"You deserve better than me." He stepped back, "I definitely don't deserve you."

"Then why am I standing here with your last name?"

"I hoped." He gave a week smile, before turning to the table, "just some of your favorite. A apology for doing wrong."

"It wasn't wrong Rafi." I caressed his cheek as he kissed my hand, "it was the right thing."

"It was murder."

"Then why plead not guilty." I asked.

"Because I have you, my pregnant wife. I don't want to lose you." He answered.

"That's all?"

He was confused, very clearly confused by my question, "well I do believe it was the right thing but mostly for you."

I shook my head and picked up the dish, "maybe your not looking at this the right way raf. Maybe you need to think about this more."

I made a plate and he nodded, changing the subject, "I was thinking, if I do win and I get to walk out free.... Maybe we should have a change of scenery."

I looked up shocked, "what?"

"Maybe we could use some air. Maybe this city has taken up to much of my life." He gave a soft smile as he pulled out my chair, "maybe somewhere warmer or by the sea."

"You want to move to Miami, what about Mami?" I took a bite as he nodded, "we couldn't leave your mom all alone in New York. We are all her family.... And the squad. My job..."

"I know it is a change, I'm sorry to just spring it on you but I have been thinking. Mami wants warmer weather, I could get a new job and you could take a little time off before starting a new job. We can find a nice house and have more room then this apartment. Heero could have a beach to play on because I know our boy would love that." He winked at the pup that snorted and scratched his nose.

"That's a big change." I shook my head, "maybe it's a good thing... But it's big."

"Then maybe a smaller change. Move up north a little so we don't have a bustling city interrupting us every hour of the day and night."

"Honestly raf, I never thought about it." I closed my eyes, "I never even tried to think about what it would be like after this trial. Would they fire you?"

"I'm not sure, but I can resign and you could make a lateral move if you don't want the time off."

"What if we stayed?" I looked at him.

"It won't be the same. I'm not sure I can... I'm not even sure If I know myself right now." He shook his head, "here lately I have been putting others first over you and myself."

I nodded, not pushing it. That night we went to bed, his arms holding me as my face hid in his chest.  _ **He wants to leave. He wants something new if he doesn't go to jail... Can I do that? I do that know...**_ I fell asleep and slept Sounder then I have since that night, it really does help to have him here.

 I was at work the next day, filing more and more paperwork. Fin was busy on a case with Amanda, sonny was coming in late. Liv couldn't leave her office as she tried to scheme a way of helping raf, because she was being pushed away too. I just wanted it to be done, to be over and accept whatever verdict was given. Luckily I wouldn't be alone with half the cops on the floor watching me for long, sonny walked in and sat a brown paper bag in front of me.

"What's this?" I looked at him as he sat down across from me at his desk.

"Food. I didn't know if you ate yet.... I didn't know how you would be feeling and I visited my parents the other day..." he started to smile as my eyes went wide and I smiled.

"You didn't." I perked up and opened the bag, almost inhaling it at first sight, "yesss, cannoli."

I took the first bite as he chuckled, "there is something else under the cannoli."

I peeked in and motioned him over, "come here, I need to hug you and can't get up."

He gave me a hug as I started on the Struffoli. Sonny made my day in that moment, life was turning around for a few seconds as fin and Amanda came in and cracked jokes about the pregnant woman constantly eating. Everything was light hearted then a man walked in and came over.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Barba?"

"Yes?" I sat the bag down as he handed me a envelope.

"You've been served."

I felt my heart speed up and i needed air. Carisi looked over the paper that I knew was a subpoena to testify. I couldn't stand to hear it, I got up and left the bag of food on my desk. I felt angry to an extreme, walking past the locker and punching it hard enough to dent it. I felt the eyes on me as I walked to the stairs and sat down trying to breath as anger was pushed aside to pain. My hand now black and blue with specks of blood.  _ **I definitely hurt it... probably broke it.**_ i twitched my fingers luckily and felt relieved for a second before I just started crying. I was going mad, completely crazy. 

"I just wished this would go away." I whispered through the fresh tears, "why can't this just be a bad dream?"

I heard the door and feet racing down to a step below me and hands on my back, "(y/n), are you ok?"

I looked up to sonny, tears falling like the rain from this morning. Splashing off steps and rolling their way to lower ground with each drop.

"Why can't I wake up? isn't this just a bad dream?" I croaked out through my restricted airway, "why?"

He rubbed my shoulder and took my hand as I dropped it from my face, "you need to see a doctor. You have to have a fracture at least."

I struggled to breath now, gasping and crying so hard I was turning red, "(y/n)! Breathe, I need you to calm down. Come on (y/n)!" 

I shook as my stomach sent a sharp pain through me and I let out a scream. He tried to help, held me and screamed at the first person through the door to get a bus.

"Come on breath, look at me (y/n)... You're ok. Everything is ok... Just breathe. Breathe." His soothing voice penetrating the madness but not winning over hormones and Insanity, "get a bus now!"

I felt a stab and closed my eyes as blood trickled down my pants leg, leaving behind a small trail. A shockwave went through my entire body starting at my lower back. A few hands came over and as my vision blurred out and the pain left my body, I seen Amanda beside sonny and heard Liv's voice on the phone. Then it went black.

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

>  I was just getting done with court for the day, Dworkin was explaining his plan for tomorrow when I felt my phone vibrate. He paused a second when I pulled my phone out, answering a call from Liv.
> 
> "Kinda busy Liv."
> 
> "Rafael, it's (y/n)."
> 
> "(Y/n)? What do you mean?" I froze as she explained what happened and I heard the sirens from the ambulance they were chasing. 
> 
> I hung up and ran out, past stone and McCoy and grabbing a taxi quickly as Dworkin looked at me like I was crazy. My worse thoughts were curling my stomach, the what ifs getting darker then I wanted. I couldn't take it and pushed it all out of my head until I could run through the ER doors. Liv and sonny stopped me from going much farther explain everything they could and holding me back till we were allowed in the room.
> 
> I walked in and seen her groaning, her eyes flickering open towards us, "I'm fine."
> 
> "Estás en el hospital después de un ataque de estrés que te hace golpear un casillero y desmayarse. Tú no estás bien.(You are in the hospital after a stress attack made you punch a locker and pass out. You are not ok.)" I spoke fast and forgot that she wasn't able to understand me, "You are in the hospital after a stress attack made you punch a locker and pass out. You are not ok."
> 
> "But I am... Well now. Please can we not talk about it." Her eyes begged as she made me sit down beside her and feel the baby kick, "just feel that."
> 
> I smiled and put an arm around her, our hands laced together over he steady kick of our baby. Liv and sonny left, giving us the room alone. The silence lasted seconds before she spoke.
> 
> "I was worried you wouldn't come."
> 
> "Why wouldn't I?" 
> 
> She shrugged, "we've been fighting alot."
> 
> "Doesn't matter. I love you, first and foremost. You two matter the most." I smiled and kissed her.
> 
> Then My tongue couldn't stop there, "I was scared that we... You know."
> 
> "I know." She nodded.
> 
> "Your stressing way to much. It's not good for either of you." I squeezed her hand and pulled them from her belly, "is there anyway to stop it?"
> 
> "Not till you're safe." She replied, "maybe a move isn't too bad."
> 
> I smiled,  _ **I picked the right woman. God I love you.**_  
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> The next day, court was back in session. I sat by Dworkin as i heard her name called to the stand. I watched her walk in, her soft sun dress showing of her belly and covering her perfectly.  _ **Today she isn't a cop, she's a wife. A mom.... She's my love and she'll do anything to keep me from jail.**_ I smiled softly at the thought as she sat down. Stone started, dworkin objected whenever he tried to ask about me talking to her. Spousal privilege was finally working for me. 
> 
> "Mrs. Barba, you are a cop correct?"
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "And as a cop, you in force the law." Stone asked.
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "What your husband did, was it murder?"
> 
> She looked at me and wiped her nose, "I don't know."
> 
> "It's a simple question. According to the law, was it a crime?"
> 
> "I don't know." She repeated, "it was murder but drew was technically brain dead. Many people and even the law has trouble identifying what is living and dead."
> 
> "Was drew alive?"
> 
> "He was breathing because a machine did it for him. He would die without it. He can't move or even feel.... He was dead long before he 'pulled the plug' so to say."
> 
> "But he was breathing." Stone tried.
> 
> "I want there, I have no idea what happened."
> 
> He shook his head, "what if the baby had the flu? Would it be ok then?"
> 
> "That doesn't matter."
> 
> "Why not?"
> 
> "Because it wasn't the flu. If it was just the flu we wouldn't be here."
> 
> Stone gave up, Dworkin stood beside me and asked only one question, "Mrs. Barba, do you believe you husband did the right thing?"
> 
> I sat holding my breath, waiting for her answer. Not to help or hurt my case, but to know what she really thought. She wouldn't sit up there and lie, she has to much honor for that. 
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> Dworkin sat down and the bailiff helped her down so she could sit right behind me by Liv. I was feeling better, even if I went to jail... I knew (y/n) would be there for me. That's all I needed. I took the stand right after her, my heart racing as I hoped the jury would believe this. It was the truth, it was for good. Dworkin started up and I tried to focus.
> 
> "I worked in the DA's office for 21 years." I answered the first question.
> 
> "Mr. Barba, is it fair to say that you spent your entire professional life practicing law?"
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "Enforcing the law?"
> 
> "That's correct."
> 
> "Putting those who violate the law behind bars?"
> 
> "Yes."
> 
> "Murder is against the law. Is it not?"
> 
> "It is."
> 
> I was getting tired of this back and forth. I watched Dworkin and just prayed he knew what he was doing.
> 
> "So what happened here?"
> 
> I paused for a moment to find the words, "I don't believe that what I did was murder."
> 
> "But when you went into Drew Householder's hospital room he was alive. When you came out, he was dead. Somebody did something."
> 
> "Yes, I killed him." I glanced to the jury then back, "Um, but what I did, I don't believe that it was murder."
> 
> That got a small reaction from stone, a few jury members looked curious. I hated the idea but I glanced at the seat where (y/n) had faithfully been sitting and it was empty but Liv sat in hers. I was just trying to remember how I needed to phrase the answers, but I still thought about her being absent after just getting off the stand.
> 
> "I'm starting to feel like we're walking a razor's edge here, Mr. Barba." 
> 
> "It was a justifiable homicide."
> 
> "In other words, you had to do it?"
> 
> "There were these, um, flowers on the table, next to Drew's crib. Orange roses. He would never know how wonderful they are. He couldn't smell them." I closed my eyes a moment to picture them, to remember the soft scent they left as the music played in my head, "His mom was playing one of Bach's cantatas, from her phone. The eternal Bach. Drew couldn't hear it. He'd never see a cloud. A rainbow. Um, the sun. The moon."
> 
> I looked at Dworkin but caught a few jurors getting pulled in. I kept going.
> 
> "The bottom line is that he would never even know that these things existed. He didn't know if he was hungry or thirsty. He couldn't recognize the faces of his mother or his father. All that he did know, all that he would ever know, is the pain that was his so-called life."
> 
> "How do you know?" 
> 
> "The doctors say that his brain had stopped functioning."
> 
> "So he was dead already?"
> 
> "So to speak." I sighed while speaking, touching a dangerous line with this part.
> 
> "Surely, you, as a man of the law, must be able to make a distinction between who is dead and who's alive." Dworkin pushed since I was clearly shakey on the answer.
> 
> "Courts have only dealt with this issue tangentially. In Roe v. Wade, the court implied that an unborn baby was alive when it could survive on its own."
> 
> "Could Drew Householder survive without being hooked up to all those machines?"
> 
> "His doctors say that he could not."
> 
> "So, in effect, the life you took from Drew Householder wasn't really life to begin with, was it?"
> 
> "Objection." Stone stood and I broke.
> 
> "All I know is that when I looked in his crib, I saw a baby who couldn't form the most basic thought of his own. He couldn't love. Or-or hate. Or-Or hope." I felt the pain wash over me, the same mix as when I turned the machine off. Tears in my eyes starting, "And when I saw the pain that-that the unutterable suffering that his existence was causing the two people who loved him most, I had to do something. Whether that meant going to prison or not."
> 
> Some of the jury were wiping their eyes, the householders were closing their eyes and squeezing each other's hands. Dworkin nodded and went to sit down, the court room mood falling into a tune of sorrow. Stone stood and slowly walked over to the jury but looked at me.... The shark stalking it's pray.
> 
> "Does Mrs. Householder have sole custody of Drew?"
> 
> "Um, no." I stumbled a little, he found my biggest weakness in the case, "She, uh she shares it with Mr. Householder."
> 
> "Did you confer with him before you hastened the death of his son?"
> 
> I shook my head softly as I watched them behind the prosecution table, "No."
> 
> "Do you feel guilty for what you've done?" He asked as he seen me metaphorically shaking from my nerves.
> 
> "Do you feel guilty for what you're doing?" I Almost spat back.
> 
> "I'll ask again, do you feel guilty for what you've done?" He approached me, eyes locked on mine.
> 
> "I did what I thought was right." I never faultered as he still came closer.
> 
> "Mr. Barba, do you feel guilty, sir?" He said with a conviction I use to have.
> 
> I was sealing my own fate, these words will either win or lose the jury.... They would decide if I get a family or a wife and child I wish wouldn't even know my name to drag them down.
> 
> I pondered it only a few seconds and forced the answer to be heard, "I do."
> 
> The room was deathly silent, even stone had a small bit of compassion showing. I was on the verge of falling down and never getting back up, my whole case resting on what the jury thinks of this one moment the most.... And I was still thinking of her and how to keep the baby and her safe.

* * *

 That night raf took me home and walked me to the bedroom. He pulled my hand back and kissed me passionately. I giggled softly as he ran his nose along the shell of my ear.

"What got into you?" I smiled as he lifted me the best he could to make me lay back.

"Just in case the worse happens.... I want to remember you vividly." He whispered softly so the small traces of hot air would heat me up.

"Don't think like that." I stroked his cheek.

"Help me forget it then." He smirked and rolled his hips against mine and I couldn't argue.

He traced down my arms and to my hands, pulling them up above me. He kissed down my chest as he pulled my dress off and traced his tongue along my waist band. He rubbed my legs, small circles on my thighs loosening and relaxing them. He rested his head against my belly, kissing it gently as he loosened me to a soft jello. I didn't move an inch, letting him have fully control. He slipped my panties off, kissing my lips and running his clever tongue between them to flick my growing pearl. He looked up at me, lifting my hips just enough to adjust and slide in. Again he took his time, a few minutes still inside me. I knew he was memorizing the feel of me, the taste of my skin and the small little twitches I gave when I was begging him to move. I could see it in his eyes, they hardly blinked. He was running his hands back up to mine as he ran them over every sweet spot, every little curve and crevice.

 "Rafffff-ael" I moaned as he rolled his hips to finally give me friction. 

He kept it slow, Interlacing our hands above our heads and rolling his hips smoothly. My mouth opened as I gasped, he leaned down and kissed the breath out of me. He moved my hands down and placed them on his back as he started to roll a nipple with his free hand that wasn't holding him up.

"Oh God..." I moaned.

"You feel amazing. Tan perfecto ... Solo tus labios pueden hacerme caer de rodillas. No puedo perderte No puedo dejar que me saquen de ti ... No podría sobrevivir sin ti.(So perfect... Just your lips can make me fall to my knees. I can't lose you. I can't let them take me from you... I couldn't survive without you.)" He whispered above me, dragging that fog into my head as I felt that oh so sweet pressure building up slowly, "sus curvas, la pequeña contracción de su nariz cuando jadea, o el rizado de los dedos de los pies al acercarse.(your curves, the small twitch of your nose when you gasp, or the curling of your toes when your close.)"

I panted as I couldn't hold back, the way he took a smooth crawling pace to draw it out. My back arched and I grasped his shoulders and curled my arm around his neck as he didn't stop going, he didn't speed up. I rolled my hips to his, and kissed him like it was the last time. Then I felt the twitch and heard his groan as he softly rolled to his side so he wouldn't fall on me. He took a moment to breath, and I rolled to my side to cuddle him. After I tucked against his chest, he just watched me slowly drifting off to sleep. A rush of spanish that I was to tired to figure out, all I knew was that as we struggled with what could be our last few hours together, I wanted to hear him speak as much as possible. Tongue rolls and all with the Spanish. My eyes closing as he was still whispering to me.

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

>  I kept her curled in my arms, my only thoughts were of this being the last time in a long time that I will be able to. I kissed her head and whispered on to sooth my own fears even after she was in a hopefully restful slumber.
> 
> "Eres tan hermosa (y / n), no puedo creer que te hayas casado conmigo. Menos de la mitad de mi edad, inteligente ... Y ahora embarazada.(You are so beautiful (y/n), I can't believe you married me. Less than half my age, smart.... And now pregnant.)" I brushed her hair out of her face, "Todavía recuerdo conocerte por primera vez, jurando que no puedes ser un detective. Ahora no solo eres mi esposa, sino que llevas a mi bebé.(I still remember meeting you for the first time, swearing you couldn't be a detective. Now not only are you my wife, but your carrying my baby.)"
> 
> I watched the way her breathing dropped to a even rhythm, her eyes only slightly twitching as she was starting to dream.
> 
> "Si pierdo, no estaré allí para el nacimiento del bebé ... Me visitarán con un grueso plexiglás entre nosotros, no podré abrazar a mi hijo o hija.(If I lose, I won't be there for the baby's birth... You will be visiting me with a thick plexiglass between us, I won't be able to hold my son or daughter.)" I blinked away the tears, "incluso si gano, no puedo volver a esa oficina y continuar con mi trabajo. No será lo mismo, no puedo quedarme y espero que me acompañes.(even if I win, I can't go back to that office and continue with my job. It won't be the same, I can't stay and you'll hopefully go with me.)"
> 
> I tried not to cry, sleep wasn't coming as I watched her sleep the whole time. I wanted to memorize the way she laughed and smiled, how she always cuddled up to sleep. The way her eyes batted at me when she begged or her small pout that could pass for worse then a kicked puppy. I want to memorize every inch of her, that's what the sex was about... Because as of now, I couldn't say if I'll be a free man tomorrow. I could only pray dworkin was half as good as I hoped, or stone was feeling less sure if himself at the moment.
> 
> "Lo siento ... No pensé en ti. No debería permitir que mis emociones ganen(I'm sorry... I didn't think about you. I shouldn't of let my emotions win out.)" My lip trembled as I whispered the last bit against her scalp, "Te amo cariñosamente (y / n), si logro salir de esto ... prometo que comenzaremos de nuevo(I love you dearly (y/n), if I make it out of this.... I promise we'll start fresh)."
> 
> Then all night I watched her, at least until early morning when my body failed me and let sleep win.  _ **I promise to be better.**_
> 
> * * *

 "Will the defendant please rise?" Blake asked and raf stood up straightening his toes before buttoning his jacket, "Have you reached a verdict?"

"Yes, we have, your Honor." The forewoman stood up, "On the sole count of the indictment, murder in the second degree, we find the defendant, Rafael Barba...."

Raf was glued to the forewoman, eyes hinting at bloodshot. Liv had an arm around me, ready fro the best or worse to be given. Everyone was on the edge of their seat watching.....

"Not guilty."

Raf gasped and leaned forward a little. He slowly turned around as I jumped up and hugged him from the viewing area. He squeezed me tight and buried his nose against my head, savoring in the sweet verdict that was keeping us together. 

"Members of the jury, you are excused. The court thanks you for your service." Blake finished as people started to leave.

I kissed his cheek and pulled back slightly, anyone still in the room watching us. I didn't want to pull from his grasps but he took the hint and let go after a small kiss. He looked at Dworkin and shook his hand, Liv hugged me and smiled in relief. Mr. And Mrs. Householder were watching and waiting, I wrapped myself around his arm as he stepped through to walk out. He kept me tight and stopped for them, seeing their looks. She nodded and he took a deep breath, the bittersweet moment came as they both thanked him and wished the verdict be different. They wouldn't say it, but we knew it.

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

> I went to my office and started packing everything up. As I discussed with (y/n) only a few hours ago, we would start fresh. I needed a break, something new and time to think. I had a family starting. A beautiful wife and baby on the way, a chance to be more then an ADA. I almost lost that today, it all rested on that verdict. I wouldn't let it go to waste now. I had just pulled the the small decoration pieces off the bookcase as I heard and turned my head just enough to see jack walking in.
> 
>  "You do realize half my job is stopping people who work here from doing something stupid." He held my resignation papers in his hand.
> 
> "Well, now you have one less person to worry about." I walked a photo of me and (y/n) to the box on my desk.
> 
> "You don't have to do this, Rafael." He came over to me where I stood behind my desk for what will be my last time.
> 
> "I know."
> 
> "What're you gonna do?"
> 
> "Would it be unbearably corny if I said, "I'm going to do what I must?" I asked.
> 
> "Yes, it would." He gave a short nod, "But I understand."
> 
> That surprised me, I want prepared for him to offer any sympathy. He understood now, but it was past when I needed it. He offered his hand and I shook it, a final goodbye from a legend in the court room. I watched him start to walk out before stopping.
> 
> "Oh, and Rafael..." He turned to look at me, "some advice, put your family first. You won't always get them back."
> 
> He left with that and I looked at the boxes beside me. All my books, the photos and trinkets. My whole adult life has almost been spent on build up my career and here I was, jobless and starting a family. My world was turned upside down.

* * *

 With the news spreading, Rafael was free. He escaped the crime that was of Mercy. I was at the squad packing up my desk. Sonny, Amanda, and fin watched me fill the box and clean my locker. The resignation papers on Liv's desk as she sat in there finishing her end of the work. I picked up each photo, me and raf on our wedding day... the squad getting drinks.... Raf and me holding a puppy Heero the day we rescued him. I was struggling to finish, especially when I want to cry.

Sonny walked over, sitting down a new box full of the locker stuff of mine, "here you go (y/n)."

"Thanks." I stood up and hugged him, "I'm gonna miss you guys."

"We are definitely gonna miss you." Fin chuckled and got a hug, "you were the best new addition to this squad in a long time."

"Get over here girl." Amanda smiled and hugged me, "you know you and Barba are always welcome. Jesse and Noah would die if they lose uncle raf and aunt (y/n) completely."

"Don't worry about it. I am dragging him to all the birthdays. Little Jesse needs to be showered with gifts." I smiled as she shook her head.

"Good, I won't lose your number then." She sighed as we heard the familiar footsteps. 

We turn to see Rafael walk in, he gave me a kiss and then walked into the office to talk to Liv alone. I looked at sonny and motioned to the break room for a drink, if I was gonna end up crying I wanted it to be less public and with my partner. He followed me in and got me a water from the vending machine.

"I can't believe your leaving so soon." He sighed as I sipped it.

"It's for the best... Things wouldn't be the same if we stayed." I looked at him, "as for you, you have more work to do here. Get your ass in that DA's office and make Raf's biggest nightmare come true."

He laughed and shook his head, "I don't know. After those two cases, I think I would rather be a cop."

"You be a great ADA Carisi, just so you know." I smiled, "raf would be pleased to see you take his spot and grow."

"Now I know your lying." He smirked and I shook my head.

"It's true. He said he was surprised you didn't make the jump. Believe it or not, he thinks you a good lawyer... Not great but good." I watched him sit on that a moment, "and you could get somewhere with Amanda."

I got a stink eye from him, "really? Now your giving me this pep talk."

"You two would be cute together... She just doesn't know what a good relationship is. She hasn't had anyone like you to show her." I smiled as he rolled his eyes, "maybe in a year or so it'll be you two replacing me and raf. Amanda pregnant with your kid and a happy ever after."

"Maybe... Who knows." He gave me another hug, letting this one linger a moment, "i'll miss you. Who else will be the hutch to my Starsky."

"I thought we agreed, I was Starsky and you were hutch. Just like I'm the dann-o to your Steve. I'm the smart ass street smart and your the brains." 

He nodded, "fine. You better keep in contact there dann-o."

* * *

_**Rafael POV**_

> I walked into the office with liv on the phone, she hung up after a moment and looked at me, "I feel so guilty about this."
> 
> "What did you do?" I raised my brow as I stood there.
> 
> "I called you about this case."
> 
> I shook my head, "You know, when we first started working together...what was it, five years ago?" 
> 
> "Six." She corrected.
> 
>  I exhale deeply, "The world was an old movie. It was all black and white. And it was high noon. I was Gary Cooper." I chuckled, "I was absolutely sure absolutely who were the good guys, who were the bad guys. And then you-You started to weasel your way into my world, and the black and white became different shades of gray...."
> 
> It went quiet for a moment and I seen her face and knew what she was about to say... Like Always, "Don't Say it."
> 
> I couldn't help but laugh a little as she did too, "Before I knew it, there were blues and greens and yellows and reds."
> 
> "It's a different world." She sighed.
> 
> "But you made me grow. I seen you and Noah, now I have (y/n) and a baby on the way." I chuckled, "I'm you now, Liv. You opened my heart. And I thank you for it."
> 
> "And?" She asked with a hopeful look.
> 
> "I've got to move on." I sighed.
> 
> She stood up, walking over and hugging me. It was silent, dragging on as we both had tears in our eyes. Liv was the one that made me open up, the one that pushed me and encouraged me. My best friend, my confident... And now I had to say goodbye. I pulled back and kissed her forehead before walking out. I picked up (y/n) box and smiled as she walked out of the break room with Carisi. Like thousands of times before... She took my arm and walked out with me as everyone watched. A new beginning... A new life. 
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

I clung to raf's arm as we left for the last time. My squad watching, waving. I felt like I was going to throw up, but I kept going. All of them waving, and Liv held her hand over her heart.  _ **I will miss you all, but my life is just starting.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And my heart breaks *sniffles* I couldn't continue this story. And now that I have cried for the past week or so, I must say I'm really gonna miss seeing Raul on SVU. I know it was his choice and I will gladly watch him on any show or movie he does.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One final chapter to show the happy ever after.

It was mid February, I stretched softly to the sound of a babies giggle. Rolling over I find an empty bed,  _ **Raf is playing again.**_ I pulled myself up and walked down the slender hall of my now home, stopping at the nursery door. Rafael was holding his son, his brown moose onesie with little ears, out from him and Heero was trying to lick his toes. After a second I couldn't help but laugh, breaking the moment as Raf pulled him in and Heero walked past me out of the room.

"That looks like torture." I shook my head.

"He loves it," raf shrugged, "did we wake you? I'm sorry." 

"It's ok, who needs sleep." I kissed him, "not with two handsome guys around."

"Se ve como su padre(He looks just like his dad)," raf held him tight to his chest as I smiled.

"He does." I chuckled as raf looked over smiling, wrapping an arm around .e to kiss my head.

"You understood? Perfect.Estarás hablando con mamí en español antes de que te des cuenta(You'll be talking to Mommy in Spanish before you know it.)"

I rolled my eyes, "speaking of Mami, let me get dressed. We promised to visit her before the party."

"I know, I still have to change."

I looked at him in sweats and a t-shirt, "nah, I think the squad would love to see you like that."

He swatted my bottom, "go. I'll feed him."

I ran to shower quickly and change, raf would be feeding his son in the kitchen. After we left SVU almost a year ago, we moved out of the city. I didn't want to go to far, especially since his mom was moving with us as she found a principal job nearby. Miami was a little to far and I didn't want to give up the snow, I loved curling up in a window seat with a blanket and Heero at my feet. I couldn't give up the cold, so raf moved us out of the city, just over to long island on the coast. A perfect dream home for me and the boy that never left the city. A two story house on the coast, a beautiful deck off the back with stirs that lead down to the sandy Beach. That was Heero's favorite part, he got to play on the beach but when it snowed like today, he could still play in the snow. I got my bay window and padded storage seat overlooking the ocean, four bedrooms, a large kitchen and dinning room, a sweet little living room that acted as a sitting room for the basement we made into a living room. And for the first time in forever according to Rafael, he actually owns a car that he drives. He had a simple car, I had a suv that we would be driving into the city.

Life was good to us after we left, we never lost contact with the squad and visited them a few times a year. They even came over to see the finished house, I was afraid they wouldn't leave. Rafael found a job, DA for the small place we moved to... Orient new york. It was a promotion but felt like a step down seeing as he didn't work as much and he had more time at home....But it was about the same pay. He said it felt like he retired, it was much more of a small town feel and we had to go out of town for our heavier shopping. As for me, I was looking for a job very slowly. The eight month old infant was more important to watch over..... Oh and I forgot to mention, we named him Drew. A small gesture to show with the householders sons passing and not really living, we'd give him a second chance. I bet they would smile if they knew.

I came out in the fitted black dress with red curles branching out only a little from the sides and a heart on the center of the chest. It was a anniversary gift from raf, and he sure did love ripping it off me that night. I pulled my hair back in a slick ponytail and slipped on my leather ankle boots. It was simple, I grabbed my cotton biker jacket from it's hook and walked in to switch with raf. He was burping drew, but luckily he spit up before I got to far into reaching for him. Raf Wiped it off his neck as I giggled at him, wiping drew up and taking him to change while daddy showered. I pulled the little outfit Liv sent us a few weeks ago, she said it was the outfit he had to wear when we came for our visit. A green stripped onesie that looked like a dress shirt, black suit pants with a little matching vest, and the final piece was dark blue suspenders and matching tie. I styled his hair to look just like his dad's, they could've been twins. I was in the garage buckling him in when a set of arms wrapped around me and his head poked in and frowned. 

"Did you have to pick that outfit?"

"Liv picked it out and asked us to put him in it." I rolled my eyes, "plus it's cute."

"The tie color is wrong for the shirt." He shook his head.

"Sorry Mr. Suave, I forgot you had the perfect style in suits." I rolled my eyes, "just get in unless you want me to drive."

He smiled and got in, driving us to see Lucia in her apartment in riverhead. She moved with us because the city was to big with no family nearby. She doted on him for a little while as raf finished a small phone call from work. I pulled him away when. We had to go, buckling drew back in and setting out on the long drive back to Manhattan. It would take a little over two hours, but we wouldn't miss it. Today was a big day, a huge surprise to many... It was Olivia Benson's last day. She was retiring and living the rest of her life happily with her new boyfriend and sweet Noah. Her party was tonight and we had to give our goodbyes along with everyone else. They apparently booked out a small bar, free drinks for adults and juice for the kids. We arrived just before the start of the party, walking in and immediately getting jumped by little Noah. Though he wasn't to little anymore. 

"Uncle Rafa!" He tackled raf as I scooped up the baby before the hit. 

I laid him down in the carrier and Noah hugged me next, "hey big dude."

I held out my hand and got a high five, "mommy will be excited to see you two."

"I think so too." I chuckled as Liv came over and embraced Rafael.

I smiled and stood as she slowly moved on to me before having to hold little drew, "glad you guys could make it."

"Wouldn't miss it." He smiled and took a drink that was offered by Liv's new man.

"And you put my suit on him." She smiled and I nodded, "of course, it's cute."

"The colors don't pair well." Raf added and we rolled our eyes.

"He hasn't changed much for moving to a retirement/tourist town." Amanda spoke as she walked over with Carisi and Jesse, "and look at that hot momma."

I blushed at Amanda's words but quickly lost focus as I seen Jesse, "And there's my girl!" I hugged Jesse and held her on my hip, "I brought you and Noah a gift. Close your eyes, hold out your hands."

They closed their eyes and I put a little Taffy in both theirs hands as they then ran off to play. I hugged Amanda, then stopped and looked at sonny. I opened my arms and he smirked sitting down his drink.

"Come on hutch." I laughed as he hugged me tight, "how I have missed you starsky."

"What have you been up to?" I smiled as raf put an arm around me and Amanda join Liv in looking at little drew in his suit.

"I finally took the jump." He smiled, "in a year or so I should be ADA for SVU."

"That's the sonny I know." I smiled as raf stuck his hand out to shake his, "good job."

"I don't believe I ever heard him tell me good job." Sonny looked shocked as fin came over, "Barba does have a heart under all those suits."

"Fin my man." I hugged him, "your still here?"

"Someone has to take over for Liv." He smirked, "been a while counselor."

Raf shook his hand too as Liv and Amanda pulled me back in to Drew. For there on, the day went quick. Everyone took turns telling stories about Liv and SVU. Cragen went first, Amaro next. Munch went on for almost an hour on jokes and fin followed him up. Everyone going around sharing their favorite memories of Olivia Benson, the heart and soul of SVU. I went up and smiled at Liv.

"Hi everyone, it's good to see some of you again. I could stand up here and tell you all about how amazing Liv is but, instead of the broken record of her godliness, I wanted to share my favorite memory of her." I dropped my head and chuckled, "it actually was right after the squad found out I was sleeping with the ADA. We sat down with her and we disclosed and did everything by the book. But after that and I had to go to the squad room like no one knew, she had put me on desk duty and after the first day wanted to talk. She came over and I though it was checking on paperwork, but she stopped me. She looked me dead in the eyes and didn't flinch a inch as she said, so, you and Barba ... Is it serious."

The crowd chuckled.

"As you could imagine, I was scared to death of where this conversation was going to go. But I had to reply so I said, Before.... Not really. Then you seen the flowers and note. It got really serious, really quick." I looked at raf  a moment, "she asked me if I wanted a relationship and I said yes because I loved him. I noticed she softened up and she was talking like a friend now. After work that day, I realized she was watching out for us. She knew raf since he started there and I was still fairly new after six months." I smiled at Liv, "she was the mother of svu for sure and I just so happen to have been dating the dad apparently because for almost the whole time we were there, we both went to her for everything. And while she hadn't had the best luck in dating back then, she did help us to get married and have our sweet little boy. She was there for us around every turn and even held us together when we were doomed. I know she'll be dearly missed..."

I sat down and raf kissed my cheek as everyone kept going around. By the time there was two left to speak, raf and Liv. He got up and was actually struggling to find words. He smiled and thought back to what he said when we left, reusing the same small speech for her and walking over to hug her as she took the mic next. I shouldn't of been surprised by her first words.

"Thank you Rafael, I would call you two the Romeo and Juliet of SVU but you had a much happier ending." She smiled at the laughter, "but honestly, I'm glad you two made it. I was seriously invested in you two surviving because I was tired of seeing relationships fall apart because of our job. And you two did make a very cute baby, that proves it was a good choice."

I smiled and kissed raf, she moved on down the row to every other person she could. After an hour or so, people were packing up and we had to head home. It would be near midnight by the time we got home and had to give our final goodbyes. Raf and Liv talking for a good time as I said goodbye to everyone else and loaded drew into his car seat. When we drive away, raf in the passenger seat since I didn't drink and he did. And as expected, it was just before midnight when we tucked drew in to bed and raf wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek softly from behind.

He whispered in my ear, "we do make beautiful babies."

"Yeah, Liv had that right."

He squeezed me tight and lifted me up, "maybe we should try for more. Or just the sex. I'd be fine with just the sex." 

I giggled as he sat me down against the bed frame, kissing down my neck as he unzipped the dress. He slowly worked down my neck and past the collar bone as he kissed down my right arm to hold my attention as he pushed the dress of and undid the bra. Once it fell off, he smirked and kissed me before pushing me back to properly 'worship' my body as he would joke later.  He slowly kissed to my left nipple then to the right, pulling back to hold and squeeze my breast softly resting his head against mine. 

"Why'd you have to wear that dress?" He hummed softly as he pinched my nipples.

I gasped, "so you'd do this."

He chuckled and let go, rolling them in his palms and kissing me again, "chica traviesa.(naughty girl.)"

"Maybe you should punish me papi." I rolled my hips up, he pressed his against mine and held me down.

"I can do that." He smirked and ran his hands to mine, "manos arriba de tu cabeza(hands above your head.)" He pressed them firmly up there, "piernas aparte(legs apart.)" He used his feet to spread them.

"Anything else Papí?" I cooed and he nipped at my throat.

"Don't talk. Siéntete libre de hacer ruidos. Sin embargo, tendrás que drew en un nighty si lo despiertas.(Feel free to make noises though. You'll be tending to drew in a nighty if you wake him up though.)" He pressed down and I groaned.

His hand tugged my underwear off, and he stripped down after he made me close my eyes. He slipped over me, kissing my neck again as he pushed in and rested fully sheathed. He moved my feet further out and rocked his hips as I moaned. 

"Abre tus ojos(Open your eyes.)" He ordered and smiled down as he lifted your waist up to push straight down into me.

He moved my hands to hold my legs up high, closer to my head as he thrusted in and moaned like a animal. He held my ankles, trying to keep steady as he drilled me into the bed.  _ **The other good thing for us now, work rarely interferes with our sex life. We don't deal with rapes all day to ruin our labido.**_ After a minute, he pulled my legs down and slipped out, a soft whirl of his finger turns me around for him re-enter. He gives a few half thrusts, warming me up in the new position before going all the way in pushing me up the bed before dragging me back by my hips. The speed picked up quickly, the sound of flesh slapping flesh filled the room as he laced his fingers into my hair and pulled my head back.  _ **The labido is definitely better.**_ He gives a small spank before loosening his grip enough to push my torso down and raise my ass.

"Eres hermosa mami, por qué te conformas con un viejo como yo?(Your are gorgeous mommy, why would you settle for an old man like me.)" He growled in my ear as he slowed down to cause a new friction j haven't felt in a while.

"Old dogs know the best tricks," i hummed, "and you definitely don't act like an old dog otherwise."

He gave a short laugh and kissed my back as he had me on the edge. One shallow thrust to test his suspicion, being right he gave a hard deep one to follow and made me spasm as I reached my first orgasm of the night. He pulled out as I whimpered, he swipped his fingers through and fed me a little. 

"Buena niña(Good girl)." He purred and pulled me up against his chest backwards, "good for more?"

"You haven't came yet papi." I smiled and he kissed me before pushing in while holding me still against his chest, "If I knew you would be like this, I would've left svu sooner."

"Espere(Hold on.)" He ordered as he started thrusting again.

My arms ran back to wrap around his neck, his lips teasing my neck as his hand held me to him firmly. A arm holding my chest with his left hand squeezing my right breast, the other hand was between my legs fingering my lips carefully as he stroked my bud. I was done for, he was playing me like a fiddle. So within minutes of my first, my second rushed over me and my legs went limp. My head against his shoulder as he stopped and again raise this lower hand to my lips.

"Buena niña, una niña tan buena para mí(such a good girl for me.)" He purred again, "but you made a mess."

I didn't even feel it, but I left a nice streak on the sheets. He made me squirt, or more like gush, all over the sheets before he slipped out and held me still as I tried to find my ability to breathe again.

"Any more?" He stroked my cheek as the other rest against his shoulder.

"Papí never finished." I smirked weakly.

He nodded and turned me around to face him, turning us so he could lay down and bend his knees up. He slipped me on quickly, letting me rest a moment. I held his chest, trying to keep steady but luckily his hand had a good grip to be safe. He tucked my feet under his legs, his hands moving me slowly up and down. He was close, but I was sensitive and being overwhelmed. He held me my my spread ass cheeks for a minute as he thrusted up into me and I caved. I clamped down and started to get light headed as he gave the final two pushes to fill me up again. I fell against his chest and whimpered, I was hardly awake and little drew had started crying.

"I think we were loud." He sighed, "I'll take care of him."

Raf rolled me over on the bed and tugged on pants and went to tend to little drew. He returned and sat on the end of the bed, probably assuming I was asleep because I did t move. He sat there a moment, I had to sit up and sit behind him with my feet crossed in his lap and arms around his firmly. I rested my forehead to his shoulder.

"I need punished more often if that's the punishment." 

He chuckled and kissed my hand, "I thought you would be asleep by now."

"Like I can sleep well without you beside me." I lifted my head to rest on his shoulder and against his head, "let's go to bed."

"That sounds wonderful." He stretched lightly as I detached from him and he crawled into bed after pulling me under the sheets. 

He curled his arms around me, kissing my head and burying his nose in my hair as he drifted off. Leaving SVU was the best thing for us.... Our happily ever after. 


End file.
